Katiedid
12/07/2004 05:44 p.m.


This isn't finished, but I wanted to get it down...

I know I don’t have the right
Or the wisdom
To tell you what love is really like
And yet I am expected to teach you
I want to teach you
Still, my only knowledge of it is flawed,
Full of being human and broken,
Full of hope and faith
Full to overflowing with joy
Saturated, at times, in mourning
Sometimes swept away
In the brush stroke of umber dark and angry
Rekindled when it seems the coals are lifeless black
Love is encounter’s anticipation
Feeling full when your stomach is growling
Feeling pretty when the census says otherwise
The mirror too
Love is laughing during a hard contraction
Ripe with you nearly in my arms
Love is sacrificing what feels good to me
For what might be best for all of us
Even when what might be doesn’t happen
Just the way I hoped
I suspect I disappoint you
That in my care, you suffer
My new path
Seems too full of brambles, uphill
But you don’t see what I see
The sky at the top and the
Unhindered view of the beautiful valley below
On the outside it looks as if I’ve hedged myself in with these choices
And I don’t know how to convey to you
That how it looks where you are
Is not always how it is
Believing in an unseen truth
Can seem a risky process
Maybe I will wake up one day
With salty regret on my pillow
Or maybe my faith in the Light of the World
Will help illuminate your path as well
It is what I hope for
As I place it in His hands
Praying that the truth of love will find you
Once and for all.



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My Girl Come home!!!
11/28/2004 05:27 a.m.
We went to court last week, by my sixteen year old's request to ask the judge on her behalf if she could live with me since her father would not agree to it. She wrote a letter that so moved the judge, he could not hear anything but her plea "...all I am asking Your Honor to do is release me from this hell house...." (her term for her father's house)"...I know God will guide you in making this decision for me..." Four pages of articulate reasoning, and the judge allowed her to come and live with us!!! HA!!!! So, now the pool of energy he used to sap grows smaller still...

And I claim none of the victory as my own, for it's all come about as answer to prayer and the surrender of the outcome being left in God's hands alone. Plus, we've gotten to move into a bigger house, and as things move along, it seems like a puzzle being expertly put together, the pieces very quickly laid exactly in place. I stand in AWE of it all...
I am currently Awestruck

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My 14yr old daughter's first Sonnet!
10/28/2004 05:11 a.m.


Her assignment was to write a Sonnet for English, and I pointed her to our Sonnet section. This is what she came up with, and I'm so TICKLED!!! (By the way, her dad is the one who's latest wife brought four kids with her into the marriage and continues to have babies...)

Never Ending Story
By Kate

I live with my mom and not with my dad
My dad has had his fair share of his kids
Thank god I don't have all the kids he's had
Sometimes I wish to shut them up with lids

When I go to my dad's I get flustered
From all the babies that just keep coming
I probably should just wear the mustard
Little kids with their food mid-air flying

I have too many brothers and sisters
I have to count every time someone asks
Just thinking about it gives me blisters
Halloween is here they'll be wearking masks

When they stop coming it will be glory
Maybe not a never-ending story


I am currently Fabulous
I am listening to My daughter giggling about her first poem!

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Yes it was so sweet...
09/27/2004 06:40 a.m.


It was a surprise party!!!! The girls had streamers, balloons, and cards and candy, and a brownie birthday cake. All my girls were there, including John's oldest daughter and one of my "adopted" daughters (one of my 14yr old's friend). It was the sweetest thing. I was going to stay over at work, and they begged me to come home on time anyway, for all the silliest reasons. I cried and laughed and loved it all, every single second of it!

I must be the most loved mom on the face of the earth, and I don't deserve it, but I'll take it anyway and be thankful!!!

*happy, happy sigh*


I am currently Happy
I am listening to my fading happy birthday memory

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It's my birthday and I'm working!
09/25/2004 06:43 p.m.


