by Jim Benz
Pam turned and stared
at Mista'peo standing naked
in the tide.
Sensing her gaze, he became
a smooth stone
that she began to polish.
You will not recognize yourself
in the stone's reflection, he cautioned
from a sea gull's cry.
Curling her lip, Pam scoffed
and threw the stone back
into the sea.
Heaven help me, she mused,
I have no need
of these reflections.
Even so, he answered
in a crash of waves,
I am you.
Author's Note: I can't seem to make this poem work. And so it goes.
Posted on 10/23/2009
Copyright © 2018 Jim Benz
|Member Comments on this Poem|
|Posted by Noe Procházka on 10/23/09 at 08:30 PM|
It does work; at least, the first three stanzas convey to me some moral that I can't quite grab hold of, but that I like nonetheless. If you were going to edit anything, I'd suggest the third and fourth stanzas. I hear what you are saying, but the lines themselves are a little tired. I like the last stanza, and I think you could slightly tweak that last line to make it really powerful, but, on the whole, this is a good start to a great poem.
|Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 10/24/09 at 01:47 AM|
The symbolism is subject to subjective response. Vivid imagery.
|Posted by Julie Adams on 10/25/09 at 08:20 PM|
I love this piece so far...if ur not happy with it yet, then keep revisiting it, but I found it intriguing and rather captivating...I want to know about these subjects, i want to hear more...hugs n happy writing, peace, jewels
|Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 10/26/09 at 04:05 PM|
I love watching this change with the tides. It lives and wants curling into, like a book.
|Posted by Laura Doom on 01/25/10 at 11:32 PM|
Work from which perspective? It needs work on this reader's part -- identify and research...
|Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 05/14/18 at 07:22 PM|
Congrats on POTD! I wonder, these many years past, how you feel about this poem. I follow it and having looked up Mista'peo feel no need for further words. I am left with Pam's perceptions at this point in time and Mista'peo not yet accepted as a natural, necessary part of her.
|Posted by Philip F De Pinto on 05/16/18 at 05:24 PM|