clean as i want to be

by Ulyss Rubey

My wife said to me -
did you take a shower
this morning, Honey;
we have company coming soon.
I said no,
I'm as clean as I want to be,
My Dear. I bathed last night,
and won't be dirty again
till this afternoon.

Now why did she find this so funny-
I'm as serious as can be.
Last night I washed my ears and nose,
I even wiped between my toes.
I scrubbed my hands and hair,
and laved and scoured everything
adjacent, attached, adjoining,
and abutting my derriere.

She has a nerve, and I think
is being rather mean,
to imply or even suggest
I'm something short of clean.
Frankly, My Dear, I don't care
what they think of me.
I'll stay right here
in this chair,
I'm clean as I want to be.


Posted on 01/12/2002
Copyright © 2021 Ulyss Rubey

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Indigo Tempesta on 07/04/03 at 04:31 AM

oh, ulyss, i love this!

Posted by Maureen Glaude on 07/09/04 at 11:16 AM

perfect timing. I had a little experience last night that could have hurt my feelings a lot more than I allowed it to, (not over showering, but hair, a comment from my mom inadvertently passed on to another relative) but I decided hey, if people want to say those things and concentrate on trivialities, I'm not going to let it get to me too much. I guess they mean well. Anyway, I loved your humorous reaction.

Posted by Charles E Minshall on 12/01/05 at 01:55 AM

Funtastic Uly....Charlie

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 09/13/08 at 04:56 AM

Reminds me of my father in law - ha!! Very clever and enjoyable read.

Posted by Laura Doom on 01/28/12 at 11:31 AM

I fear she read your mind, and spoke metaphor to mock your sense of dysphoria :>)

Posted by Philip F De Pinto on 09/02/16 at 11:10 AM

Who says poetry should not aspire to be funny as can be? Not me. The last thing poetry needs is to lave it so it becomes overly serious.

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