I used to think loving you was simple
That it would twist into eternity
We would be happy
Nothing could destroy it.

Now, I make my love a sacrifice
Keeping you happy, when I am not even sure
I wish I could be alone,
And turn off the dirge you twist in my head.

I wanted to grow and bend and shift
I needed to prove I was special,
Your scattered sentences don't clear up
Years of opposing views.

I find solace in knowing you are happy,
Even if I want to jump of the bridge
Or feel the edge of a knife.
I promise to learn to turn off these thoughts,
For they will make my compromise pointless.

I can't destroy you or let myself be happy,
I will strangle myself with your joy.
I will accept that my own wishes fade to black.
And I will walk away,
Questioning.

11/04/2004