Can you BALEEEEEVE it? Oh well...I'm the only one in my dept now who can do what I'm doing today. I can't WAIT to get someone hired and trained, that will be such a huge relief!!

My husband gave me the absolutely sweetest card last night (a pre-birthday card he called it), and he says he liked another card as much as the one he gave me last night and so he bought them both and is saving the other one for later. *laughing* The card(s) would have been more than enough, but he bought me a steering wheel cover with dragonflies and matching new floor mats that I had been admiring - a rich purple color with dragonflies on them (dragonflies are very special to me, and always seem to "visit" me when I need reminding that life is full of God and hope). It's so wonderful to be loved this way!!!

My 14yr old daughter just called me to ask if she and one of my 13yr old daughters and nine year old step-daughter could walk to the dollar store. *giggling* I think they're cookin something up for my birthday!! They're SOOOOOOOOO cute and precious!!! I can't wait to see what they do to the house, I'll bet they have streamers and balloons and the whole shin-dig all done up. *giggling some more* I couldn't be any more blessed, to have my husband and children want to celebrate the day I was born.


I am currently Blessed
I am listening to a committee of community members' lively veteran discussion

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The contrast
09/23/2004 04:30 p.m.


I don't believe I've ever experienced the contrast of emotions the way I have in this recent personell shift. To feel so entirely excited and horrible about the EXACT same thing is so strange!

I miss my boss. She was so excellent. Excellent moral fiber. Excellently fair. She is brilliant, and I don't get to be exposed to that on a daily basis any more. Beautiful in person and spirit. I just miss her.

I think she took my muse with her! LOL!!!




I am currently Lucky

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My oldest boy's birthday
09/17/2004 08:22 p.m.


My oldest son is turning 20 today. I can't believe it's been so long. I know, I just said that when my triplets turned 13, but it's so true. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?

I got a promotion at work!!! I am now the head of my dept. and will receive a raise as of 10/01. I'm RATHER excited!!! hehehe!!! Also get to hire one person - me - hiring!! Can you ba-leeeeve it? Amazing. God is blessing me in ways I NEVER would have imagined!!

Loving life in a bazillion ways today, that's me!

Praying for the south and all that water!
I am currently Excited
I am listening to the squeek of wet shoes on our facility's floors

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I was wrong!!!
09/13/2004 06:28 p.m.


Thank GOD!! This is one time I am VERY happy to have been wrong!! There was no storm. We are SOOOOOO blessed!!! Our pastor fasted for us day before yesterday, and I KNOW at least three couples who are praying for us. That, and we just didn't want an explosion more than the conflict begged to be ignited. The kids came for their visit - four of my daughters, one of his, the two of us - seven of us altogether, and we were all VERY uncomfortably crammed into my TINY two bedroom (three bed) apartment, but we are none-the-worse for wear! YAY!!!! Will miracles never cease??? WHEW!!!
I am currently Strong
I am listening to the pitter-patter of a joyful heart

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I sense a storm
09/10/2004 10:27 p.m.


I hope I'm wrong.


I am currently Restless
I am listening to flapping of the flags

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Nearly 42
09/09/2004 04:03 p.m.
On the 25th of this month, I'll be 42. It boggles my mind. Being "in my 40's" certainly doesn't feel like I thought it would when I was in my 20's. 40-somethings looked SO old then. I don't feel old. I'm often told I don't LOOK that old (whew!). I feel like I did when I was in my 20's, just expanded (both by experience and too many bologne sandwiches).

I find it wholly annoying to be in my own skin sometimes. I am a Libra on the cusp of Virgo....the scales of balance forever being tipped by that Virgo drive to have everything perfectly in its place. Yipes! No WONDER I'm so discombooberated.

I still secretly hope at the end of this journey, on the day my spirit leaves this body, there is a good laugh waiting. A good joke, the sum of my life, a feeling that it's all so small and silly in the big picture.
I am currently Dorky
I am listening to my split ends crying out for burial

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