The Journal of Timothy Burns

Better now then later
11/30/2011 04:38 a.m.
Thanks Giving came and went. But it left me with that feeling that I get when I leave my parents house…isolation. Sadness. That sort of thing.

I would just once like to feel understood by them. As son, as a brother, as a person. I talk to them, but the things that I say are not understood and are looked over. I look at them and feel hollow. Why? why do I feel hollow? They both have good jobs and happy relationship with themselves. Although one has had a divorce and the other has just had a baby. But…what else? I dunno. I feel unfulfilled.

I lost my job of 16 years at the Public Library and then soon after that, I lost my girlfriend to another man. I moved out of her place and into a place of my own. I was with out a job for months and then found a job or a job found me rather at target. I have worked there since the end of August, and I loath it. The pay and the hours are pitiful, the employees are too. And for some reason I can’t seem to get over the loss of my job of more than a decade. It’s left me feeling worthless and rudderless. I feel like I am floating aimlessly about.

I have often thought about asking for my old job back. But I know I would not get it back. But there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.

I sent in an application to Barnes and Noble with a letter of recommendation from a colleague. And even with 16 years of working with books, I still didn’t receive the job that would’ve only been part time at best.

So what do I do? Where do I go? I am 37 years old without a college degree. I love to write stories and draw and lately I have neglected that as well.

So what am I worth? So what do I have to give to this world? When will I find my way again?

I am too tired to spell or grammar check, so forgive me if you should find any.
I am currently Bummed

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