sometimes a song says it all so well
02/08/2005 03:36 a.m.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f***ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day

**heard it on the radio today and started to cry ~ but what else is new?**

I am currently Melancholy
I am listening to the voices.

Comments (0)

what's all the fuss about anyway?
02/06/2005 04:19 a.m.
Ok, I must confess.
I really don't like football ~ or any other sport for that matter. Never cared for it. Never understood any of it. Never really wanted to.
I always had more important things to do. Like read a good book. Or pen a few of my thoughts. Or watch a movie. Heck, even just relaxing and thinking a bit is more fulfilling to me than to sit for two hours and watch grown men fight over a ugly, brown object.
I just don't know what all the fuss is about.
And I have never watched a Super Bowl game or attended one of those coveted Super Bowl parties.
Ever.
But tomorrow, all of that will change.
Well, one aspect will at least.
The singles group at my church is throwing a Super Bowl party. And I am going. I doubt that I will be one of the ones in front of the TV mind you ~ but I am going nonetheless.
More for the fellowship than for the football.
Still don't know what all the fuss is about.
Heck, I don't even know who is playing.
Now, ask me if I care!
I am currently Festive
I am listening to humming.

Comments (0)

trying to find my life
02/04/2005 06:54 a.m.
I would like to be able to go one entire day without doubt, worry, or fear of my future.
I would like to wake up one morning, and just be satisfied in the dawning of a new day. The next day of my life. To be able to put my feet on the floor and want to get out of bed. To face my day with a happy attitude, not some blah outlook.
I want to go to work and like what I am doing. I want to have fullfillment in my job. I want to touch other people with the work of my hands. To produce fruit worthy of my Father's calling.
I want to anticipate coming home after a long day of doing what God has for me to do. I want a house full of love, laughter, and sunshine. Not empty rooms wishing to be filled. Silence day after day.
I want to lay my head to rest each night with the peace that I am living the life God intended for me to live. I want my night time talks with God to be full of thank you's, not why me's.
I want a heart to love me, a soul to cherish me, and arms to hold me. I want a new last name for the rest of my life. His name.
I simply want to live. But not the life I am meandering through at the present moment. I want to live the life meant for me.
I would like to be able to go one entire day without doubt, worry, or fear of my future.

Will someone please tell me how?
I am currently Dismayed
I am listening to the tapping of my keyboard.

Comments (0)

facing a "depressing" fact
01/30/2005 11:07 p.m.
depression ~ a condition marked by hopelessness, self-doubt, lethargy, ect.

signs of depression:
depressed mood (check)
persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt or worthlessness (check)
fatigue or lack of energy (check)
reduction or loss of pleasure in life (check)
decreased motivation (check)
negative or pessimistic thinking (check)
change in eating habits; weight gain or loss (check ~ unfortunately for me it is the weight gain)
sleep problems (check)
frequent crying (check, check, and check)
irritability (check)
being worried a lot (check)
frequent headaches (so many checks, I can't count)
digestive problems (check)

**perhaps I should see a doctor? or maybe I could just wish all the bad away? sounds good to me, gotta be better than this, because this is really depressing ~ at least it gives me something to write about**
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to my depression.

Comments (0)

the best news I have had all year
01/26/2005 03:19 a.m.
My next door neighbors are moving out!
That means...

no more mowing the lawn at 10:30 at night
no more parking in my driveway
no more peeling out when asked to move your vehicle from my driveway
no more fixing your truck in the back yard right next to my bedroom at 2:30 in the morning
no more 4:00am fights that contain cursing, yelling, and the slight mention of a gun
no more police visits because your girlfriend got drunk and couldn't find her way home thus wandering around the neighborhood until someone called the cops and complained
no more reeving your camaro at 6:00 in the morning
no more loud parties
no more backing into my car and then acting like it never happened
NO MORE YOU!!!!!!

(just a little fyi~ I have lived in this neighborhood my entire life and never in my 30 years have people like this lived in that house ~ gotta love rent properties ~ I actually live in a very safe and quiet neighborhood ~ we don't get much excitement ~ and I like it that way ~ sure hope the next renters are much nicer)

I really am a nice neighbor. Promise.

I am currently Excited
I am listening to the usual.

Comments (1)

the "D" word should come after the "L" word
01/23/2005 12:03 a.m.
Sometimes the innocence of children makes me smile.
Last night as I was driving, I mentioned to my niece that I had a birthday coming up.
She says, "I know." Like I was silly for not realizing that she realized.
Then I asked her if she knew how old I would be.
She then proceeds to tell me, "Yes ~ you will be 30."
All of the sudden she gets real quiet.
And as serious as serious can be ~ she says, "You will be really close to the D word."
Of course I know right away what she means.
I ask her, "Do you mean dead? I am real close to being dead?"
Then she says, "Yes, but Shonda I don't want you to die. I would miss you so much."
It took all I had not to giggle at what she had just said. But I knew that this child was actually scared that I was getting so old that I was fixing to die.
So I assured her that even though I may be turning 30 next month ~ God willing I should still be here. That 30 is not that old. And if for some reason the D word does visit me ~ I will be ok, because I would be in heaven with Jesus.
Seemed to calm her a bit.

