(9:41 p.m.), but who knows for sure?
04/22/2004 01:46 a.m.
To not talk 'blah blah blah' I have to not talk at all!! Hahahahaha! Seriously.

Mood: Amused
I am listening to Some crap on T.V.

Comments (1)

5:00 PM and about to leave work...
04/21/2004 09:06 p.m.


I have decided that in order to organize my internal world
I must first organize my external world. So here I am
beginning AGAIN with this journal entry. It is a new
routine that I will be adding to my old one. A new JE per
week as well as one JE for myself EACH DAY...

So, here goes my still young attempt at UNDOING...

I also want to say that I have grown so much since
becoming a part of this site and do I know why???

I think I must....thank you ;-)

I am currently Fine
I am listening to Wicked Game - Chris Isaac

Comments (1)

Disappointed?
04/11/2004 12:22 a.m.


(8:11 p.m.)


I was, just this moment, woman #1.

I felt ashamed the instant I SAW...

Now, I am simply LAUGHING HARD...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



I am currently Content
I am listening to GnR - Civil War

Comments (1)

{Music} Tell Me How I Feel...
04/10/2004 11:24 p.m.


wretched Song...I believe in you.
Your life for the sake of meaning.

I would die for you...what I feel is,
I live to die for you...for ME.

Eternity is a sad beauty.
A barrel with a hole at the bottom

Now....for the poem to come Mwaahahaaa!!!

I am currently Feisty
I am listening to Woman #4 (in my dreams) Haha

Comments (1)

Good Friday (10:33 a.m.)
04/09/2004 02:35 p.m.

Why is it that loneliness sometimes increases in the presence of other human beings?

I know why.

Woman #2 and #3 whisper incessantly in my ears. And while I bleed from their taunts, there is comfort in the pain. Pain seems the only redemption and, somehow, I keep coming back to this conclusion...how to get beyond this?

I know how.

Practice...if only motivation wasn't the key.


I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to Barber - Adagio for Strings

Comments (3)

Maybe I am
04/02/2004 04:42 p.m.

A quitter...


I am currently Safe
I am listening to INXS - Never Tear Us Apart

Comments (0)

An Experiment
03/23/2004 11:01 p.m.
(5:52 p.m.)

When we first got married and bought a house not long ago, I went on a mad shopping spree. Yeh know, 'cause I was excited you might say. Also, we needed lots of STUFF. Haha. Yeah. This fulfilled the urgent need on my behalf to use up energy I couldn't put to productive use. Wait a second what am I saying? If we NEED the stuff then it IS productive to shop! Haha. Damn man. I'm feelin' better already and...

I'm not interested in buyin' any more STUFF. This time I'm workin' from the inside out.



I am currently Cheerful
I am listening to some strange self within

Comments (1)

Hmmm....
03/23/2004 03:19 p.m.
(10:22 a.m.)

My stomach is growling loudly. There's this strange taste in my mouth...

It's the sweet sweet taste of POWER.

I am currently Content
I am listening to Myself

Comments (1)

Analyzing Myself: Funny...
03/22/2004 04:02 p.m.

(10:38 a.m.)

I've been holding back lately. More than I ever have before.

I used to love to talk. Discuss. Critisize. Analyse. Joke. Laugh. Be LOUD...

Now I find myself more silent. Less willing to verbalize out loud. I still talk quite often but I don't feel the same solace I once did in verbalizing my thoughts and feelings and beliefs and views and values...blah blah blah.

Still I'm a sucker for a good laugh Hahahahaha! I can usually always find something silly, funny, or sarcastic to say in a CROWD.

Nowadays I joke to myself out loud in my own head. I do rather enjoy this laughter 'reverberating throughout my skull' making me smile BIG on the outside. The CREW wonders why? Hahahahahahahahaha!

I still like talking, discussing, critisizing, analyzing, joking, laughing, and being LOUD...but solace from this exists only in the presence of certain company.



I am currently Detached
I am listening to office clatter

Comments (2)

Taking this thought by the hand...
03/22/2004 04:21 a.m.


11:22 p.m.

I was watching an interview with Donald Trump around noon my time on CNN – not live of course.

He said ‘Let’s face it life is what you’re doing while you wait to die, it’s sad but true.

I’m going to keep on going until I can’t go any longer doesn’t that make sense?’

He likes the creativity his work affords him. He is an ‘outside the box’ thinker.

He is building the buildings and out-doing the doers…signing cities with his name.

His new book, “How To Get Rich”. Simple. Straightforward. He is a simple man really.

I remember looking intently at the screen…looking for some kind of cosmic answer - “Just what is the truth?” – “What is the reality?” – “Why is this bothering me?”

Is it because I don’t have what he has?

Where is my admitted helplessness without surrender? Where is my acceptance of the ridiculous?

Where is my FAITH in the journey?


I am currently Detached

Comments (0)

Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 Entries