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Battle of the Bulge

by Chris Sorrenti

We were supposed to be in a quiet zone
resting up from liberating Paris
drinking Belgian beer and French wine
with some units just over from the States
and quite green when news came through
the Germans had broken through
up and down the entire line
surrounding us at the local McDonald’s
one Quarter Pounder and a large fries later
we realized what they wanted to do
so somehow had to escape
but the Krauts had changed all the road signs
pointing them in the wrong direction
desperate for relief but still miles away
and so it began
the Battle of the Bulge

Down at the Kentucky Fried Chicken
they were selling their goods by the barrel
the diversion would have been finger licking good
but I remember my stomach in the bedroom mirror
could see myself gaining weight on the scales
then suddenly I heard the roar of a shell
as a Tiger tank blasted its way the through the greens
my C.O. telling me to

“Hit the dirt!
the woods are crawling with ‘em
can’t you feel the squeeze???
run for your life boy!!
this is the Ardennes all over again!!!”

Word came from all around
the food Nazis were coming
some of them disguised in dietitians’ uniforms
as rumors spread that the bulge had grown bigger
but where was our air cover?
where was that childhood sun???
December ’44 in a Fat Albert’s pizza store
a large combination
for the Battle of the Bulge

And so it is
the battle still continues
the last great offensive
conquest by the pound
listen to me soldiers
the war has only started
as you grow older it’ll only get tougher
keeping the weight off day by day

So if you should hear the sound of gunfire
as you pass that Chinese food restaurant
think of the consequences of one too many egg rolls
like a G.I. in a village named Bastogne
surrounded by the enemy
just food for thought
as you place your wagers
in the Battle of the Bulge

© 1982
Inputted and revised © 2020

160 hits as of August 2020


Author's Note: Another (quirky) experimental piece, this time combining a famous WWII battle and wanting to lose weight, or at least keep it off, in the modern world, amid fast food chains and fad diets, that became an industry in and of themselves.

Posted on 01/21/2020
Copyright © 2020 Chris Sorrenti

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 01/22/20 at 01:53 AM

Love this! WWII cartoonist Bill Mauldin (Willie and Joe) meets Bizarro comics.

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