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Erasure
by Jim BenzErnesto, wandering aimlessly in the desert,
dreamed of water.
Radwan, preparing to die, listened closely
to his instructions.
Abhinav, boarding a train for Kashmir, worried
about the border crossing.
Sabra, sitting in the outdoor café, gazed curiously
at a car pulling up to the curb.
Umeko, falling asleep on the subway, dropped
her book on the floor.
Rashida, holding her arms above her head, screamed
as mud-brick walls imploded.
Eshe, lying in an infirmary cot,
was too weak to even speak. 06/27/2007 Author's Note: published in Pemmican
Posted on 06/27/2007
Copyright © 2024 Jim Benz
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Rhiannon Jones on 06/27/07 at 03:11 PM Really powerful series of linked snapshots. Thanks for this. |
| Posted by Kathleen Wilson on 06/28/07 at 04:15 PM Each of these lines, intense and containing the element of silence until the culminating speechless... Each cinematic, as if we are watching, and the names add to that eavesdropping/visual quality. |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 06/29/07 at 02:29 PM The names give this such strength and the stark descriptions of their plights are gripping. |
| Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 06/29/07 at 02:36 PM Jim, how do you write such an entire intriguing story that gets the hairs on the back of the neck rising? I'm hooked! |
| Posted by Kyle Anne Kish on 06/30/07 at 02:19 AM Jim, I saw and heard it all. How do you connect all those lines that are separate in themselves and make them work? This was very moving. |
| Posted by Cassandra Leigh on 06/30/07 at 07:06 AM Oh. Wow. It's brilliant how at first glance this is a series of disconnected photographs... and then you read it again and the theme and its significance crashes down on you. And it still feels like a poem, a piece of artwork. This is brilliant. Poignant. Gave me chills. A new favorite. |
| Posted by Laura Doom on 06/30/07 at 11:00 PM ...and then there was none? |
| Posted by Paul Lastovica on 07/03/07 at 02:34 AM i saw this as slow motion in my mind. |
| Posted by Bruce W Niedt on 07/04/07 at 12:47 AM A great poem lets the reader fill in the spaces, and this one does just that. Chilling and timely, and simply brilliant. |
| Posted by Mara Meade on 07/05/07 at 10:06 PM Brilliant and brutal. Haunting. And Amen. |
| Posted by Tony Whitaker on 07/06/07 at 08:41 AM Wow, this is a structure I have never tried and must admit was so "blown away" (no pun intended of course) that I am going to add to my own bag of tricks and steal from this shamelessly!
POWWERFUL!!! |
| Posted by Rebecca Andre on 07/08/07 at 05:07 AM speaks louder than a full length movie on the characters. =) |
| Posted by George Hoerner on 05/09/09 at 09:30 PM Really a great write Jim. Just wonderfully well done. |
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