The Journal of Timothy Burns

08/15/2013 03:06 a.m.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor to see what my results are from my blood work.
I have been loosing weight since late last year and now I am show symptoms of Diabetes. I am kind of worried. Concerned. yeah.
I just don't want it to be anything really bad.
Please pray for me.

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happy birthday or some junk
03/23/2013 09:14 p.m.
I am 39 and I still don't know how to talk to people.

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Ringing in your ears
02/11/2013 02:07 a.m.

You know that ringing sound that you will perceive when you are in a very quiet area? Some people say this is an auditory-illusion brought about the ear’s inability to detect frequencies below the threshold of the human senses. This is completely wrong. That ringing covers up something else altogether. If you are quick, patient, and maybe a little lucky, you will be able to hear past the ringing. What you will hear are voices whispering to each other. They will silence themselves quickly but with practice, you will become more adept at catching and interpreting what they are saying. You will hear things of the past, the present, and the future. However, you must be careful. Because there is no such thing as a voice without a body.

And when you start noticing them, they will start noticing you.

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Sick to death
02/11/2013 01:26 a.m.
I don’t feel stagnant and sad anymore. Now I feel disgusted and angry. I have sat here long enough setting on the far left corner of my ugly, uncomfortable couch. I have worked at a part time job since April of late year that keeps me on edge because of the fluctuation of my hours. I am tired of having to borrow money from people so that I can keep my small little shanty of a one bedroom. I have had to try for food stamps. I have tried over and over for another part time job but nothing has panned out yet. I worked at a seedy hotel that only gave me 8 hours a week and it was teeming with prostitutes.

I have redone my resume to where I think it looks more appealing to employers. One promising employer at a Vet Clinic said that I “killed” the interview and that resume was “awesome”.

So what now? Eh? What now? I am qualified for something better than working at a hardware store that makes their living on selling faulty products on purpose to make more money from the unsuspecting denizens of this city. I keep hearing that I will catch a break soon. That something will come along. Something better…

Does that mean that this has become something like fishing? That I have to wait for that big fish to bite? Or is it time now to go into the water with a spear?

Like I said, I am tired of feeling stagnant and sad. I have let this whole thing affect me on all points of my life. My art work has suffered, my writing has really suffered. My relationship with my wonderful girlfriend has been strained at certain points.

I am sick and tired of this. Just so very sick of this.

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Ghost site
02/11/2013 01:23 a.m.
No one is never on here.

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04/13/2012 11:21 a.m.
Does anyone feel empathy anymore?
Does anyone care anymore?
Why Do I want to draw my Grandfather's dying face?

I never love how I feel. I never want to bring it to light, for fear of something bad happening.

Are we producers now more than consumers?
Are we too busy to stop and listen to others because we are shouting over their heads?
We are so busy looking for someone to validate our lives and feelings that we forget there are others out in the world that need and want the same thing. We are all out here in the dark with our arms open and ready for an embrace. And when someone comes into our arms. We are too preoccupied with our own selves to hold them.
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to a leaky faucet

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Better now then later
11/30/2011 04:38 a.m.
Thanks Giving came and went. But it left me with that feeling that I get when I leave my parents house…isolation. Sadness. That sort of thing.

I would just once like to feel understood by them. As son, as a brother, as a person. I talk to them, but the things that I say are not understood and are looked over. I look at them and feel hollow. Why? why do I feel hollow? They both have good jobs and happy relationship with themselves. Although one has had a divorce and the other has just had a baby. But…what else? I dunno. I feel unfulfilled.

I lost my job of 16 years at the Public Library and then soon after that, I lost my girlfriend to another man. I moved out of her place and into a place of my own. I was with out a job for months and then found a job or a job found me rather at target. I have worked there since the end of August, and I loath it. The pay and the hours are pitiful, the employees are too. And for some reason I can’t seem to get over the loss of my job of more than a decade. It’s left me feeling worthless and rudderless. I feel like I am floating aimlessly about.

I have often thought about asking for my old job back. But I know I would not get it back. But there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.

I sent in an application to Barnes and Noble with a letter of recommendation from a colleague. And even with 16 years of working with books, I still didn’t receive the job that would’ve only been part time at best.

So what do I do? Where do I go? I am 37 years old without a college degree. I love to write stories and draw and lately I have neglected that as well.

So what am I worth? So what do I have to give to this world? When will I find my way again?

I am too tired to spell or grammar check, so forgive me if you should find any.
I am currently Bummed

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08/23/2011 05:23 a.m.
*waves white flag at you*
I don't want to fight or complain or any other things that occurred in the past.
So if we can't be friends or enemies, lets just be neutral.

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It's only funny till someone gets hurt....
07/17/2011 08:01 a.m.
A dear friend of mine said to me,"man you must have been a wife beater in a past life, because you have crap luck with women."
Well, it made me laugh.

To have two women that I've cared for so much, do the same exact thing to me.

So now I am left with horrendous trust issues and self doubt.

I am currently Bummed

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It's been a while
03/17/2010 05:15 a.m.
I haven’t been on this site in quite a while.

A lot of things have happened since then. I started a new job, but it’s still with the same place. I found out that the strange and terrible abdominal pains that I’ve been having was gall stones, and after much shouting and gnashing of teeth and utter terror of going under anesthesia, and praying and praying and praying some more. I bit the lead slug and made an appointment with the surgeon and last week, on March the 8th, I had my gall bladder removed by the process of laparoscopic surgery. I didn’t know that the pain of passing a gall stone can be as painful as having a baby. If that’s so then I’ve “given birth” to dozens of gall stone babies!

So now I’ve got 4 holes in my torso and 3 in my upper torso and one in my navel where they removed the pear shaped organ that emulsifies fats from, and that hole hurts! Who knew that once the abdominal muscles were punctured then it’s quite hard to do menial tasks, like getting up out of bed and turning on showers and getting clothes out of the washer and well, you get the picture.
This is week number two of being off of work because of the removal of said gall bladder. Let’s just say that I am getting a little weird. I’ve googled pics of Dale Gribble and I thought about drawing a picture of him fighting a giant roach or some kind of monolithic pest. I’ve showered wearing a trash bag over my body and sealed the neck hole with duct tape to my flesh and it hurt taking it off.

Oh, did I mention how raw your throat feels after you’ve been intibated? Yep it does…Feels pretty bad
I am currently Stupid
I am listening to dirty jobs

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