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Critic

by Rusty C Arquette


“Those who create, create; 
those who can’t create, teach; 
those who can do neither, criticize.”
                                      - Anonymous

Oh, 
my brothers
and sisters
of the creative mind…
do not look low upon
the pointy tongued
critic… 

do not
cast aspersions 
upon his own
misguided
self-worth…

for as many
venom penned
descriptions that 
he has scribbled 
upon the page…
there are many
that have heaped
dewy-eyed
praise…

a godlike father
bestowing blessings
on his flock…
in his mind he is 
the Grand Wazoo
of all that is brilliant…
the junkyard dog
of good taste…
he questions all…

often those he eyes
do question each other
as to whether his
presence in the room
is the cause of such 
a pompous stench
or perhaps it’s just
an odorous sulfur
fart…

no matter…
whatever air blown
from whatever orifice…
the effect remains…
he repels the abused
and nurtures affection
from the fearful…

yet he ignores
the growling and
curled lips of those he
has minced before…
grinning that jokers grin…
he mingles among
those he’s mangled
with the sharp edge
of his pen…
seeking out
a fresh Martini
and a face full
of jumbo shrimp…

then one day…
after he has grown
tedious, obese, 
and boring…
his hostess will find
him face down
on her library floor…
his eyes glazed…
his last venomous
column forever
tattooed on 
his copious jowl…
the entertainment 
section of the newspaper
stuck to him
like fly-paper…

the grand dame
will gaze down upon
his round
and wrinkled form…
wondering to herself…
should she call 
for an ambulance to
carry his carcass away?...
or return to the patio
to find a few of those
he’d criticized
and just have them
drag him to the curb…

makes no difference…
tomorrow there will be
another just like him…
another weasel
with a thesaurus
who will takeover
writing for the Times…

so raise your glass
to the pretentious ass
and wish his spirit well…
another critic is dead
and it’s all been said…
except enjoy your
spot in hell…

11/15/2009

Author's Note: This piece is for anyone who ever had their creativity stepped on by some reptilian-like critic. Too many of them are just cruel and bitter people with far too much regard for themselves.

Posted on 11/15/2009
Copyright © 2021 Rusty C Arquette

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by George Hoerner on 11/16/09 at 12:36 AM

Cute Rusty! And certainly anyone who has ever attended a "writers conference" must be laughing over this one! Well done.

Posted by Shannon McEwen on 11/16/09 at 03:54 AM

ha, I like this, critics be damned, I say!

Posted by Wendy Sparling on 11/16/09 at 05:07 AM

Whoot!

Posted by Lori Johnson on 11/16/09 at 09:56 PM

This is hilarious, especially considering some of the goings-on around here lately. LOL I've learned to expect nothing less than greatness from you, Cat! {Meow}

Posted by Charles E Minshall on 11/17/09 at 08:43 PM

Well done Rusty,,,,CharMin

Posted by Tony Whitaker on 11/18/09 at 03:53 PM

Man, this is going into my favorites. I felt like I was reading Bukowski! Brillinat!

Posted by William Brunk on 11/20/09 at 07:28 PM

a fine take...'another weasel with a thesaurus' i love it

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 11/21/09 at 03:53 PM

Most enjoyable. I loved the grand dame and that whole scene, pondering what to do with the body (to the curb, I say!!).

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 11/21/09 at 07:56 PM

Having been the victim of these so called critics more than once, I think you've pulled off a masterpiece Rusty with this response.

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 11/21/09 at 07:56 PM

PS: Appropriate graphic to go with it also!

Posted by Anne Engelen on 02/14/10 at 10:16 AM

got me smiling!!

Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 01/14/14 at 11:22 PM

A very harsh criticism of the harsh critic! Very descriptive and sharp in image and detail.

Posted by Laura Doom on 03/10/14 at 07:43 PM

Being my own harshest critic, I feel the need to indulge in a feast of self-flagellation--mmm. PotD & sign of The Times; two appetizing to miss.

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