Gettin too cold for open windows
10/08/2008 07:09 a.m.

Even for me, a person who's normal temperature runs somewhere between 96.7 and 97.8. I've always prefered the cold more than any bed-parnter I've ever had. I adore the fresh air. If I could I'd keep the windows open until the chill of the night air gets to be around freezing, and 4 quilts won't keep me warm. Not even with a sleeping bag in the middle. And I'd just hunker in, covering my head and all.

We have volunteer pumpkins growing on our back porch, from last year, when the kids apparently carved their pumpkins and didn't totally pick up all the leftovers. I don't know if they'll be ready in time for halloween, though. They're so tiny just now.

Finally went to the community clinic today for this sinus infection, paid my $30 for the visit and $12.39 for the antibiotic. The doc who saw me said it was a good thing; the stuff in my nose wasn't just mucuous anymore - there was pus there too. Ew. No wonder it stunk. Two doses and I'm starting to feel better already.

I hate that I need it. I'd rather that my salt rinses and echinacea would make me better. I'd rather die than line the pockets of someone who really doesn't care if I live or how.

My daughter-in-law is 2cm dialated, and Atreyou will probably make his grand debut sometime today. I can't wait to go welcome him! Dear God, I'm gonna be a nanna today.

Somebody ought to tell these young folks the truth, that the older you get, the more you realize you know nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

Where's the groove, fellas? I know I left it here somewhere...


I am currently Feisty
I am listening to the chill in the air

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Job????
10/07/2008 02:19 a.m.

Well, I got a 95% on the actual census test. The job actually sounds kind of interesting. We'll see.


I am currently Trippy
I am listening to my snarffley nose!!!

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Icky, icky sinus
10/06/2008 05:43 p.m.

Three boxes of kleenex and a week later, I'm still sick. But at least my face doesn't hurt as much. My teeth, my jaw, my cheek, my eye, my head...all on the left side of my face. This is such an icky infection. Ewwwww. Still green with it. Yucky. I know, TMI. But I'm just sayin' - I wish it would clear up, literally! I want to breathe again.

Doing salt rinses and echinacea, vitamin C and ginger tea. And drinking broth. And taking Nyquil at night to get some sort of rest.

But today at 1:30 I have to go take a test for a census job. It's only 20 hours a week, and I need to be doing something to make some $$. At least with this job, I would be able to set my own hours. Meme doesn't need CONSTANT care, just four times a day, seven days a week, I have to able to tend to her - her meals, her meds, her insulin, her bath, her laundry, and getting fresh ice water twice a day. It's not the work itself that makes it difficult, it's how it's spread out over the course of a day and leaves me with little blocks of time in between that are difficult to fill with anything lucrative. I got 100% on the online pre-test, so I'm hoping I'll do alright with the actual test through the fog of this infection.


I am currently Gross
I am listening to my nasal congestion - ewwwww

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We got a kitty.....
09/25/2008 05:45 p.m.

Her name is Miracle. She's 3 1/2 years old, once a sweet but ferrel kitten, then with an elderly woman until that woman passed, then at a Cat shelter for the last several months, and now with us. She's very sweet natured, but is having a difficult time coming out from under my son's bed. I have coaxed her a time or two, as she purrs away and marks me as her own.

She's my birthday kitty, I guess :-) (though my son has laid strong claim as her truest companion!!! AND, I'm always allergic at first, until my immune system builds up).

I am 46 today. Ack. I have a hairball. LOL!!!!

But life is good and the world is an excellent place to be today!


I am currently Content
I am listening to the future

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My katerooney is going sky diving!!!
09/19/2008 10:51 p.m.

OMGosh, at 10:00 am tomorrow morning, kate is jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet, and she's going to be gone from tonight until Sunday. And "Ty", the friend she's jumping with, is just a kid too. They both will be attached to someone as they fall, but....Be still, my heart.




I am currently Anxious
I am listening to every plane that passes overhead

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pics of Breitenbush and the coast
09/15/2008 03:47 a.m.

The main lodge



A deer early in the morning that came into camp



Miah, chillaxin between work shifts



Miah and I at the beach



The beach where my dream came true...



Miah in the windbreak before he asked



Miah and I before



And then, after I said yes, we plunged into the freezing waters of the pacific ocean!



I am currently: joyous
Listening to: my love play the guitar



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BACK!!! (and with news)
09/14/2008 03:42 a.m.

Wow. What an amazing week it's been. Breitenbush and the folks who were attending service week with us....OMG. I didn't realize the "crew" is limited to 28 people, and it makes for a very intimate little group. You sign up to work for the different branches of service, and get to meet everyone. We did this "name game" on the morning of the first talking circle, saying your own name, and one thing about you that no one there would know, and then repeating all the names of the people who went before, AND THEN introducing the person to your left...and it worked!!!

And I DID go to the hot springs and get neked. Hehe. Well, I cheated because I went only at night, but you could still tell.

All I can really say is that I felt safe; and accepted exactly as I am. And loved.

The food was delicious, and vital!!! All fresh, all vegetarian, all made with caring hands, and you could tell. I didn't get sleepy at all after any meal there. I hated to go back out into the "real" world. The food out here is just dead in comparison.

We worked two 2hr shifts a day, WAAAAAAAY more work than I do at home, and SO much walking. I've lost 15lbs just from this week!! :-)

On Thursday, at the closing circle, everyone shared and cried and we all exchanged addresses etc.