Funny thing is ~ the thought of me turning 30 is about as bad as the thought of me dying without living.
But I can't stop time, and I can't stop aging.
And I sure can't stop the D word, so I guess I will just go with the flow. See where life takes me from there.
And pray that the D word stays away just a little while longer. I still have a few things I want to do.
Like fall in love....get married....have a few little ones.....
you know the L word! (live)

I am currently Scattered
I am listening to nothing.

Comments (0)

curosity almost killed the cat
01/21/2005 03:20 a.m.
You have heard the old saying ~
Curosity Killed the Cat.

Well, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

My Nannie (bless her soul) feeds all the stray cats in the neighborhood. Seems the more she feeds them, the more they stick around. And the more they stick around, the faster they multiply.
Needless to say, we have quite a few strays hanging around. Which is not all that bad, because they sleep under my house (I live across the street from my Nannie, by the way) and keep all the mice away. I detest mice. Filthy, filthy creatures.
Anywho ~ where was I? Oh yea ~ the old saying.

Tuesday night, Nannie called me to ask if I could come over and fix the color on her TV. Seems my aunt thought it needed an adjustment when in fact it suited Nannie just fine. I am rambling again. (see how easy it is for me to lose my train of thought) During the course of the conversation, she tells me one of her kittens has gotten it's head stuck in a jar.

And it being a stray, it won't let anyone near it. Poor thing. Can you imagine having a jar stuck on your head? We tried in vain for 2 days to catch this kitten and release it from its self made prison. Well, today my uncle managed to catch it by the tail, slip the jar off it's little noggin and get scratched in the process.

So I suppose the old saying is somewhat true. Had we not been able to catch the little fella...

well we won't think about that ~ will we?
I am currently Dumbfounded
I am listening to the tv.

Comments (0)

sleep, who needs it?
01/19/2005 04:01 a.m.
I was making the comment to a co-worker today that I look alot older than my 30 years. And of course, he had to agree.
All because I seem to have a problem sleeping.
If I get two solid hours a night, I am doin' good.
The glare of my alarm clock is like a flashlight shining into my eyes. I actually have to face my alarm clock toward the wall to block it's ugly green stare.
And every little noise wakes me up. Down to the almost silent beep my cell phone makes to let me know that the battery is charged. Yes, that wakes me up.
I am considering taking one of those sleep disorder tests, but I know the moment they attach all those patches and wires to my person ~ I can just give it up. There is no way I could sleep like that.
It would only make my sleep pattern worse. Thus making the test null and void.
So I guess I will just have to get used to having no sleep.
After all ~ seems I have been sleepless for about 8 years now. You would think my body would have given in.
Suppose I just have stubborn melatonin.
Wish I knew how to give it a "wake-up" call.
How funny is that?
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Iron Chef on my TV.

Comments (0)

just a thought
01/15/2005 05:38 a.m.
Why is love so hard to find when it is so easy to share?

And why don't we passionately share it with others?

Perhaps, it is because they ~ the others ~ are so hard to find.

Sometimes, I wonder why I can not find my other to passionately share a love with.

Some things in life~I mean love~are just that hard.

(to find)
I am currently Questioning
I am listening to the stillness of the night.

Comments (0)

go rent these-now!
01/08/2005 09:38 p.m.
I don't usually recommend movies, because so many individuals have such different taste in what they prefer to view ~ but I rented three this weekend and they were so good, just had to share them with ya. (that was a really long sentence)
So here goes: (note the variety)
1)Shaun of the Dead ~ ok, I admit it. I love zombie flicks, especially zombie flicks with a little comedy splashed in for good measure. But besides the comedy, there were actually a few moments when things got serious ~ that was what I liked the most. All you zombies freaks ~ gotta see this one. You won't be disappointed.
2)Wicker Park ~ one word ~ raw. This movie shows you what love, obession, and heartache can do to a person and or people. Kinda like a chain reaction. Never have I seen a movie with so many broken hearts, false relationships, and selfish acts. All in the name of love. I don't like romances at all. This one is my exception.
3)Troy ~ gotta have the epic, right? I originally rented this because of Brad Pitt. (lol) No, really ~ I enjoy period pieces like this second only to the horror genre I suppose. Brings me to another place and let's me disappear for a few short moments. Added bonus was that the movie was awesome.
Nothing better then spending an entire Saturday curled up on the sofa watching movie, after movie, after movie.
As a matter of fact, I think I'll go watch Shaun of the Dead a second time.
Gotta love movie-lazy Saturdays.
I am currently Lazy
I am listening to Troy in the background.

Comments (0)

Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 Entries