|Member Comments on this Poem|
|Posted by George Hoerner on 09/01/09 at 02:09 AM|
A snap of the fingers and we'll all be gone. Welcome to Pathetic and nicely done.
|Posted by Alison McKenzie on 09/03/09 at 06:13 PM|
It's a world of chaos, young or old. You capture this moment and reel it in...welcome to pathetic!
|Posted by Leslie Ann Eisenberg on 09/05/09 at 03:19 AM|
the natural flow of your words, and the easy, natural rhyme are a pleasure to read. as a long island transplant to CA, loving verse 5. i've only read it twice and i think i've got it memorized! definitely adding to favorites so i can visit again, worth re-reading many times!
|Posted by Charles E Minshall on 09/18/09 at 02:27 AM|
Well done Will. Welcome to Pathetic....CharMin
|Posted by Agnes Eva on 09/29/09 at 12:58 PM|
you wrap the story around the reader and keep the corn out of the rhyme. well done!
|Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 10/07/09 at 02:49 AM|
"Where mascara runs from boys with jokes" - I like it all, but this line is such a visual delight. I also love the idea at the end of you disappearing inside your dream. This moves fast, flows well, and keeps the reader on her toes. Thank you.
|Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 10/07/09 at 04:26 PM|
Congrats on POTD!
|Posted by Maria Massarella on 10/07/09 at 10:12 PM|
Congratulations! on the dream that has been chased to glow in POTD skies. Lovely-lovely read. Thank you.
|Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 10/16/09 at 12:45 AM|
Fascinating reflection on night life in the city - at least a lively segment of it.
|Posted by Matthew Sharp on 07/08/10 at 06:20 PM|
awesome william...creative and illuminating:)
|Posted by Doreen Cavazza on 05/03/11 at 11:15 PM|
Fabulous imagery and song-like flow. Why am I reminded of Steinbeck when I read this? The rhyme is natural and doesn't sound at all forced. I love this.