The 1st time
11/01/2005 10:08 a.m.
This is a very personal journal entry, so please do not comment.

I need to tell a little story about Halloween and me. I just woke up and realized that at no time yesterday, did I think about BJ. This means nothing to anyone but me, so let me explain. BJ was a friend of mine for several years. She was born on Halloween and after her marriage fell apart, I fell in love with her and into obsession. She, however did not fall for me and eventually married someone else. She told me she eloped with him a few days before Valentine's day, so for the past several years, Halloween and Valentine's day have been terrible days for me. I don't know what even made me think of her when I woke up, but it must have been some little reminder to me that I am finally over her. It seems odd to me that she never once entered my mind on her birthday, as I work in the same high school that we both attended way, way back when. So many things could have reminded me, and yet, nothing. If not for my current state of happiness, I would be sad at such a thing.

But what is most important to me now is that I have found someone special to fill my mind and heart. Today I feel like I am leaving the past behind me, my demons are exorcized and I can head into the future with an open mind and heart for someone who truly cares about me. That is such a good feeling! To think I had given up hope and closed my heart, determined never to let it be broken again. I feel like going out in the back yard and spraying the hose up into the sky....
JJ


I am currently Happy
I am listening to Letting Go by McCartney & Wings, from Venus And Mars

Secret time in private space
10/27/2005 05:58 p.m.
I wish there were pockets of secret time in space where a person could go without being bothered or distracted. Then, when you're done with whatever it is you needed extra time for, you could slip back into normal space and continue where you left off. There is so much crap involved in living I get bogged down with it all. It would be nice if I could just take care of the normal things and not have to worry about all the snags. It feels like being on a treadmill all the time, sometimes it slows down to an easy pace, but it never stops so you can get some real rest. Even when I'm sleeping I don't get enough rest and my dreams are full of more crap. I don't even want to think about it all, and talking about it is no help at all. Most of it is too complicated to explain and I don't want to get into it. It would also help if I had some secret money. Not a lot, just enough so that I could afford to go back and forth to work. I am 40 cents short of a dollar t take the bus home. So I will have to walk home, an hour walk, and then find more free time to do the things I need to do after work, having lost the extra time it took to walk home. JJ
I am currently Tired
I am listening to I'm So Tired, by the Beatles

Hurricane Insanity!
10/26/2005 02:24 a.m.
So here I am complaining about my day out in the rain and cold wind and my mother just called me. She usually calls me about stupid things so I was considering not even answering the phone. But I did, and she proceeds to tell me that my brother Stan was sent to Florida over the weekend in spite of his protesting, due to the hurricane. So he was thinking of quitting his photography job, rather than risk his life to take pictures of college students. Well, sure enough, he was right in the middle of Wilma. He survived it, but now he's down there with no food, electricity, or anything else and he's supposed to stay down there for 3 weeks to do the job. Because of the condition of everything there, he may not be able to get back any sooner anyway. That's just crazy. I think he should sue their butts off for sending him into the eye of the storm and measuring his life against the money they are making off of his skills. Greed is a seed of hate and I really hate that aspect of life. JJ
I am currently Angry
I am listening to Like A Hurricane by Neil Young

reality or creative imagery
10/19/2005 02:06 a.m.
I have this problem that has become apparent recently and has me wondering what poetry is real and what is just a figment if the creative imaginations that poets and artists are prone to have.
I have read some really personal poems that I was very moved by, only to find out that the events in them didn't really happen and I wound up feeling deceived. I should realize going in that many poems are not litteral in meaning, as imagery often plays a big part in their creation. But then some are based on dreams while others are just created completely from the imagination. I write some of my own this way, so there's no reason to think others don't. But the ones I write are usually not so deeply personal. Those poems are generally straight forward and I leave a note saying if they are inspired by dreams or not exactly the way the events actually occured.

So when I read one that really grips me in a personal way, it's shocking to find out if it's not real. Sometimes they involve the death of a loved one and then I really get bugged out. I wonder sometimes if I should comment on certain poems, in case it turns out they aren't real, or if I do and they turn out to be real when I thought they were imaginary. Feelings could be hurt.

