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The Journal of Shonda Chrissonberry

I so desire...
08/19/2005 04:16 a.m.
to see the back of my eyelids.

Sleep is my enemy.
It teases and torments.
It plays tricks.
It thinks that it is clever.

That is what it gets for thinking...

Last week I started taking melatonin. At first I was only taking 3 mg (which the bottle says is "extra" strength) ~ but I have since doubled it and now take 6 mg of melatonin every night.
And, yes ~ I did consult a doctor before upping the dosage. It makes me tired ~ within 45 minutes of taking it. And when I lay my head down ~ I fall asleep. Imagine the concept. Actually falling asleep at night. Hopefully within the next few weeks, my body will get used to the change and I won't have to take the pills anymore.

Now staying asleep for a normal length of time ~ that is a whole other battle.
At least I get to see the backs of my eyelids for a short time.
Maybe my natural melatonin won't get too jealous. Even if she does ~ she will just have to get over it. After all if she had been doing her job in the first place, none of this would even be happing.

Nothing is ever easy for me ~ even my lazy melatonin gives me a hard time. Go figure.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to nothing.

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Why did I even bother finding out?
08/14/2005 05:56 p.m.
As if I weren't depressed enough already.

YOU ARE CHALLENGER DEEP You hold the distinction - you lucky thing, you! - of being the deepest point in the Earth's oceans. The extreme depth of the Marianas trench, near the Philippines, you reach 10,924 m (35,838 ft), enough to drown Everest with five Empire State Buildings on top. And whereas the number of people to have climbed Everest is now comfortably in three figures, only two people have ever made it to your lowest point. That was back in 1960. Your known contents are some silt, one flatfish (probably now deceased) and a considerable quantity of water. I am Challenger Deep!
Which Extremity of the World Are You?
From the towering colossi at Rum and Monkey.
I am currently Unhappy
I am listening to the thumping of my headache ~ that won't GO AWAY!!!

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guess I don't get out much...
08/06/2005 03:37 a.m.


create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.


**maybe one of these days, my Knight in Shining Armor will come sweep me off my feet and take me to all the places I have never been before ~ yeah right
I am currently Needy
I am listening to nothing ~ again.

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survey says...
08/02/2005 02:57 a.m.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||| 23%
Stability |||| 13%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Interdependence |||||||||| 36%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical |||||| 23%
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism || 10%
Materialism |||| 16%
Narcissism |||||| 23%
Adventurousness |||| 16%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 43%
Self absorbed |||||| 23%
Conflict seeking || 10%
Need to dominate || 10%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||| 23%
Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50%
Individuality |||||||||||| 43%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||| 30%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical Fitness || 10%
Histrionic |||||||||| 36%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 43%
Vanity || 10%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were very high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.


Trait snapshot:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous


**thanks to Mike Sabino for the link ~ and i must say that this is pretty accurate

I am currently Tired
I am listening to encore of "sixteen candles" on AMC.

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if you don't put a subject here ~ you get an incomplete form...
07/30/2005 03:02 a.m.
So, I have already done all of this once ~ but failed to place something in the little subject box ~ so everything went bye-bye. I must really be pathetic to do this for a second time. And on a Friday night to boot. Somebody save me. Or put me out of my misery.





Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male



Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!




73% ~ that's a good thing ~ right?
next..

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!



Good to know.
and finally...

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Modifying

Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.
You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.

You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested.
You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.

An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.



Learn something new everyday.
Oh, and this time ~ I remembered to double check the subject box. So I actually learnt two things today. I feel so smart.

I am currently Bored
I am listening to tv in the background.

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considering that all of these ?'s had to do with animals...
07/29/2005 01:20 a.m.
...how in the world did they know? I would have to say that it is pretty accurate.










The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.




**I borrowed this from Uriel. :)
I am currently Calm
I am listening to All I Need ~ monk & neagle.

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shortest journal entry ever
07/28/2005 03:08 a.m.
HI!!!
I am currently Dorky
I am listening to myself.

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Have we no compassion?
07/25/2005 11:02 p.m.
At the end of June, a Pat Salmon & Sons driver (a sub-contractor for the USPS) was on his way to Arkansas with a box load of mail. He never made it. En route, an accident occured and the truck burst in flames destroying much of the box and killing the driver.
I remember this because of the news story related to the accident. The anchorwoman says "Some of you may be getting your Social Security checks late this time ~ details next." So of course, I "stay tuned". The story was on the accident and subsequental fire and death of the driver. But the main point was the money. Now please, don't get me wrong and don't take this out of context ~ I know that for some individuals this check is their only lifeline. But what about the life of that driver and his family? Funny, I never even heard them mention his name.
Well, this morning when I got to work ~ on my desk lay a large, clear USPS envelope with a check marked with singed edges. I knew at once that this check had to have been on that load. I actually shivered. And thought of that driver. So when it came time to make the deposit ~ I opened up the envelope, instantly smelling that unmistakable smell of ruin and I shivered again. And thought of that driver.
Tucked neatly behind the check was a small typed note on a sliver of paper. It said:

~ Postal Customer: Your mail was damaged in a fatal accident of a non-postal contract mail vehicle enroute to Arkansas. We apologize for the damaged condition of your mail. ~

That was it. I do believe at that moment my mouth hit the floor. I was speechless. The lack of compassion in that snipet of "mail" infuriated me. One ~ they did not have to mention it was fatal. Two ~ they made sure to let the customer know that it was not their fault, that a "non-postal" employee was to blame. And Three ~ no signature, nothing. It was like some peon decided to just slap a few words together and hope they made sense. At least they did apologize. Does it matter who's fault it is? That man lost his life.

And I said a silent prayer for that man and his family ~ hoping that no one in his family would receive a piece of the mail that just so happened to be on that truck with that lame apology enclosed.

I just don't understand.
I am currently Stunned
I am listening to the quiet.

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i sure wish i knew...
07/23/2005 11:30 p.m.
...who said this.
(besides my flip-book of quotes)

It is good for us that we sometimes experience adversity and sorrow, for they often make our hearts understand that we are only strangers and sojourners here for a time.

Because we would have alot to talk about.
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to nothing. (as usual)

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I need peace
07/18/2005 05:02 a.m.
hold me Jesus, by Rich Mullins

Sometimes my life just don't
make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm
shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my Glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul I swear
There must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm
shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my Glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Then to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm
shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my Glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace



I am currently Restless
I am listening to hold me Jesus ~ Rich Mullins.

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