4 My brother Who keeps me SANE
08/06/2006 11:18 p.m.
This is for my brother who tells me I'm beautiful, that there is something wrong with my eyes, as I don't see it his way. Thank you Joe. For my brother who tells me I am wrong, and I need to change, someday I will. For my brother who says if I were not his sister he would make me believe in love, maybe I am starting to so don't worry. In answer to your questions, yes I am ok, working on better than ever. Yes I know Mike is a REDNECK, no need to remind. No I can't runaway yet, you do not need to come to Jersey and cut off you know. I have no desire to hear that drawl in soprano. No I am not insane, I am quite (ab)normal. You called and asked where YOUR letter is. How is this? Does it need to be longer? Much love kisses blah blah blah, hi ho hi ho right back to the shrink we go, when we get there let's drink some beer, hi ho hi ho hi ho.......
Did you like that song? ;)
Love,
UR BBO
I am currently Evil
I am listening to commercials that really blow

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Introspection for Breakfast
08/05/2006 08:24 a.m.
While dining on her thoughts she thinks she may have figured out what growing up is all about. (Note to self, boy it is a little late for that isn't it?) It may be the difference between doing what you want to do and doing what you have to do. Which makes no sense at all really, in youth you are told what to do by your parents, and you hate it but most of the time do it because you have to. Then you grow up and you are "told" what to do by society. You do it for quite some time, mostly without thinking; that is of course until something comes along and wakes you up. Then you get up, get dressed and eat your thoughts for breakfast, because you are hungry for something and food will not suffice.
While dining on her thoughts that are at this point rather tasteless and dry, her mind flashes back to the night before. When she went out to dinner with someone she did not want to be anywhere with, but was. To the empty spaces where they were supposed to talk, but never did anyway. The spaces that were now filled with the knowledge of how it could be and wasn't. Trying to alleviate the uncomfortableness of it all, she mentions a watercolor of two people dancing hanging in the dining room and says she likes it. He replies, "I think it is gay" not refering to joy of course, instead he is referring to his homophobic tendencies. Her attempt failed, as usual she returns to the place she started, within. Time passes, he says, "What are you thinking about?"... she says, "Nothing"....which really means everything. She can't help it really, she can hear Billy Joel somewhere in the background, Scenes From an Italian Restaurant, and it carries her further inside where the real "her" is trapped. Time of course passes as it always will, she attempts to eat, but nothing tastes like it did before. What used to be delicious is now tasteless, but she realizes the problem is not in her palate, it is in her mind. He, now the uncomfortable one, asks again...."what is your problem?" So she being curious as to what his response would be, asks "What do you think your future will be like?"....In a fashion typical of him, he starts to speak about, of all things, his dogs. Which one will take hound of the year, which one will be bred, which one runs the fastest, etc. etc....All about dogs, she thinks to herself again, "Why am I here?" not really listening anymore. Somewhere in the middle of his dogtalk, she interrupts with, "What about YOUR life?"
Snidely he replies, "My life?" and points to a woman in the corner who is holding a baby she is feeding, while eating at the same time. That he says is life, and you can't do that, so my life is all about dogs now. She responds, "Well perhaps you should find someone who can do that." His response? "It is not your fault you have bad breeding genes, I have decided to keep you anyway"
Then she is hit by the thought, my God I am just one of his dogs.
This is what she had for breakfast, there was much left over. But she was so sickened by the taste of it that it could not be finished. Tired of growing up, she considers growing down.
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to false wind of a fan

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Bathed in the light of the moon
08/03/2006 08:06 a.m.
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest~Afterglow INXS

It is you who is closest, no matter where I am..........
I am currently Blue
I am listening to my heart

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What R U doing?
08/02/2006 04:35 a.m.
What am I doing awake at this unGodly hour? 12:27 am.
I am trying to think my brain into being tired. It is not working. My body on the other hand is exhausted. It is tired of all the things my brain keeps putting it through and screaming at me to shut down.
So I went out in the dark and hunted odd looking bugs, happily I found quite a few, which I of course made into movie stars. I was dive bombed by one of them, a cicada who was very cute. He was mad at me cause I started taking nude photos of a large grasshopper looking bug, I have no clue what it was. I was taking photos of the cicada before him and I think he was angry that I turned my attention elsewhere so he kamikazeed me quite a few times. I also seen a very interesting looking moth, but she, being all vanity, flew away before I could capture her on film.
Say hello to my little friend, he would not tell me his name....

I am currently Blue

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Need
07/31/2006 08:19 p.m.
Yes, I do.
I am currently Needy
I am listening to Brittany play my recorder

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Tempis fugit
07/30/2006 03:01 p.m.
All I long for at this moment is a time machine, if I could I would rewind to last night. Then I would stay there forever.......I long for ago.
I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to my heart beat loudly

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eyes wide open still..........
07/29/2006 01:38 a.m.
Yes I am awake, yes I am exhausted, but still I can't sleep. Peace eludes me as do other things I desire. And who am I to tell?
Who do you talk to? When no one can know? A keyboard is the who. Funny thing is this pile of clicking plastic never replies, but somehow the clacking sounds soothe me. I guess this is a rhythmic way of talking to myself in silence. I wish the clickety clack could offer advice, respond in a manner. Is there such a thing as automatic typing? Nope. Just tried and nothing happened.
Figures.
I am currently Empty
I am listening to Blathering background TV noise

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Sleeping Beasts
07/27/2006 03:02 a.m.
I am writing this on the off chance that you may be reading it. If you are reading this, you know that I am referring to YOU.
Sometimes it is better to sneak quietly past a sleeping beast, then it is to arouse it. Having said that, I will tell you now, it is too late.
I hope you know what you have done, and I hope you will not regret it. Do not say you have not been warned.
I can not say whether it is La Porte de l'Enfer or La Portes de Ciel as I have never been brave enough to venture within.

I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to fish tank filters, fans

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Long time no ink
07/15/2006 08:41 a.m.
It seems lately my pen has gone dry. There is no new anguish to fill the fountain with. I am in need of something to jar my soul awake again. I can hear my mother now(be careful what you wish for, you might just get it)I wonder should I listen to her?
Or should I wish anyway, change is necessary for growth after all, isn't it?
Or is it Pain is necessary for growth?
I can't remember now, the two are so tangled, I am not sure I can unravel the truth.
I am currently Detached
I am listening to infomercial that is merciless

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NO MORE TESTS FOR ME
09/07/2005 05:38 a.m.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOT ONLY AM I A MAN STUCK INSIDE A WOMAN'S BODY I AM HITLER......THIS IS GETTING PROGRESSIVELY WORSE......FUNNY AS HELL THOUGH

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