Dichotomy
08/20/2006 02:27 a.m.
The one place that joins also separates, the mind....
the bridge and the wall, both exist in this one small space, perhaps we should think with the heart instead?
I am currently Blue
I am listening to silence

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Isolation
08/18/2006 11:58 p.m.
We are matching spark and flame
Caught in endless repetition
Life for life we'll be the same
I must leave before you burn me
I am the stranger who deserts you only to love you
In another life ~SECRET SEPARATION
The Fixx
There are no better words than these......I am still bathing in blue
I am currently Blue
I am listening to the color of the moon

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Electronic Grandma & Cat hair
08/16/2006 02:54 p.m.
Ok that is it I am jumping ship.....I was just forced to watch as Brittany's tamagotchi met a mate, feel in love, and as she put it...."Look Maria they are doing S-E-X in the dark" the screen went black and there were fireworks in the air....(I can hear her outside right now singing my tamagotchi had a baby to her friends) Then the small electronic blip popped out a smaller blip....So I have now been forced to watch an electronic courting, kissing, procreation seen all done in black blips of nothingness....funny this device in all of it's inanimation has a more fulfilling life than I do...I will find it later when she is sleeping and flush it in revenge.

Then my cot (intentionally misspelled)started pulling his hairs out. He will soon make his transformation from fekete muchka cot to scabby catty, I hate it when Peter does this. It seems he is stressed out about something, cause he has no fleas so it must be stress.... He is so pretty when he is soft and fuzzy, now he will be an evil scabby cat again. I keep telling him to stop and the moment I come back in the room there he is caught red handed with a mouthfull of his fur....I think he is reflecting my emotions of stress right now. He is like that, when I am angry, he attacks, when I am happy, he purrs, when I am hungry, he makes me pet him so he can eat. So in order to save my beautiful cat who has no tail any further stress I think I will read a book and relax.....see how pretty my fekete muchka is when he has hair
Soon he will be a scabby catty if I am not careful and then everyone will make fun of him, they already do cause he has no tail.....my poor kitty.
I am currently Sad
I am listening to the tick of a clock I hate it

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Might as well, not like I am sleeping.....
08/15/2006 04:43 a.m.
I might as well do this, it is not like I am sleeping, 12:38 am and I am still awake.....ARGGGHHHH....When I want to sleep I can't. When I do not want to, out I go. Of course it did not help that I had those lovely little middle of the night phone calls from drunken saints looking to make confession, or that I had a deadline for tomorrow I was not aware of until 10 pm.....last minute is the worst...and it does not help that the place I am sleeping is NOT where I want to lay....Mea Culpa, as always.
Well at least if I can catch the lunesta moth by the wing she can carry me where I want to be.....Isn't that how it happens on TV?
Oh yeah that is all make pretend isn't it? Damn liars those commercial people are....
I will have to send them some dead green moths just to teach them a lesson.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to stupid TV

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Are you really alive or do you just live?
08/13/2006 01:49 a.m.
Now when faced with the question....Are you really ALIVE? Or are you just living?
Alive would be when everything counts, each and every moment, sort of like knowing you are going to die and sucking the life out of each second that passes. Just living is more like spending your seconds passing the time until you can truly come alive.
You know getting up, getting dressed, cooking breakfast, don't really care....it does not matter.
Passing time, reading something; taking your mind off of what you are really thinking about.....knowing that if you don't you may go mad.
Waiting for the next thing that needs be done, or doing things that don't really need to be done....to take your mind off what you are really thinking about because it is driving you mad.
The thing that you think about all the time.....really being alive. Just living used to be so easy.
What have I done to myself? I am not sure I like who I have become. It was so much easier being numb.

I am currently Anxious
I am listening to my thoughts I wish they would shut up

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Wonderful 1:54 am
08/12/2006 05:56 a.m.
Drink to me only with thine eyes
And I will pledge with mine.
Or leave a kiss within the cup
And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise
Doth ask a drink divine;

First published after March, 1616, in the poem "To Celia"

Now back to our regularly scheduled program HELL.


I am currently Blessed
I am listening to My heart

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Go figure...
08/11/2006 08:09 a.m.
Ok 3:58 am, you get up and quickly send secret messages to the counterpart in your head, on waves of electricity. Hoping the enemy does not catch you.
Realizing you live in Liberty township with a smirk, as there is no liberty here.....none at all. You consider then, exactly what is in a name? Nothing....nothing at all. Only things in a name are letters, small black squirmy lines that move through your mind to make you see what another is trying to say. Even when they can't find the thoughts themselves. Then you switch back to consider that when the lines start to move around too much chances are they will make you mad. The squirmy black lines swim upstream to the banks of your mind, grab onto the dry land of your subconscious and take root, then grow. The start of a horrible forest, populated by creatures so frightening you run from them at every turn and hope they do not catch you. So you build a boat of sanity, created of course with more black squirmy lines (thought/word) hop(e) inside and take the same river. Only this time yo fight to go back upstream, back to sanity. Which of course lies (pun intended) somewhere in your heart.
My gorgeous Island, where you live.

I am currently Blue
I am listening to click clack click clack

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Word of the Day Freedom
08/10/2006 09:23 p.m.
Such a simple word, such a hard thing to do. Why? Sometimes I hate the way the world is set up. Exactly what is freedom really? Is there really such a thing as being free. My only free place these days is my mind.

free·dom ( P ) Pronunciation Key (frdm)
n.
The condition of being free of restraints.
Liberty of the person from slavery, detention, or oppression.

Political independence.
Exemption from the arbitrary exercise of authority in the performance of a specific action; civil liberty: freedom of assembly.
Exemption from an unpleasant or onerous condition: freedom from want.
The capacity to exercise choice; free will: We have the freedom to do as we please all afternoon.
Ease or facility of movement: loose sports clothing, giving the wearer freedom.
Frankness or boldness; lack of modesty or reserve: the new freedom in movies and novels.

The right to unrestricted use; full access: was given the freedom of their research facilities.
The right of enjoying all of the privileges of membership or citizenship: the freedom of the city.
A right or the power to engage in certain actions without control or interference: “the seductive freedoms and excesses of the picaresque form”
I am currently Angry
I am listening to Katy on the phone, Gosh my ears.......

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compunction \kuhm-PUHNK-shuhn\, noun:
08/09/2006 11:52 a.m.
Compunction: 1. Anxiety or deep unease proceeding from a sense of guilt or consciousness of causing pain.
2. A sting of conscience or a twinge of uneasiness; a qualm; a scruple.

This is my word for the day. I am going to meditate on this. Is it better to cause yourself pain, or to be the cause of anothers pain. What is the real answer? Do we live for ourselves or do we live for others? Do we sacrifice our own wants and needs in the name of compassion? I used to enjoy my empathy for others, now I seem to despise it at times. Where have I put my compassion for self? Which box did I pack it up in? I know it must be here somewhere. Who is more important at the end of the day, the one you must answer to in your own mind, or those on the outside of that wall? I must figure out this mystery. I must find my box.
I am currently Disillusioned
I am listening to dogs playing

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Everyday my liver falls out
08/08/2006 09:17 p.m.
Joe! Cyberland ate your poem when I was in the middle of writing it!!!AHHHHHHHH
Did you do this?
Figures you freak. You even control my damn electronics from DC.
Zappo just like that.
I am currently Puzzled
I am listening to Nothing

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