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Trust
by Alisa Jsand what part of stupid did you not think I understood?
was it in the way I cared for you
placing your needs above my own,
racing to the head of the line
at breakneck speed
every time I heard you call,
and like the fool I am
jumped in,
basking in words I thought were meant especially for me
only to realize in this crowded, small room
words have no real meaning
when tossed about so frivolously,
fading in light
of sanity's breath ...
what was I thinking?
I couldn't have been right
for this emptiness drains
and I'm flat on my face,
grasping at anything
leaning on nothing,
other than these dark images
here in my head,
so, what else is new?
slip and fall in the bathtub
acceptable,
we hear about this all the time
old news ...
have you ever been held at gunpoint?
face down in the sand
by someone you loved,
who's drunker than shit
someone you thought really loved you more than life itself?
at least that's what he told me …
I've been there
for hours, terrified
trapped in an old wooden crate
on some desolate beach with no one around, for miles
and you wait,
just me and this crazy man
I was certain, who loved me
now with this loaded gun to my temple
right here in Paradise
you believe this?
it happened to me!
you think I have trust issues?
dam straight!
for everyone I've loved seems to disappear
at some point
it happens without fail
and on and on, ad nauseum ...
I've learned how to cope or at least like to think
by building this wall,
no one comes too close
I can't let them,
each time I try, every time I start to believe
suddenly something goes terribly wrong,
and I'm back to where I started
with nothing,
just me and this empty hell
searching for pieces that make sense
looking for answers within,
clues in the message
hints in the clues
and all I can find
are insults and schemes ...
what part of stupid do you not think I understand ...
04/24/2007 Posted on 04/24/2007
Copyright © 2026 Alisa Js
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Rhonda Maneki on 04/24/07 at 09:57 PM Oh Alisa, this is so powerful laced with such an array of emotion. Sometimes within the midst of torment and pain we can reach deep inside of ourselves to find that place that is stronger than the fear, the anger, the pain of the past and a source of healing for the present. Sometimes, like now with a release of such strong emotion the balm of healing slowly soothes the edges, to calmer places...of course it is a little more complicated than this and so individual. The most important aspect is letting go and writing does that. Bravo for a wonderful explosive release of emotion!!! Love muchly, Your sister under the coconut tree...xoxoxo |
| Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 04/25/07 at 03:19 AM Wow...a lot of anger here Alisa. And I can certainly relate to it in some ways, as I currently deal with major behavioural problems with my 24 year old son; especially the mistrust. Thanks for sharing this, and good-luck with your own obvious life's challenges. |
| Posted by Tony Whitaker on 04/25/07 at 07:58 AM Alisa, this is probably your rawest poem yet. Their is so much emotion here I hope that it was cathartic! Anyuway, another outstanding look into the soul! |
| Posted by Kyle Anne Kish on 05/09/07 at 06:18 PM Alisa, yes, as Jon said, "a lot of anger here." The anger should be there. I can feel the emotion seething from this poem. But there is an emptiness and sadness too. Starting all over is difficult. Just be who you are, sweetie. Just be who you are. Aloha from PA. |
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