Broken pieces of me

by Rommel Cruz

How long will I let you mold me?
Poured in your cast of calloused cares
Of what is right, perfect and acceptable.
Am I not beautiful?
You clump and chuck me away
Even before the furnace’s loving fires
Can congeal me in your earthly desires.

How long will I let you paint me?
Brushed and bruised in your misguided ideals
Splattered with self-pity and deceit.
Will I ever be enough?
You rip my bleeding canvass
As easily as you exhale “failure”
From your faultless cigarette.

How long will I remain


Author's Note: I found an old comment of mine on Jared Dawson's poem "Broken pieces of me". You can say I was inspired from it. This is long overdue though and still needs polishing. Also, I find that the last stanza is a bit/too weak. If you have suggestions on how to make it better, please dont hesitate to tell me. thanks =)

Posted on 05/20/2003
Copyright © 2020 Rommel Cruz

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 05/20/03 at 04:56 PM

Lively read Rommel. Pretty good start!

Posted by Jane E Pearce on 05/20/03 at 07:19 PM

Rommel-I do like your work so much. The imagery and metaphore is excellent. Jane

Posted by Traci Mabats on 05/20/03 at 11:58 PM

wow, I love the part about getting bruised from being painted.

Posted by Ashok Sharda on 05/21/03 at 03:22 AM

Metaphors are extremely 'alive' so much that one can 'see' it more than read and interpret.The 'visuals' are distinct and so appropriate that the SCENE presents it self as a first hand experience. You are a Poet Rommel, a gifted one. A natural poet, I suppose.

Posted by Anne Engelen on 05/21/03 at 07:02 AM

It's good to read more of your work...dang Rommel, look what you did to me... You turned me into a fan of yours!!

Posted by Philip F De Pinto on 05/21/03 at 06:06 PM

quite interesting imagery you've weaved here

Posted by Christina Bruno on 05/23/03 at 04:19 AM

wonderful job!!

Posted by Ann Krischus on 05/23/03 at 01:27 PM

awesome imagery. :)

Posted by Quinn Vokes on 05/23/03 at 04:21 PM

well... what can i say? i agree w/all the above.

Posted by Jeanne Marie Hoffman on 05/23/03 at 09:45 PM

Me thinks the canvas needs to reject its painter. Very vivid, moved me to the point that I got pretty bothered at the person who was doing this to the speaker and had to remind myself it is a poem. (In other words, I like it)

Posted by Alex Smyth on 05/25/03 at 02:16 PM

Wonderfully expressive!

Posted by Glenn Currier on 05/26/03 at 02:41 AM

"cast of calloused cares " good phrase, evocative and points to the main message. The metaphor (or not) of painting also works. Nicely done.

Posted by JD Clay on 05/26/03 at 02:31 PM

I really like the premise revolving around this piece. I would like to see more, or at least closure. Great stuff, Rommel. Peace...

Posted by Andrew S Adams on 05/26/03 at 09:06 PM

yes, i agree with alaina- everything in this poem is so full, so ambitious, so beautiful- but that last stanza certainly does leave something to be desired. You paint everything so perfectly, and then the last 4 lines kinda fall off. perhaps make them a bit longer. i'm still giving this perfect marks; the rest of it is just so powerful and intense. wonderful wonderful job.

Posted by Jean Mollett on 05/29/03 at 03:51 AM

Hi Rommel, Just read your poem, it's very good, so emotional. Love can be a pain at, & ya get hurt. Then ya get over it, life goes on. Find a better love, that will treat ya right. I wouldn't change a thing. Peace & Joy, Jean

Posted by Lori I Wolfe on 07/27/03 at 03:58 PM

I can so relate to these words ... I have even tried to paint them out of me ... I found that walking away and painting a new life brought back painless rainbows ... love this poem ... excellent work!

Posted by Brian Francis on 08/12/03 at 12:23 AM

Thanks for this one. I like it just the way it is. --bf

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