i thought perhaps
it was my bones were growing
bigger
in that big bone euphemistic way
we dismiss uncomfortable realities

or in the alternate 
perhaps it was my trousers
might perchance be waning smaller
from fabric fatigue caused by too much tumble
in the heat

so i set to understand
by way of determinative measurement
such as scientific act would direct
through methods learned
through the rigours of education and discovery
somewhere between the age of six and ten
when my eyes were sharper
and my dreams had perfect hair

taking to hand paper and pen 
and instruments of measure
i noted pounds and kilos 
for the world is known for both
and for the fact a switch allowed 
i measured stones
as my grandpapa might have done 
in the old country

i surveyed my form by inch and centimetre 
just for the sake of thoroughness
consistency and convenience 
for one should do as much as possible
in quest of understanding cause
i measured all strategic perimeters 
as sculptor might 
for the reduction of block to replica
or as tailor drawing templates for swath of style 
though truth be told 
i were loath to go that route
as i was set to plot a path to girth and taille
as once defined the vessel of a self 
in earlier edition

so armed with measured data
and charts of averages and ideals
for age and height
and gender
i surmise with mathematical clarity
the answer lies in simple terms
in short forsooth 
i cannot change my age to less than now
nor gender would i reduce one hair 
though wonder might provoke
so i must conclude
it is so my bones are large
yet in the wrong direction 



02/24/2014
Author's Note: i need to grow up ... 

Posted on 02/24/2014
Copyright © 2024 Amos Last

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 02/24/14 at 11:52 PM
Ah, the methodology here! My favorite line - "when.....my dreams had perfect hair" You appear to have left no data unmeasured in this amusing self study. Thanks for this.
Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 02/25/14 at 04:01 PM
Hi Amos. I rated this yesterday, but for some reason, Google Chrome doesn't always bring up the comment field. So, anyhoo, I really enjoyed this poem, for its refreshingly unique perspective on something some have to deal with. With a good sense of humor as well. Excellent work!
Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 02/26/14 at 05:08 PM
Enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek observation of the aging process. Still smiling. 
Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 09/22/14 at 01:31 AM
Good to see this as POTD! The line that was my favorite back in February still was the one that jumped out at me and made me smile the most. So many clever lines in this. Thanks again!