On the birth of Xmas - throwing the baby out with the bathwater

by Paganini Jones

The essence of the season
Is the reason that I'm sneez'n
For the essence of the season
Just keeps getting up my nose

I'm not a grey agnostic
But this spicy Christmas nostrum
Itches deep within my nostrils
And a dreadful sneezum grows

The nativity's fantastic -
There's a match girl made of plastic
Advertising concrete mastic
And an elf upon the roof.

Shepherds dance on bar room tables
Santa’s sleigh is parked with angels
By the crib with gothic gables
Wise men argue, "What is truth?"

Underneath a Douglas fir
There's some money, toys and myrrh
Stacked CDs by Cliff and Blur
And a set of non-stick woks

The star is going rusty
Mary's halo looks quite fusty
And the manger's hay smells musty
So they left them in the box

As I said before, my sneezes
Are provoked as winter freezes
And the Christmas essence teases
Sinuses round eyes and nose.

P'rhaps it was the inflammation
But to my great consternation
As I left the washing station
In the basin something rose

Water swirled about the washbowl
Like the sea around a porthole
And like water down a plughole
Down the plughole something went.

I cried, "Look, you people, look.
That's the Baby from the Book"
But they thought that I was crook
And my mind was madly bent.

"There's a baby in the water! No I haven't had a drink.
There's a baby in the water and he's spinning down the sink!
There's a baby in the water and I'm far too sad to cry.
Now the Baby's washed away all our Christmases are done"

So they threw me from the store.
I won't shop there any more.
Their Xmas I deplore
Now that baby Christ is gone.


Posted on 12/19/2007
Copyright © 2020 Paganini Jones

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 12/20/07 at 04:19 AM

Well done.

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 12/22/07 at 07:41 PM

I like how to you take a serious subject and make it whimsical by the choice of words and rhyming. Well done, and quite different...entertaining!

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 12/22/07 at 07:50 PM

PS: Adds to favourites. :o)

Posted by Michelle Angelini on 12/30/07 at 11:22 PM

Such an engaging and delightful tale. This sounds as if it could be told from the viewpoint of a child, although the voice is of an adult. You set the scene wonderfully and the rhyme makes it whimsical.

Posted by Jo Halliday on 05/01/09 at 01:21 AM


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