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wishing well
by Julie Adamsthe phone between us has become an appendage
calls echo our laughter, our silence, our flirting,
naughtiness like the FCC's never known
and I wonder where it is all leading
down the long and winding line
the miles between are many, like bricks
of The Great Wall stretching to the sea, the distance
keeps me from his touch, his lips, his heartbeat
as we lay, doing nothing but sharing space and time,
I listened to his heart and found mine dancing
in the pauses of his pulse, in the silence we shared
I thought about all that's never heard between us
as we talk each day, the pulse, the heartbeat,
those gentle breaths, the coming
and going of glances, like red ladybug kisses
exhaled like wishes from his chiseled totem mouth
and now when we talk I picture that mouth, those kisses,
the hours we lost there together, and how he held me sleeping,
though he swore he never would, or hadn't, and I wonder
what the future has waiting, in the distance
beyond the phone calls, between the lingering words,
below the warm skin, no, deeper——behind the protective ribcage
where truth lies, either waiting or hiding
in a world of ego and disappointment, we're left talking, wondering,
hoping for more than a phone call, the heart calling for more than words,
the penny falls to the bottom the wishing well
01/24/2009 Author's Note: this was written on the fly, just opened the new poem box and started typing, am trying something new with my writing and with the act of letting go...not sure yet how I feel about it, but I let the words fall as they came to me, and will see where they lead in the days to come..
(wtg workshop with Jon)
Posted on 01/24/2009
Copyright © 2024 Julie Adams
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 01/24/09 at 11:26 PM Hi Julie. Well it has that "streaming" quality to it. The theme is wonderful and carries it along, all the way home. The closing line delivers...like the whole of the poem happened between the time you let the penny go, and it hit its mark. Spontinaity sells this poem well! Much enjoyed. Thanks. |
| Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 01/25/09 at 12:11 AM I think you're off to a pretty good start. This is outstanding, stream-of-conscious type stuff. |
| Posted by Ken Harnisch on 01/25/09 at 06:49 AM the words, like the penny, fell beautifully, Julie...but i'm not surprised |
| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 01/25/09 at 07:58 AM When I read that first line (and my brain subconsciously skipped ahead to "appendage") I was picturing something like , "...has become our Siamese lifeline" or, some other wording which would denote the connection supplying the mutual life-blood between you. I adore the juxtapose of the words, "where truth lies". There were a couple of places where I thought repeated words like heart, heartbeat, pulse could have been replaced by synonyms (cadence, for example, or rhythm), but for an "on the fly" production....mmmmmmmmmmm!!! Delicious!!!! Oh, and I particularly enjoyed "...red lady bug kisses," and some of the internal rhyme was a treat as well! |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 01/25/09 at 05:46 PM This had a strong direction - I liked the phone connection, and of course, the last line. |
| Posted by Rhiannon Jones on 01/26/09 at 01:54 AM FLows beautifully. |
| Posted by Charles E Minshall on 01/26/09 at 03:33 AM I don't know how all this writing fits on a fly.
But very well done, I enjoyed the reading....CharMin |
| Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 01/26/09 at 02:53 PM You wing it well
This is surely "more than words", and the penny glimmers, expertly promising ~ then fullfilling. |
| Posted by Joe Cramer on 01/27/09 at 03:07 PM ... this is exceptional... I love the weaving of the tale.... |
| Posted by Lacy D Phillips on 01/28/09 at 06:52 AM Wonderfully well-chosen title. For an unedited piece, this is extraordinary. The third stanza was a highlight for me. The last line has the feeling of being 'tacked on' as an afterthought, but then it struck me that it melds so intimately with the concept of "letting go". The penny cannot fall, after all, without it's possessor opening his or her hand. And then (and this is just the way my mind works, so indulge me) I started thinking about how the interplay between the writing method and the subject matter. How interesting it is that you chose the the method of 'letting go' to explore a topic having so much to do with holding on. |
| Posted by Jared Fladeland on 01/29/09 at 11:14 PM DON'T judge the writing. Let it be an expression of what you needed to express at that given moment in time.
I think the longer you (not just you in general but any writer) keep at "trying to let go" with writing, the better the writing will become.
we practice the rules and such so that when we let go, the rules are just in us. and sometimes we still break it, but often you can find after you've left the poem and come back to it much much later, often there was a reason you did something, even if you didn't consciously make the choice at the time. |
| Posted by Steven Kenworthy on 01/30/09 at 12:51 AM long distance sucks. that said, this poem indeed does not. so well written and so well digested from someone who has tried the route more than once. this brought back a lot of tough old memories and i could not help but think of a sugary brown beef jerky...so tough to chew, but unfortunately good enough to keep gnawing. this is very very mushy for you...but i love it. |
| Posted by Nanette Bellman on 01/31/09 at 01:00 AM jules this is beautiful. this technique really works for you. i hope to read even more great works from you. |
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