Life shifts
04/10/2007 04:06 p.m.
It's funny to me, how life shifts and sways, like an ocean, the tide coming in and going out, repititious but unique at the same time.

Jessica is gone to her first tour of duty. Jeremiah may not stay. Nothing stays the same. But so much of it has happened before.

I dreamed of water last night, reluctant to go swimming for fear the water would be frigid, sticking my toe in to realize the water was just fine, and so I jumped in.

I dreamed of men who represent taking care of their families - Michael Landon and Larry Dunn (a man my ex worked for who still looks after me at times to this day) in some seemingly unrelated circumstances, but with that feeling that they were men who looked after their families (Little House on the Prairie thing, I'm sure).

I feel strange, like I'm watching the movie of someone else's life, mis-appropriated aesthetic distance.

And I'm trying not to cry.



I am currently Detached
I am listening to The minutes slipping by

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Wild Child
04/08/2007 05:27 p.m.
This is what he says I am truly on the inside, a wild child. And he loves my wild hair.
I am currently Blessed
I am listening to His rhythm on my back

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Apparently it isn't easy
03/26/2007 06:54 p.m.
I guess I didn't count on the fact that three years after my last relationship ended, the difficulties I faced would be around to haunt me. Although I've toyed with dating, this is the first real relationship I've been in since the marriage, and when there is even a HINT of a dispute, I just want to literally run away and protect myself...even though the situations are completely different. I have this over-exaggerated response, and it feels ridiculous at the time, but it's awful. I actually started shaking and quivering, and I couldn't track what he was saying. It's the most unexpected thing happening inside of me. I would NEVER have thought that what I experienced was THAT traumatic. I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to the ticking of the time clock at work

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Thanks to Maria Massarella
03/24/2007 04:43 p.m.
Thanks to Maria Massarella for telling me how to import my pics!!!!
I am currently Geeky
I am listening to Harry Nilsson

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PICS!!!
03/24/2007 04:21 p.m.

I am currently Amazed
I am listening to Harry Nilsson

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I haven't been able to log on at home for days
03/03/2007 05:13 p.m.
I've been jones'n!! Dang!!

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I'm finally online at home again!
02/11/2007 09:00 p.m.
I'm finally online at home again, and I'm loving it!! Yay!!!

We're all moved in to the new house, just a lot of unpacking yet to do. I think I'm getting a cold, or the flu, and it's no fun, but after the last few months I've had, I'm not surprised.

A friend from a very long time ago is coming to see me, and I can't wait to see him. It's going to be so exciting!! We were very good friends, and I can't wait to see how he's changed and how his ideas have blossomed. Yay!




I am currently Cheerful
I am listening to my post nasal drip. Ugh.

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Fell
12/20/2006 07:29 p.m.

I fell and tore all the tendons and ligaments in my right ankle, bruised both my knees, bruised my ribs, bruised my right hand and wrist...ugh. Laid me up for over a week, and even now I'm hobbling around on crutches looking (and feeling) ridiculous. What a goof!!!

Please forgive me if I've missed thanking anyone for comments made.
I am currently Hurt
I am listening to my ankle heal

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Reflections
12/01/2006 02:40 a.m.

I've been here for three years. Amazing. I've experienced so much, and still have sooooooooo far to go.

I say "ack" alot. I must remember to use better editorial skills as my time here flows forward.

I'm so grateful to have Pathetic as a place to post what occurs to me. Some of it is relevant. Some of it has nothing at all to do with my real life experience, but almost always, at the very least, the thoughts portrayed usually have a little something to do with what occurs to me from time to time.

Thank you to all who have posted comments, voted and the like. It makes me feel less alone where I live, in my heart, where I try to find the words to express myself. I hope to have the internet again soon at home so I can root around in the libraries of my fellow expressers and comment accordingly.

I feel a transition happening in my life, and I can't quite put my finger on it. It has to do with finally letting go of John - well, the hope of John anyway. It has to do with having to move again (the house we moved into last winter is now set to be torn down so that the present owner can build condos...greed is such an inconvience). It has to do with having Peace in places I never had Peace before, in my unmarried heart, in my oft lonely life. It's ok now, and I'm breathing in different rhythms. It has to do with embracing my inner self, my spiritual self, in more depth than ever before. It has to do with growing up, maybe a little bit about growing (dare I say it) older. It has to do with laughing, freely laughing, and finding more and more situations where laughter comes along for the journey. It has to do with being ok in my own skin more and more of the time (nearly always now). It has to do with accepting the fact that being good at what I do (on a day-to-day basis) does not mean I have to LOVE what I do. AND, it's ok to want to BE where I LOVE to BE, to plan for that, reach for that, and not worry about what anyone else thinks about that. It has to do with really taking care of myself, working out, eating better (though THAT process is JUST beginning and probably needs a little more time before it can live without hesitance in this list...). It has to do with my children growing up and moving on. It has to do with realizing the dream last year, and burying it. It has to do with so many other little things I can't remember them all. But most of all, it has to do with moving foward in time, the way we always do, and embracing the latest reality I have summoned into my life.

*taking a deep breath and letting it out*

I really do love my life.


I am currently Content
I am listening to the winter calling my name

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The only difference...
11/28/2006 10:35 p.m.

This is a little "ah-ha" moment:

The only difference between "lies" and "lives" (as in the verb 'to live') is the letter "v", the place where two straight lines converge to make one point. Interesting.


My God but the Warden is something else again entirely.

I am currently Geeky
I am listening to my brain work overtime

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