Gazelle
01/03/2005 05:49 a.m.

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animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

Near Death Expiriences, And Other Essential Things
12/29/2004 06:34 a.m.
I just almost died with amanda on 9W. We were at the malloys/supervalue interesction coming from tompkins cove and a fucking 18-WHEELER MAC TRUCK came barreling down mainstreet and proceeded to try to turn right onto 9w facing us in our lane at like, 30mph!!! i was so fucking scared, i couldnt move! all i could do was honk my horn and scream "STOOOOOOP" at the top of my lungs... as tho that would somehow help. the guy stopped like, five inches away from my car, and when i finally composed myself (i totally panicked and forgot whether i was in my old cavalier, or my new buick, so i couldnt shift into reverse until i found the damn lever, which wasnt until the truck stopped) as i finally backed up, THAT FUCKING CRAZY ASSHOLE MORON DRIVER HAD THE BALLS TO FLASH HIS LIGHTS AT ME AND STARE ME DDOWN AS HE DROVE AROUND ME!!!! CRIST, THE FUCKING NERVE!!! I'm fucking shaking right now. I cant believe that. I've had similar expiriences at the train tracks around here... the bars and lights dont always go on in time, and sometimes the train will be RIGHT THERE while your passing thru..

This County... This school district... It's a fucking DEATH TRAP!!!
DEATH TRAP!!!!
Get out as soon as you can!!!

I am currently Troubled
I am listening to nothing

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Jesus Is The Reason
12/24/2004 09:01 a.m.
Today, God gave me a Christmas present. I was thinking about how much I'd like to see the pot Episode of Roseanne, and now its on!!! =) That's so fun! And its pretty fucking good, ya know that? By far one of the best most accurate portrayals I've ever seen on a sitcom. Only That 70s Show is as good. I'm impressed. But I'm impressed by that show regardless, somehow. I'm not even sure what it is. But something about that show really entertains me and draws me in. So few shows do that anymore. It's all bullshit reality TV. If i wanted reality, I wouldnt have the fucking TV on.
I just figured out what it is about Roseanne. It's a much more honest show than any of this Reality TV stuff. Reality TV is probably some of the fakest nonsense I've ever seen. Ummm.... "The Real World"??? Not since "the bitchslap heard round the world" episode. it was pretty much downhill from there. And CORAL!! That shrew! She's never going to not be on MTV!!!!!! Coral gets more airtime on MTV than ANY muscician or band, but I hate her!!!. I dont understand it. Who the hell wants to just be aggravated while they watch a program just because one insane person has to be difficult all the time?? Just let it be FUN!! And educational at times too Learning counts as fun too. But GOD DAMN, it should not be STRESSFUL! and thats mostly what TV is these days. stressful. but now you just share in EVERYBODYS lives and drama, instead of just your own. People discuss it with their friends and coworkers, mild debates break out about taking one persons side over another. Why the hell do we watch that?? It just doesnt make any sense. We need more relaxing stuff on TV. just nice, normal, genuinly funny and entertaining sitcoms, and even some *fictional* dramas, like prime time soaps, but not like, 10 every night. maybe one or two a week. (90210 and Party of five ONLY (insert your own favorite primetime soaps from back in the day. after all, this is only specuation.:-P) I dunno. i just remember i used to really enjoy watching current TV programs, but not anymore. Its just all bullshit.
That's just sad.
I am currently Nostalgic

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2004 Survey
12/17/2004 06:16 p.m.
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Failed At School And Life. Nope, never did those things before! And drove all the way to Ithaca twice! that was fun!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
no and no

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
not that i know of

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no,thank God.

5. What countries did you visit?
I dont *DO* international travel

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
inner peace, a new car, more money... and to live someplace other than my moms house. Riiiiight!

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
i smoke pot. i dont remember dates. but i suppose novembers elections and the craziness surrounding the campaigns this year will always be in my mind

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I'm not sure i really achieved anything this year. I'm in therapy, finally. is that an acheivement?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Fall Semester??

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
General Anxiety Disorder? Panica Attacks worse than ever before? Depression like I've never seen in my life? And a special thanks to my Mother and Father for making all these things possible.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Pot Fairy Costume

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
No ones behavior merits celebration anymore.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The same people from last year, sadly. More sadly for them than mu/us, tho.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I drive a cruis liner on wheels. Hess has most of my money. then old navy. then walmart

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being the pot fairy for Forest Of Fear. but that kind of a sad thing.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
probably not just one song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? waaaay sadder.
b) thinner or fatter? about the same
c) richer or poorer? just as broke

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
good decision making.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
money spending, time wasting.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
no. i think maybe i never will again. the first time was quite enough, thank you very much.

