On Concerning Loving Oneself

by Dan Garcia-Black

I am certain all sentient beings
tell one another this aphorism,
"You cannot love someone else if
you cannot, first, love yourself."
I believe it.
Therefore, I love myself so
I can love other people... better.

When I love myself,
my favorite position is
me on top.
Oh, on occasion I'll spoon with me
but spooning inevitably leads to
me on top... again.

I've heard all that talk about
being with the same me
an entire lifetime is like
having the same thing for dinner
every night.
But I'm never unfaithful to me
I don't fantasize about a different me
when I'm making love to me.
And I know when I call me for some loving
I'm never out with another me.
I know I'm always available
when I get the urge...
for me.
There is comfort in that sort of sameness.

Also, if I ever catch something from me,
I always know where I am
so I can let myself know not to
give it to myself again.
That's having a social conscience.

One of the best parts of loving me is
No matter how kinky I get with myself,
I never get too rough
or use too much "teeth."
So, I still respect me
for the next time
I want to "do" me.

Ok. There is just one problem...
After loving myself,
I sometimes nudge myself, while I sleep,
onto the wet spot and I wake up
stuck to the sheets.
Having a towel handy would be prudent,
but sometimes I'm so overwhelmed
with the desire to love me that
I can't wait and, of course,
a condom would just be silly.
I'm sure it will all work out
once I get to know me better.

So when I tell you that I love you,
Remember, I've been loving myself
a lifetime just to be ready
to say these words.
I'm going to assume
you've been loving yourself, too,
because, at this moment,
I expect you to be as ready
to love my me
as I am yours.

Oh, look how nice! There are mirrors
on the ceiling in this motel.


Posted on 02/18/2005
Copyright © 2020 Dan Garcia-Black

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Michele Schottelkorb on 02/19/05 at 12:28 AM

this is so wonderfully narcissistic in a GOOD way... i love it... all the way to the climax... awesome... blessings :)

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 03/21/05 at 08:27 PM

This is one of the wittiest funniest poems I`ve read in some time. Definitely a classic; going right onto my favorites list. Thanks for sharing it Dan.

Posted by Quinlan L Gibson on 04/12/05 at 05:51 PM

I absolutely LOVE this piece...it speaks volumes!

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 08/21/06 at 04:05 AM

Last poem I read before I go to bed - how fitting. This is a hoot! and mirrors, to boot!

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