pathetic.org :: July 11 - Tornado by Jason Wardell

July 11 - Tornado

by Jason Wardell

Tornado sirens span the front range,
signaling upheaval of the literal sort.

The sky has different ideas than the land.
The sky wants houses to be bricks and wood,
component parts.  The sky has a heavier hand
than the fleeting inhabitants of the land.

The forecast predicts clouds and rain,
vortex whips debris into dust,
sirens gasping for breath,
saline rain streaking,
the seamed sky
screaming,
breaking
touch
-
down
nine p.m.
order to disorder
the sky's heavy hand
turns  homes  into
bricks   and  wood
we  were  fleeting
You     and      I
component    parts
safe   as   houses
among    tornadoes

07/11/2010

Posted on 07/11/2010
Copyright © 2024 Jason Wardell

Member Comments on this Poem

Posted by Linda Fuller on 07/11/10 at 11:59 PM

Jason - this is a terrific read, and your funnel cloud adds to the enjoyment. I love "upheaval of the literal sort", and I find the repetitive elements to be very effective. The use of "safe as houses" in this context is very good, and I especially like, in your last three lines, the broader meaning I received in addition to the tornado-related meaning.

Posted by Linda Fuller on 07/12/10 at 12:03 AM

And I forgot - in your third stanza, I keep reading "those" as "these" - maybe something to think about. Also, I like how "fleeting" brings to mind "fleeing".

Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 07/12/10 at 12:46 AM

this makes me glad i only have to worry about extreme heat and not component part bricks and wood. the form really added to the piece.

Posted by Ava Blu on 07/12/10 at 08:01 AM

oh Jason. I am delighted to see a new poem! what can I say that I've not said a thousand times before during my 6 years on this site?? I love it.

Posted by George Hoerner on 07/12/10 at 12:21 PM

Nicely done Jason.

Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 07/12/10 at 01:26 PM

Yeah there's not much I can say at this point. Except that I absolutely love it. Brilliant stuff.

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 07/14/10 at 01:03 AM

Highest marks for this. I do not live in tornado land, but this gives me the chills reading it. Stanza 3 is terrifying when I think of the "screaming in the face of screaming", and I am astounded people actually choose to live in these regions. I admire all of this, love those last three lines. Well done.

Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 07/14/10 at 11:53 PM

Deep metaphor at its finest. You shine.

Posted by Max Bouillet on 07/14/10 at 11:57 PM

The chaos begins with the warning... so very true. Somehow, I think we crave it. It is almost as if we look forward to disaster --almost as if we need it. Excellent visual to accentuate awesome words.

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 07/18/10 at 01:40 AM

Excellent combination of visual and verbal. Really like how you create tension...drama from start to finish. Good really check also on how despite all our marvels of technology, we're still helpless in the face of various natural phenomena. Nice to see this on the top 10. Congrats!

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