Hell yeah, John Mayer!
11/21/2004 08:31 p.m.
Daughters by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too


ok ok. i realize it may come across as kinda archaic or something... but i just think this is the sweetest song. and i dont think it's meant to be sexist or promote some kind og male superiority. i think it fits our times tho. if i were a guy, id be goddam tired of coming across girls with all these issues becuase they're parents were fuck-ups. It would frustrate me to no end. between there really not being too much i could do to help, and all that extra baggage taking its toll on your relationships... i dunno. i know i'm tired of being one of those girls. and three days into the treatment, i know i'm tired of zoloft too. but i like this song.

whatever.

Oh, and my camera STOPPED working this weekend. God's had my friggin attention for a long time. He can stop with the theatrics and clue me in any time now. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to Ummm... a-DUH!

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Adam always knows how I feel. You would too if you ever asked.
11/12/2004 05:05 a.m.
Chelsea
By Counting Crows

I never go to New York City these days
Something about the buildings in Chelsea just kills me
Maybe in a month or two,
Maybe when things are different for me,
Maybe when things are different for you
You know all of this shit just sticks in my head
Is there anything different these days?
The light in her eyes goes out
I never had light in my eyes anyway
Maybe things are different these days
It's good for everybody to hurt somebody once in a while
The things I do to people I love shouldn't be allowed
Something about the buildings in Chelsea kills me
Something about the buildings in Chelsea just kills me
Is there anything different these days?
The light in her eyes goes out,
I never had light in my eyes anyway
Maybe things are different these days
I dream I'm in New York City some nights.
Angels flow down from all the buildings
Something about an angel just kills me
I keep hoping something will
Is there anything different these days?
The light in her eyes goes out,
I never had light in my eyes anyway
Maybe things are, maybe maybe maybe
Maybe things are, maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe things are different,
Maybe things are different
Maybe things are diufferent
The light goes out
I never had light in my eyes anyway
Maybe things are different ......these days.
I am currently Melancholy
I am listening to Duh

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THERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!
11/02/2004 04:38 a.m.
SO, NOW THAT OSAMA BIN LADEN HAS ACTUALLY OFFICIALLY ENDORSED JOHN F. KERRY IN THIS PRESIDENTIAL RACE, I DO HOPE THE PUBLIC SEES THAT AS A RED FLAG REASON NOT TO VOTE FOR HIM. VOTE FOR ABSOLUTELY ANYBODY ELSE. DO NOT VOTE FOR THE CANDIDTE THAT OSAMA BIN LADEN FAVORS. THAT WOULD BE STUPID. INCREDIBLY, FATALLY, STUPID!

I am listening to the cosby show

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Time...why do you punish me?
09/23/2004 05:22 p.m.
We're rapidly approacing the tragic end of daylight savings time. The classic rite of passage from summer to fall. But summer stood us up this year, and these shortened days are becoming some of the longest days of my life. and i think i just accidentally started the poem I've been trying to write all month.


I am currently Bleh
I am listening to my brain never shuts up. Ever.

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Is it June yet? I graduate in June.
09/20/2004 03:12 p.m.
So, waking up at the asscrack of dawn to get on the bus for school truly sucks the joy right out of living.

No. Wait. That's my MOTHER sucking the joy out of my life. I had a pretty productive discussion with my dad about this nonsense after my crying fit from hell passed. Monday was just a lot of sobbing. But friday night was a good talk. I think he sees a little bit that i'm trying to deal with her, and she just makes it unbearable. I also think he see i do sometime think about things and solutions to this problem very seriously. Like living at Gramma and Grampas. I've thought about that, and about what it would entail, and its not ruled out, but I dont see it necesserily being the best avenue. I live a curfew free life. I disappear for weekends with the band and babs and stuff. and for as much as my mother is a pain in the ass and never shuts up, i get to do these things. i dont want this aspect of how i choose to live my life to put a strain on the good relationship i have with my grandparents. i dont want to resent them for not letting me do these things, and i dont want them to relent on it, but then be up all night worried about where i am and how i'm doing. They're old. they need their sleep. On the other hand, if things get any worse, I'll have to suck it up and do without some of the social luxuries i enjoy living at "home." i think i got it across to my dad that my brain works that way. i do see all points to this issue, and i'm making decisions based on real consideration for the pros, cons, etc.