One of the things I worry about when writing is being misunderstood, which happens no matter how straight forward I write a poem. So it seems to be one of those damned if I do, damned if I don't situations. I will just have to assume that whatever I am reading is reality based and if it turns out otherwise, so be it. Better to be safe that sorry, but it sure would help if poets added Author's Notes to avoid confusion. JJ
I am currently Clueless
I am listening to Across The Universe from The Beatles Let It Be: Naked cd

It's a conspiracy I tell you....
10/10/2005 05:10 p.m.
Well, maybe not, it could just be the way pathetic lists newly posted poems on the main page, but for some reason, I hardly ever see my poems listed there after posting them. But if I click on the list of recent activity, there they are at the top of the list. So what gives? I know about the 3 poem limit, but I just posted 3 and not one shows up on the list. Or is there some thingy that excludes your own poems from the list while everyone else can see them? I feel like I am getting cheated out of free advertising. Maybe it's for paying members only. Though I have paid in the past in my previous incarnation, and do intend to as soon as I catch up from the Summer off syndrome at school, I don't think it would be set up to exclude those less fortunate. Well, not that any of this matters, it's not like I am going to collect royalties for reads of my poetry, but I don't think too many people are posting their poems just to have them conveniently located for themselves. Imagine if we were getting royalties for reads, LOL, like one penny for each read, could you just see the chaos it would create? Poets devising all sorts of ways to entice readers to spend as much time in their libraries as possible. Poets writing more poems and having libraries even bigger than mine, writing clever titles for each folder and each poem, hoping it will intrigue them enough to read what is within.... But where in the world would Gavin get the money? LOL!!!! JJ
I am currently Clueless
I am listening to The guy upstairs, vacuming his floor, perhaps my brains are too

It's just a joke! Hahahahahahaha!
10/04/2005 09:57 p.m.
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
I am currently Merry
I am listening to The echoes of my laughter

LOST, and I don't mean the TV show!
09/26/2005 07:57 p.m.
Well, I lost 39 poems, 100 reads and 3 comments, plus a journal entry and comment on a journal entry, not to mention a bunch of pictures I posted and the time it took me to upload all of that. I want my money back! Oh, it's free, that's right, I didn't pay anything. But still, now I am going to have to duplicate everything that's gone and spend the time to do it all over. I hope there weren't any new members who got deleted. They won't know how to contact anyone. Geesh, another day back and Keri and Philip would have been reinstated by default. Isn't there something about double jeopardy that you can't be tried twice for the same crime? LOL, I know we wouldn't win the case, but it sure would have been fun trying....





I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to Could We Start Again Please from JC Superstar

As fate would have it, and it always has it
09/24/2005 02:43 a.m.
I wasn't able to go to the peace march and I am home alone and miserable. Not only can I not go, but somehow, my digital camera got broken. So now I am doubley pissd off. My lifes stories never have happy endings. I am so sick of it. JJ


I am currently Angry
I am listening to Helter Skelter by The Beatles

Going to DC for peace march?
09/23/2005 10:17 p.m.
Things are looking very positive at the last minute for going to the peace march in DC. I am getting ready and hoping I can get in a car pool. It might not happen and I may have to come back home on the bus tonight if there's no room in a car and it doesn't cost too much. My brother is giving me a small loan till next week when I get paid. JJ


I am currently Excited
I am listening to Tug Of War by Paul McCartney

Being poor really sucks!
09/18/2005 04:19 p.m.
For the past 4 months, I have been planning and looking forward to going to the peace march in Washington DC next Saturday the 24th. Well, because of the way we get paid when the new school year starts, I don't have enough money to go now. I had to pay my rent, which was two weeks late and therefore had to pay extra, plus, my landlord is raising the rent because of rising heating costs, even though the heat won't go on till November anyway.

But, there is an outside shot I will be able to go due to unforeseen numbers of people going to the march. One of the local organizers happened to be at the showing of a movie I went to see last night. It was Tim Robbins movie/play, Imbedded 2005, a political anti-war satire. I recommend it to anyone who has not seen it and is not Republican, haha, as it will likely be very painful to see the truth, even in a play.

Well, back to the march.... The organizer told me about one of the other organizers who is arranging car pools because so many people are going they ran out of buses. Now, we have had as many as three buses going to other marches in NY City and Washington before, but I have never been to one where we had four going from Albany. They filled all four buses and tried to find another bus, but all other buses have been chartered by other groups already. So if they can't find can't come up with another bus by Thursday, some will have to drive cars down. That means I may be able to hitch a ride with someone and then pay them back the following week for gas money. With the price of gas as high as it is now, it may wind up costing me more to ride in a car, but what can I do? And that will only be possible if the person driving down agrees to allow me to go and pay a week later. I can only hope!
Peace,
JJ


I am currently Peaceful
I am listening to Tug Of War by Paul McCartney

Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 Entries