thanks a whole lot Uriel Tovar
09/07/2005 05:33 a.m.
First the pink crayon, now I find out I have the brain of a man, who likes to be spanked....no wonder I am so confused....I am a man stuck in a womans body who likes to be spanked and wear purple underwear.....Yikes.....

Your Brain is 26.67% Female, 73.33% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

I feel better now....
09/07/2005 05:28 a.m.
Was reading Tovar's journal and I thought this was funny so I tried it.....guess I know what I need now;)

You are

LITERARY EAVESDROPPING
08/17/2005 05:38 a.m.
The other day I found out my brother reads all of my journal entries, and he says he is worried about me.

Dear Joe,
Why? Because I am acting human perhaps? you are not used to that are you? In my deepest darkest parts I really am. Even if I do not show it in everyday life I am.
I know I act heartless and tough. But in reality I am a SAP. Sickening isn't it? Don't worry I WILL get over it.
Or are you worried because all the people I love die. Over and over again, they all die. But Joe consider this, we all have to die at some point. Mine just go to the other side sooner than most. I am sure there is a lesson in it for me no?
Well anyway Joe, I know you love me. And you know I love you. And we both know that really I am fine. Bored perhaps, stifled a bit, but still fine. I will find my way I always do, don't I?
that is that.....Love, Me (your biggest fan)

Anyhow......tonight I thought maybe if I popped a bottle of bubbly and put on some tunes perhaps I could crack my soul and write something heartfelt and worthwhile...oh well the champagne was good anyway, but I wish I had some dark chocolate....should have picked it up when I thought of it....
BUT no cracks have come only scratches and they do not hurt enough to bleed. SO I guess I will have to wait for some further pain to wake me up. As the scheme of things goes for the past 10 years someone should be walking out of life again and maybe my heart will be awakened again.......
WHO THE HELL KNOWS?
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to FISH TANK FILTERS

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Dear Maria of 2035
05/19/2005 09:57 a.m.
Dear Maria of 2035,
I am beginning this so I do not forget to do it later. I am worried that you (me now~you later) may become like your own grandmother after another 30 years or so of life. That you may become so buried by the regrets of time, and the dissappointments of life that you will become a bitter know it all like Nana. Knowing as I do how you do not want that to happen, I have decided that I will write to you (me) now so that later you may read these letters and remember who you are now, and not become a bitter old woman.

Try to keep these things in mind, a suggestion is much better than a demand, just because you may think you have seen it all and know all the answers does not necessarily make it true. Your answers are your own not someone elses. Just because you have made mistakes and learned from them, remember that does not give you the right to take away anothers mistakes by making them do it your way. We all learn different lessons from our mistakes and we need them. Youth is a testing ground for age, do not try to give all the answers to the test that would be cheating. Remember to forgive, do not become the unforgiving know it all your own grandmother was, she died lonely remember? Is that what you really want?

I will write more to you later, and I will of course print these out and put them away for you to read when you become you, and no longer are me. Perhaps then we can rejoin and be the person we are meant to be, and not the stone worn smooth by time denying all the bumps and pits of the past.

Much love and hope,
me (you)
I am currently Detached
I am listening to nothing

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Billie Jo
04/04/2005 09:26 a.m.
Is it because your birthday is coming that I am thinking of you now? No more likely I just miss you so much. I miss all of it, the phone conversations, the analytical way we both had of looking at everything; the fact that I could pick up a phone from miles away and connect with you in a way I can't find with any other human being I know.
I wonder sometimes where exactly you are, not physically, but spiritually. I know you are still around sometimes, I can still hear you. Did you hear me the time I picked the phone up and dialed your number, I forgot you had left for good. Out of habit I dialed you and did not realise no one was there to pick up until the phone rang. Remember when we used to joke about old ladies out for coffee and how that would be us someday? Never knowing at the time we would never have our chance to be what they were, I never once thought the memory would come in this way. Did you? I wonder sometimes is that why you drove so fast all the time, took all those crazy chances, and lived for yourself hungrily eating every last moment? Did you know? Somewhere deep inside did you know that only you would be your own undoing and not something else? If you did I wish you would have told me, I would have made more of the little bit there was. Knowing you though you would not have wanted me too. I wonder still can you read this? Can you see the words printed in my heart? Do you know how much I still need you here? I guess we all do. I think back to you telling me, "If I don't have kids before I am 30 I never will," you died when you were 30. How did you know? I wonder when will you answer my questions, you always did before and I am sure you will someday. You may have died but our friendship never will...
I am currently Sad
I am listening to fish tank filters

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Tired and waiting to dream
03/22/2005 05:08 a.m.
I am tired and confused....tired from the world, confused by the people...in particular a person who will not give me their name..instead hide behind made up names. Why? Angry that I have a yearning to know. Why should I care? But somehow I do. I really don't understand why, but I do. I suppose if it is destiny that I should find out I will. But if I never do I will always wonder and that could drive me crazy. Under the Tuscan Sun....My Imagination come to life echoes through my head..driving me insane. Thanks alot...
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to the clock ticking my life away as always

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Morning again
03/15/2005 11:52 a.m.
As the gray of day
wipes the black away
I wonder who will do this for me?
Like a tree reaching for the morning sun
grasping for a new beginning
I feel my heart yearn
Where is my light, who will take my black away?
Come my rising sun
Shed light on my black night
help me to see
I am waiting for my dawn
I am currently Tired
I am listening to fish tank filters

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Snow Day
03/01/2005 01:11 p.m.
Currently we are covered with snow....and it is starting to take effect, everyone here is cold. Not in degree but in mood. I think we are all jealous that we are not as pristine white perfect as the blanket that covers our world. Or realizing that we are all trapped inside together
we see how much we despise one another? Who knows but I hope it melts soon, as I hate frigid moods. Familiarity once again seeds contempt and the garden is growing.
I am currently Angry
I am listening to fish tank filter

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Morning
02/14/2005 11:42 a.m.
Tired....random thoughts playing tag in my head.
What will I be thinking when I die?
What will the last image my eyes will see?
Will I be ready to leave?
Will I be missed?
I hate mornings...
I am currently Tired
I am listening to fish tank filters

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