17,000
12/21/2004 05:37 p.m.
Hurray! I just reached 17,000 reads.
I am currently O.K.
I am listening to my cat trying to get my attention

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What S. A. wrote for me
11/12/2004 04:48 a.m.
My friend wrote this for me and I need a place to save it:

You know, the world is big, the plains are wide, sometimes it's best to go outside. The skies go on to endless night, and sometimes when the moon shines bright, you can see the milky way, and listen to what God has to say. I think you might hear the way that he loves you, trust me Kristine, I am sure it's true.

I am currently Unsure
I am listening to The stupid brainless television

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Did today happen?
05/19/2004 01:45 a.m.
I got up this morning with no intention of doing anything wrong. I though I would just take my medicines and sit in my rocking chair.

Now look. I had to go out to buy new prescriptions and there was a woman there I knew before I was this.

She asked questions about where I've been since I left that place, she looked at my arms and my ridiculous body. Tomorrow she will go back and tell the other women about me.

I left the store shaking and speechless and I had to take lots of Ativan. I think 6 or 7 doses. And I had to make 9 new cuts.

But I can take my sleeping medication early, and maybe a few extra, and make this day be done. And tomorrow I will not leave the house.
I am currently Violent
I am listening to gah - the stupid eternal TV

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A Great Big Uh-Oh
05/03/2004 03:49 a.m.
My insurance has stopped paying my psychiatrist, my therapist, and my ECT treatments. They say I have used all my mental health benefits for the year 2004. As this is early May, things don't look good. I'm trying to figure it out. I have to continue to see the psychiatrist in order to maintain my medications. Not to mention that, being considered a slight threat, I'm required to be under the care of a psychiatrist. But there's no way I can afford the shock treatments. I'm scared of what's going to happen when I don't get to see Jeanne every week.

It's a hell of a thing; I sit here, rocking and thinking and getting more frightened by the moment; knowing there's only one place to go from here.
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to C. Lauper - I'm Gonna Be Strong

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Ah, Dorothy!
04/16/2004 05:42 a.m.
I've got Dorothy Parker stuck in my brain, and may I say it's the most pleasant preoccupation I've had in many months. I adore her; I'd give almost anything to just have one conversation with her. Ye Gods! That MIND!
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to a miraculous silence, despite the presence of teenagers.

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15,000
03/05/2004 01:17 p.m.
I logged in this morning to find that I've reached 15,000 reads; not too bad for a poet as inactive as I've been lately. Thanks, everybody!
I am currently Stunned
I am listening to Lauper - I'm Gonna Be Strong

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Again, again, again!
01/17/2004 01:11 a.m.
I saw my psychiatrist again this afternoon. I don't even know what the man looks like because I can't look him in the face. Today he flipped a switch on a lamp, startled me terribly (which, I admit, is easy to do). I jerked in my chair, and it slammed backward into a glass-fronted cabinet. No glass broke, but the wood framing the cabinet door has a 6" scar. Sheesh. Other than that it was the same old thing: question after question to which I have no answers. The appointment ran long (again), which I think he does on purpose just to torment me. Gahhhh, I'm so frustrated! This guy is supposed to be helping me. The best thing he does is give me LOTS of drugs. Beyond that...well...I'd love to stop seeing him, but I'm afraid to for two reasons: 1. I know in my heart that I need him, or someone like him. 2. I don't think it's really my choice, the way all this came to pass. So, here again, one month after "Snake Oil and Shame", is my open and bumbling despair.
I am currently Anxious
I am listening to the eternal background noise of the television

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Halfway Here
11/22/2003 02:33 p.m.
For those of you who are interested, I didn't die. My mother got sick, so I was taking care of her for a few days, but I guess I wasn't careful enough because I got sick, too. So I've been out of commission for nearly a week. Fever, coughing up blood, all that good stuff. Went to the doctor and got big drugs, and I'm kind of starting to get better. I'm still really wiped out, though, so I may not be around much yet.

Oh, here's an interesting note, though: My mother is on a lot of medication (for many things, not just this gunk she shared with me). The combination of this with her fever made for interesting conversations. I asked her if she took all of her pills, and she said, "No. I hid them in the doll's hair." I told her I was going to call her doctor. She said, "Oh, honey, don't be scared. I was just pretending to hide them in the doll's hair. I really hid them in the cat's fur." Yeah. That made me feel better. Uh-huh.

I am currently Tired
I am listening to the usual voices

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This is a Formal Announcement
10/16/2003 07:24 p.m.
I CAN'T COOK!

I am the most incapable person I have ever known when it comes to kitchen duties. From this moment forward, anybody in my family who wants something other than cold cereal or frozen fishsticks for a meal can BLOODY WELL FIX IT THEMSELVES!

Everybody clear on that? Good.
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to My cat whine about the piece of onion she ate.

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Yeehaw!
09/28/2003 05:02 p.m.
I just passed 10,000 reads, which, for me anyway, is thrilling and astonishing and fulfilling.
I am currently Excited
I am listening to *sigh* television from the next room

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