23. How many one-night stands?
one... In Albany this summer. But only becuase we have no time. We plan to get together again.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
nothing is quite good ebought o be a favorite

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no. like i said. still the same people

26. What was the best book you read?
i'm still reading it. It's called "Bias"

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sarah Slean

28. What did you want and get?
i think i'm getting and iPod for christmas

29. What did you want and not get?
pretty much everything

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
i suspect it will be "Finding Neverland"

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21. And i spend the midnight hours cuddling in Albany (before the one night stand, which was about 10 days later), then the rest of the day was spent working, then giong to dinner with my dad and family, then at babs's, then with amanda.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
officially taking the fall semester OFF like i told my dad i needed to. But men dont listen. its just not in their nature. Fuckers!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
I dont really *do* fashion.

34. What kept you sane?
Nothing. I'm fucking batty. They put me on zoloft and Xanax

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dubya. and fuck you in your stupid asshole if you have a problem with that, because I dont fucking care what you think about it.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the frightening prospect of John Kerry Being the president of this country. But thank the Lord, that didnt happen. *WHEW*

37. Who did you miss?
Sadly... no one.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I dunno

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
College is not for everyone. Most specifically, it may not be for me.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"the sky is grey, the sand is grey, and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home in this stunning monochrom, alone in my way.
I smoke and i drink and everytime i blink i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am, i'm proud of the fact that i'm worse than i seem"
I am currently Apathetic
I am listening to nothing

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The suspense was killing me, but not fast enough... Damn.
12/10/2004 10:49 p.m.
So I've finally had "that talk" with my father. No, not the sex talk. sadly, we're far beyond those days. No, this was the "school talk."

He doesnt hate me. At least, I dont think he does. But at 12:30 AM, (he works a night shift), he called and porcedded to ask me "what i want to do with the rest of my life." And this conversation dragged on forever, and amde me whish i had filled that Xanax perscription sooner. And after he asked me a buch of questions, and i answer "i dont know" to all of them, after he assured me that "I dont know" is a perfectly acceptable answer to the questions... He sent me to bed and tried to encourage me not to be up all night thinking about these things.

Right, Dad. Becuase that's just SO easy for me. And its not like that's what i've been doing since i was NINE years old... laying in bed unable to sleep becuase my life makes no sense to me, and i'm determined to make it make sense before i start dreaming for the night.

I love my dad to death.

But i really wish he wasnt a man.


Becuase i hate men.

And i've been trying to figure out what i want to do with my life now, every night this week.

And i've come to the conclusion that really... I dont want to do anything.

I have no interest in continuing to exist on this planet. I dont like it here all that much, the rules are stupid, no one follows them, no one enforces them, no one cares... I would never have pickec this for myself if i'd been given any kind of a choice. What have i got to look foward to? The promise of heaven? I kind of suck at my spiritual life way more than i do in physical life. And i just dont CARE anymore. I DONT FUCKING CARE.

What i want to do with the rest of my life, is die in my sleep before next semester starts, so i dont have to answer the question, "What do you want to do with the rest of your life". or, even worse than that, follow through with it.

And i really dont give a good god damn who thinks i'm a whiney brat for this, or who thinks i'm squandering my opportunities in life, or who thinks i should be grateful for what.

Right now, i just want endless sleep. not school. not my parents. not work. not money. not friends. not family. not the pressures of hating myself for being such a shitty person. not the bullshit of life. just endless sleep.

And 5 grams of pot. Its payday. I an at least make that one happen.
I am currently Clueless
I am listening to Daughters~John Mayer

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I guess that makes me a moron and a redneck
12/08/2004 07:19 a.m.
Canada is not part of my plans for the next four years. I actually have the AUDACITY...no...the STAGGERING HUBRIS... to be pleased with the outcome of this election.

But hey, a moron redneck like me has no business using those big words. Too many syllables. Too abstract in their usage. And GOD FORBID i pronounce one of them wrong.

I guess i'll go back to gay bashing and going out of my way to keep the black man down. (Sorry, I forgot, it's African-American, whether youre from Africa or not)

OH WAIT!! Now i remember...

THIS IS STILL AMERICA! BEING A CONSERVATIVE DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE RACIST. OR HOMOPHOBIC. OR EVEN EVIL!

You liberals out there can have fun making your generalizations and stereotypes about the right-wing. Dont worry about it, the right-wing will give the same right back to you. But dont forget that YOU ARE THE ONES who nanner on endlessly about the evils of stereotypes and generalizations. Hypocrisy is not party-specific.

Just a little food for thought.

God Bless America.
I am currently Frustrated
I am listening to nothing

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Cant Keep Anything A Secret On The Internet
11/30/2004 04:40 a.m.
Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"

Submission
You live to serve! You're most excited when someone else takes the reins and controls the situation. You're happy to do whatever will make your partner happy, even if it isn't your favorite thing to do. In the bedroom, you aim to please. Your motto is, Yes Sir/Ma'am!


Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Dependent Personality Disorder
Diagnosis: Dependent Personality Disorder. A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation. Difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others. Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Incredible!
I am currently Flirty
I am listening to Roseanne

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Filarious!!!
11/23/2004 12:40 a.m.

Your Girl Parts Are Named: Velvet Love Pocket