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I'm Getting a Colonoscopy for Christmas

by Fredrich Mohre

It's nice to finally start writing again....To the Tune of
"I Want A Hippopotumus for Christmas"

I’m getting A Colonoscopy for Christmas,
An Xray or an MRI won’t do

First I’ll drink something nasty
Then wait a couple hours
Then I blow it out my ass,
And it won’t smell like flowers

I’m getting a Colonoscopy for Christmas
I don't think Santa Clause will mind do you
He wont have to view
My dirty smelly flue
And my Doctor Protologist will
Find it clean to use

I can see me now on Christmas morning
My Ass propped up and bare
Oh what joy and surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see fiber optic cable snaking up my thighs.

Oh I’m getting a Colonoscopy for Christmas
Only a Colonoscopy will do
They’ll put a camera in my pooter
Shaped like a Rotto-Rooter
I’ll be a colonic movie star
As it goes snaking t



Then the Doc slides that cable
way on up, but then
If I was in San Fransico,
I ‘d be the envy of every man



They stretch me way on out
Like a two car garage
Then they’ll top it off
By giving me
a prostrate massage


I’m getting a Colonoscopy for Christmas
Only a Colonoscopy will do
Just thinking of all the beauty
Going up the old Pazutti
I’d love a Colonoscopy
And Colonoscopy’s love me too





12/13/2012

Author's Note: Started notes on this years ago, but wanted to "flesh" it out for my karaoke gangstas Christmas party...yes and it fits the song.....( I'll fix the spelling later)

Posted on 12/13/2012
Copyright © 2024 Fredrich Mohre

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Joan Serratelli on 12/13/12 at 09:23 PM

This is PRICELESS!!I have never read a better Christmas Poem. I RARELY laugh out loud.....this one takes the cake....There are tears in my eyes!!

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 12/14/12 at 01:40 AM

Brilliant humour piece Fred. I've never read you before, but sure glad I took a peak. And as someone who has gone through the process twice already, I sure can relate. I actually wanted to see what the inside of body looked like, but on both occasions the drug they gave me made me sleep through the whole process. Maybe next time. :o)

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