There's an old woman who lives in my house.
I know cause I see her every morning.
There in my mirror with puffy eyes and wild hair.
I think she's giving me a warning.

"You're getting up there old girl, so beware,
life's been good so far, but the times here now,
to pay the piper for your hell raising.
See the wrinkles 'round your mouth and across your brow?"

Well I chase her away and hop in the shower,
then feeling revitilized I step out, SHOOT.
I confront her again in my full length mirror
laughing at me in her sagging fat suit.

She's the one who makes the weird sounds
in my bed every morning. The moans, groans,
sounds of escaping air. I blamed it on the dog.
But it was her, deflating my boobs. The crone.

The cute little dimples in my butt
have turned into a virus and spread,
looking like the surface of Mercury,
caused by the inactivity in my bed.

She hides my keys and I search everywhere,
only to find them where they belong.
She drinks my beer, then wanders thru the house at night.
ramming my toes into every door jam that comes along.

She sleeps in the raw cause if she wears my teddys
she tosses and turns so bad I can't sleep.
It seems they ride up and get stuck in her crack
and me and the covers wind up in a heap.

I hate this old woman. She's a pain in my neck.
She forgets things like the name of the dog,
who now thinks his name is "Dammit".
Sometimes she just walks around in a fog.

When I find out where she came from
I'm gonna send her back.
She's really getting on my nerves.
She's trying to give me an heart attack.

So if you see her in your mirror,
take her, I don't want her any more.
'Cause she's made my life a mess
and I warn you, she'll snore.

06/20/2009

Author's Note: In response to Mr Mohre's "It's Another Bad Day Rant-Part Deux" It is hell getting old and it happens to the best of us. My Pooh Bear says he loves me anyway and I love him too.

Posted on 06/20/2009
Copyright © 2026 Maude Curtis