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He once said he loved me more than rain

by Lori Blair

You say you wished I'd forgive you

that you always thought of me as a friend

that the passing night wouldn't frown upon us all

and all that you believed in wouldn't just end


cuz you're my friend



but it never did such end


the night doesn't frown upon friends

like us so


like us so

cuz I love you so


and I never meant to impart such heartbreak



you say



your heart was too young

to endure



oh, those years

and the tears alone


you know I never meant to cause you this pain

your mother and I weren't

much as friends

we were more enemies at heart

more than nothing apart


And I know I left you alone in the dark

they say it is easier this way

but my heart tells me their wrong

and I was so alone without a song



it's what I've done before

inspite of my mistakes



When all you wanted was to feel

you belonged


inspite of it all

I hurt you again

and I'm so sorry my love


I loved you though I couldn't say where I've been


and now I know I let you down again

so I wish I could change this night

change it all


change it all like it might not have rained

and then all would have been alright


and I wish I could have changed the past

cuz I love you so

but I know you would never forgive me

again


when all you wished were to believe in a friend

and all you'd seen wasn't then



but you should know


Well I once wished you were here

and so I started to tear

the years were so hard without you again

but that never happened without me

alone without you



now you don't know


but you think to yourself


that you wished I'd been here

cuz you weren't at all fault

then all the excuses I once told myself

weren't much but lies


and now I know the truth

behind my own lies


and then I know your truth


your truth is you had better things to do

than to be with me



and so you wished me away, as a Dad,



and I can't blame it all

as you wished me away the same


and I realize I am as afraid as I might be as real

but I will shout it out as my daughter the same


I am sorry for it all

though I know it's not enough

but


You wished me away, the same


cuz you are afraid I might be as real

as real as a man that is so selfish

he'd forget his own daughter


but,


for just one lonesome time

if only I could cause myself as much pain

I'd take it all back

just to see you smile back at me once again


and your eyes wouldn't look at me

as if to ask why



when all you wished were to believe in a friend

and all you'd seen wasn't then




but you should know


that I'm hurting more than I

can let you know


If only you could believe


I'm sorry


for breaking your heart
so young
once and more

and again

01/11/2012

Author's Note: My biological father...what he might have said had he done so...I will never understand why he left me alone

Posted on 01/12/2012
Copyright © 2021 Lori Blair

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by JJ Johnson on 01/12/12 at 03:37 AM

This is so moving. Of all your poems, and you know I think you are a great poet, this is so deep and personal that I can barely type through the tears. The lump in my throat cannot stop me from typing the hugs I would give you, as if they could comfort you. No father who leaves a child is worthy of a fate anything better than Hell, if it even exists. And I know the heart you have and I am glad that genetics do not make a heart, for yours loves your children with a fury that Heaven itself would envy, if it even exists. And all I can offer you are cyber hugs from afar. JJ hugs {{{{{{{{Lori}}}}}}}} and something tells me, so will many more.

Posted by Joe Cramer on 01/12/12 at 12:10 PM

... excellent.....

Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 01/12/12 at 04:03 PM

This poem doesn't seek to have all those questions answered. It simply sifts through memories and thoughts, and it does so with incredible insight and humanity.

Posted by Ken Harnisch on 01/13/12 at 03:25 PM

just so open it left me in amazed awe...I am still unsure I could be so free with my own emotions, Lori, which is why I stand humbled before your doing so.

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 01/13/12 at 03:39 PM

A good therapy piece for yourself, open and emotional. I like how you've written from your father's perspective. Makes me want to know more...as to what actually happened to cause the split.

Posted by Mo Couts on 01/13/12 at 04:49 PM

What a theraputic and touching poem, Lori! As one who has such questions for her parents, this poem moved me very deeply.

Posted by Tony Whitaker on 01/15/12 at 09:51 AM

My wife, Maggie, had the same lost relationship with her biological father. It use to bother me so to see her suffer when we were both much younger. She seems to have weathered that storm after all these years, but this poem would surely make her cry. You are wonderful Lori in your many styles and always touching the heart!

Posted by Philip F De Pinto on 01/17/12 at 03:15 PM

I don't have to tell you Lori. you know as well as I, that oft times, life presents us with doleful experiences so as to wrench, siphon and extrapolate from such, such beauty as you illustrate with these words. such as cannot be expressed or gathered via any other experience, but the doleful kind.

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