And then we made fun of Dan Rather and "60 Minutes" for being a bunch of jackasses. HAHAHAHA! I'm so glad we're on the same page politically! =)
I am currently Jumbled
I am listening to the sounds of the computer lab

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Thank God someone can say what i mean when i can't
08/17/2004 02:30 a.m.
Wish We Never Met
by Kathleen Wilhoite
Disappointment stops by from time to time
to see how I'm doing.
He came by last night right after you left
my life in ruin.
When I don't get what I want
the spoiled child inside breaks down,
kicking, screaming, preying, and dreaming
for a love lost and found

I wish we never, I wish we never,
I wish we never met
'cause now I've got my heart set on you.

Humiliation asked me out last night;
I had nothing else to do,
so we took a cab to loopy drunk, had conversations
I couldn't get through,
and another stranger's eyes
were trying desperately to meet mine,
but I looked away, tabs to pay, lies to say...
like," How are you?" Oh, "I'm doin' fine.....but I ...."

I wish we never, I wish we never,
I wish we never met
'cause now I've got my heart set on you.

and I don't get what I want
from another stranger's eyes.
and I don't get what I want
from another stranger's eyes.

I wish we never, I wish we never,
I wish we never met
'cause now I've got my heart set on you.

I am currently Empty
I am listening to something to match my mood

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1000 eyes will smolder with jealousy...
08/08/2004 02:12 a.m.
i started working the new york Ren Faire today. the first people to walk in were Jackie and Gomer. they''ve been together since their freshman year. that's going on 6 years now. later on, Stephanie P. and Nagle stopped by. They have also been together for 6 years, since they were freshmen. something *HAS* to be wrong with me, beyond the physical, that i somehow seem to repel commitment-minded boys. i should learn to be like barbara and manipulte boys and fuck with them until they can't accept ever not being with me, so we date for yeeeears. Then when we break up, they'll still talk to me becuase they cant bear the thought of not having me around to some capacity. maybe i could even get stalked a little bit. Babs complains, but even tho i'll never call her on it, i know deep down she revels in the way all her ex-es always want her back. meanwhile, i dont even have any ex-es, so no one could want me to go back to them, even if they tried.

i mean, i really try not to dwell on this shit, because let's fae it. its pointless. i'm the secret hook-up girl. thats as good as it gets over here. i should accept that and move on. but it just gets to me. i feel like it just gets rubbed in my face everywhere i turn the more i try to ignore it. and babs wonders why sometimes after she's been talking for a long time about boys x, y, and z, i can seem upset or pissed or something, and she yells at me cause i never tell her what the problem is. but i really dont want to be that petty, jealous, fat ugly friend who hates everyone who's ever happy in front of her. so obviously i cant be like "well, all you do is talk about boys, and it's making me hate you." what the hell kind of person does that?

And Amanda's not much better. in fact, she and babs are a lot alike. and they both just kill me. my favorite part is when one of them seems to want my advice or opinion about a relationship. like i have any fucking clue how THAT works. what a bunch of assholes. Hi. Have we met? Do I "date" guys? no. then how the hell should i know what YOU should do about your precious fucking boyfriend? answer me that.

and i hate that this even matters to me. i really do. but you know what? fuck that, because the fact is, it *DOES* matter to me. it matters to me, and its hopeless, and its never going to change.
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to SilverSprings~Fleetwood Mac

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I can't believe it
06/19/2004 02:59 a.m.
My car is going to die soon. I feel like i'm about to be sold into slavery. that's probably and outrageous analogy, but that car was my freedom, and very soon, i'm not going to be able to get in that car and get away from this house. Hopefully i'm wrong. Hopefully it'll... heal? Can cars just get better?

yeah right.

this summer is really starting to SUCK.

And i'm the whiniest brat i know. what the hell am i bitching about? at least i've owned a car.

but to be honest, that's no consolation. it never is. being better off that some, or even most, doesnt make the tough times any more bearable.

I can't believe that with all the BS i've suffered thru since i got home, the thing that finally made me cry was the prospect of losing my car. a fucking car. my step-father's been bitching at me for a week about putting the pool cover on wrong *once*, a boy at a party thought that i owed him something becuase i was sharing a blanket with him (there was no other choice), and it wasnt even *HIS* blanklet, but what made me cry? losing my car.

what the fuck is wrong with me?

I need to smoke some pot.

Like, now.

AAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

(in other words, BAH!)
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to my sister is watching a teen movie. someone kill me.

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Virtues are great and all, but patience wears thin.
06/18/2004 02:02 a.m.
And i'm not being impatient. I just feel cheated out of some secret club every other girl i know is a member of.

I wish this mood would pass.
I wish i could write something.
I wish i could *feel* something.

Well, you can wish in one hand...



I am currently Empty
I am listening to absolutely nothing

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move over, nancy.
06/17/2004 07:43 a.m.
i'm in the perfect mood to walk away and never look back
I am currently Detached
I am listening to nothing at all

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