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Requiem for a Pentium II

by Chris Sorrenti


Dearly beloved
we are gathered here today
to both mourn the passing of
celebrate the life
of a very dear friend
who against all odds
did the very best
to perform its programmed tasks

And so holding this thought
let us remember
that a computer is like a car
when running smoothly
the world is a beautiful place
and when not
they’re a bloody pain in the ass

Though with all due respect
to the recently departed
unlike an automobile
under constant purposeful attack
the newest fastest desk and laptops
running a gauntlet of viruses
Trojan horses/spy wear
Heaven forbid if your
Norton or McAfee should expire

And damn lucky this preacher
doesn’t rule the world
in my opinion
there’s a lot of nasty people out there
should be swinging from a rope
but of course I digress

So what can one do
in these trying times?
but up the RAM
plug in a larger hard drive
to keep the CPU pilot light
flashing a little longer
till replacing the motherboard
runs the same risk
as a heart transplant

As much as you hate to admit it
that trusty 350mb processor
has run its course
will never live to see
the last year of its built in
Microsoft calendar

In the end one has no choice
but to buy the latest machine
knowing a year later
it too will be obsolete

An so dearly beloved
let us put our hands together in prayer
for the long tough road ahead
for that newly purchased Pentium IV

© 2004
Revised © 2014
1,630 hits as of February 2024

07/22/2004

Posted on 07/23/2004
Copyright © 2024 Chris Sorrenti

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Michele Schottelkorb on 07/24/04 at 08:24 AM

no s***... you are awesome... LOLOLOLOL!!!

Posted by Maureen Glaude on 07/24/04 at 03:17 PM

well, I might'nt put it quite that way myself but indeed it's quite a readjustment and frustrating when we have to switch. I still have to go back to my old computer for some things, and it's acting up when I do...groan. Fight or switch? and everything so soon redundant, yes, like Beta then VHS then DVD...what's a person to do? Real life slice well done here.

Posted by Melissa Arel on 07/26/04 at 04:41 AM

A very funny piece, Chris.. :) For those of us who understand, we all gather and chime in on this eulogy!

Posted by Bruce W Niedt on 07/31/04 at 08:39 PM

A geek's eulogy - very funny and close to home. Now, I'm no prude, but just a suggestion here: the f-word seems a bit intrusive in the context and tone of the rest of the poem, though I see no prob with keeping "pain in the ass". Anyway, I really enjoyed it.... d:-)

Posted by Traci Mabats on 08/10/04 at 06:15 PM

lol, pure brillance Chris.

Posted by Rachelle Howe on 08/17/04 at 05:28 AM

*cracks up!* this is freaking great. the first stanza's a tit bit awkward. but other than, snickeringly hilarious.

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