|Posted by Jim Benz on 04/15/06 at 04:17 PM|
to my taste, this is the best one in the folder. it releases an enormous amount of imagery in just a few words. the question at the end, to my mind, is very wry and applicable. it also cements a verbal rhythm to the whole piece which I think is essential in a short form like this. One thing that's often forgotten in western haiku is that the japanese versions are built around a cadence native to the language, and essential to the form. our own language is so different, but I think we can find great cadences for our own haiku to mirror that intent - and you've done so beautifully here.