by Clara Mae Gregory
Attention Deficit Disorder.
A doctor officially labeled
my condition as Adult A.D.D.
I have had it all my life
but it wasn't diagnosed
until after I became an adult,
after I was diagnosed with Major depression,
after my brother died when I was 5 months pregnant.
I always just thought it was my personality,
Wired with impulsivity to do too many things at once.
Then I find out I am a defective disorder.
My doctor put me on a drug called Adderall-
My house became perfect,don't ya know.
The lightbulb came on inside my head.
For the first time in years
I noticed the cobwebs
in the chandeliers.
I liked cleaning out the drawers-
No time to talk or smell the flowers.
My introversion turned insane one day
when I wanted to see
what three days without sleep would do to me.
Curiousity turned into hallucinations
and I began to see demons in inanimate objects
As if I was seeing in another dimension
Yet, I knew I was hallucinating.
After that, I stopped taking adderall.
I decided I liked the defective me afterall.
Author's Note: This is an autobiographical sort of work. I don't really think of it as a poem, but more like musings marking and recording personal events.
Posted on 11/20/2009
Copyright © 2018 Clara Mae Gregory
|Member Comments on this Poem|
|Posted by James Zealy on 11/20/09 at 02:25 PM|
I have adult add as well, but mine has its affect as a loss of attention and the tendency to fall asleep at the worst of times, such as driving a car. I take medication, not aderall which can cause pyschosis is some patients, but budeprin a generic for wellbutrin.
|Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 11/21/09 at 06:39 PM|
It is scary - how "medicines" can cripple us into worse conditions. It seems criminal, to me.
|Posted by Glenn Currier on 06/13/18 at 01:48 PM|
Oh, my dear, how I relate!!! It is wonderful that you are now aware of this "disorder" but I imagine that you have made peace with it and also realize that it can be a gift. For me, it is a gift and a curse, but mostly I just see it as one aspect of who I am. I am no longer ashamed of it. I have befriended it and use it - especially in writing poetry. It is almost like my muse, really. Thanks for this revealed moment of self realization and redemption. Blessings to you, dear lady.
|Posted by Dawn Davidson on 06/13/18 at 05:53 PM|
dear sister of word...so sorry but as i see in this, the silver lining...i say away from too much analysis, painting, gardening, tachi...also meditation for years help...just a good walk on a mountain...we are all open to contradictions in our natures due to extreme stress, i love your writing, your eye to beauty awesome..good sleep also helps me
|Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 06/19/18 at 11:41 AM|
As someone self-diagnosed with ADHD, I can relate to some of this in various ways. Needless to say, it hits both comfortably and uncomfortably, but also reassuring in that I'm not alone in my one defectiveness.