| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Jody Pratt on 11/26/11 at 08:52 PM I think this poem would be perfect if you took out the following lines altogether: (What’s in a smile?)
(So important when one really thinks about it)
(What’s in a smile?)
Asking the reader a question in poetry is like asking them to write the poem. Writing the answer in a way that brings them to ask the question is much more effective. If you take out the questions and don't tell the reader to think about it, they will do just that with the wonderful way you have put the rest of the poem together. Keep up the great work! |
| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 11/26/11 at 10:10 PM When I did as Jody suggested, and read the poem without the first two lines, I think I agree with Jody. The first two lines sort of go without saying, especially since the title of the poem already has us, the readers, wondering...and then you show us what you think about it!! Also applies to the "what's in a smile" about 3/4 of the way through. Otherwise, a wonderful poem! |
| Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 11/27/11 at 12:03 AM I'm even down with your positive stuff, man. This was great. |
| Posted by Lori Blair on 11/27/11 at 02:40 AM Beautiful Chris and just so true..sometimes I think maybe we are lost and most people don't care but then I say something to them and they smile and then I know we are not in this alone..this World has much hope..Smile to you and yours as well! Great write thank you |
| Posted by Don Matley on 11/27/11 at 09:09 PM Well after reading the earlier version I wondered why there was another. There was no need for me. The first one is warmer,looser and more inviting. I think it will invoke more smiles. But in the end I enjoyed them both. It was very gracious of you to take another shot and accept constructive suggestions; but keep the old with the new.
Merci bien! |
| Posted by Charlie Morgan on 11/27/11 at 09:46 PM ...i, like don, like the prior, more familiar, sorta nudging the reader to participate. |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 11/28/11 at 04:06 AM I find the first more engaging, and I'm not sure I can explain why. Loved the line "that pleasurable contortion of the face". |
| Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 12/04/11 at 08:02 PM It's a darn good time to post this one, at the holidays when nostalgia paints a smile on the stony face of the past. We should wear it like a wreath, all comers welcome. Nice write. Thanks. |
| Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 12/14/11 at 03:35 AM smile indeed! |
| Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 12/19/11 at 04:33 PM Certainly gives one reason to smile. A common function of face not so commonly used. Too bad. An appropriate challenge. |