I can't wait to post some pics.

After Breitenbush, Miah and I had to re-acclimate ourselves to the harshness of the "real" world - retail and tourism and seeming mindlessness. We went to Newport on the coast. At first, we were going to camp, but it just didn't feel private enough there at the state park to debrief and unwind. So we found an affordable hotel and chilled. It was difficult, but we managed.

And then, the BEST part of the weekend....completely unexpected. This morning we went to a little half-cove - beautiful sand there and pristine surf. It was kind of chilly - about 57 degrees - and a bit windy. Miah found where a huge pile of driftwood had washed onto the shore, and someone had taken a bunch of it and made a wind-break. We sat there just soaking up some sun, and holding hands, and talking. Eventually, Miah started talking about "us", and he looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Ali, I do want you to know that I do want us to be married." And, like always, inside my own self, I silently sighed, knowing what he meant and not getting my hopes up since he never progressed beyond that statement.

This morning was different. He went on to say, "So, it's probably a good time for me to ask, isn't it?"

And maybe because I'd geared myself to let go of the expectation over and over again, I didn't catch on right away; didn't realize what was about to happen.

"Will you marry me?"

In my shock, my response was, "Oh my god, you're asking? I mean, right here, right now, you're actually asking that question????"

And before I could answer properly, I was hugging him and laughing and crying at the same time, and so was he.

After I could wrap my mind around what was happening, I told him "yes," and we proceeded to laugh and cry and laugh some more, until finally, we decided the best way to celebrate the moment was just to take the plunge into the frigid waters of the pacific ocean, and so we did (just like we've been jumping into the frigid waters of our wonderfully challenging relationship for the year and a half).

A bright, yellow butterfly braved those winds to remind us of new beginnings.
*happy, happy sigh*




I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to my heart beat out the rhythm of being Miah's fiance!

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I'm off, AND I'm gone...LOL
09/06/2008 11:13 p.m.

YAY!!! Our vacation is finally here!! And I got all the housecleaning done, and the laundry, and the car cleaned out. So, we're off! AND, we're leaving. Hehe.

Seriously, I am so looking forward to my time with Miah, and at such an awesome place as Breitenbush. I'm a little hesitant about not wearing anything in the "bathing" areas, though. Yikes!!! And even the working will be good for me. AND, Miah offered to let me schedule a massage! 90 minutes for $90. Ouch! But it will be heaven!!

I will miss all of you, so please take big hugs from me to you!!!!

I am currently Boisterous
I am listening to the minutes till departure going too slowly!!

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Headed toward Breitenbush and then the coast for vacation
09/04/2008 04:12 p.m.

So, come Sunday, Miah and I will be headed toward the middle of my fine state, Breitenbush Hot Springs Resort, at an elevation of about 2300 feet. So it will be chilly!!!! Breitenbush is an intentional community and worker owned cooperative whose mission it is to care for the hot springs, the land and the Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat and Conference Center. We'll be staying in a hard-floor tent, using our inflatable mattress as a bed, and electricity will be nada. Also, all the bathing and hot springs areas are "clothing optional". YIKES!!!! I'll probably "opt" to remain clothed! LOL!!! Miah and I are going there for Service Week, so we'll be donating about 4 hours a day toward the retreat's upkeep/maintenance (probably outdoors, on the grounds) in exchange for a greatly reduced lodging rate and use of the facilities (hot springs, daily sharing groups, etc.). Also, full vegetarian meals are included in the cost of lodging. That goes until Thursday at lunch. Then, Miah and I are headed to the oregon coast for two more days of the ocean. I can't WAIT to hear those waves on the shore and smell the good, salt air!

http://www.breitenbush.com/index.html

My mother will be taking care of Meme (her mother)this week. It's so wonderful to get a break! Not that the work of caring for Meme is taxing, but having to be here to do it four times a day, 7 days a week, is what's taxing. It will be awesome to have only ourselves to look after.

Miah and I are both looking forward to some time for just us, to look over our relationship and where it's going and try to make some sense of whether or not a future together is doable. It would be awesome if our time away could help us do that as I sure have experienced ALOT of confusion, doubt, and heartache over the last year and a half. But I've also experienced ALOT of growth, and love, and I feel that, because of having Miah in my life, I've resolved some pretty serious inner dilemnas.

Also, since the grocery store where Miah was a manager just closed (and he's consequently unemployed as a result) the timing of this trip couldn't be more perfect. When we get back, hopefully Miah will have a better idea of what he wants to pursue employment-wise as well, should we decide that we wish to continue our relationship.

And after that, I'm going to be turning 46. 'nuff said.

I am currently: looking forward
Listening to: my grandmother stirring around


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Moving on to a new phase
09/03/2008 03:26 p.m.

My triplets are seniors this year! This is the last year I will be a mother of school-aged children. I know the triplets feel the magic of it, the opportunities to be young people that will forever be gone after graduation. I'm so glad they are excited, and each of them plans to take advantage of experiencing the last little bit of this leg of their journey into adulthood. Steven is deeply involved in the activities he enjoys - music, choir, thespians, his friends. And even Amanda, who's had such a difficult time adjusting to life with me, says this year feels different in such a good way. She's taking guitar and art, and feeling more comfortable in her environment this year. What a relief, for both of us! Jennell is finishing school and her childhood at her dad's, and as long as she's happy and comfortable, I'm happy too!

I thought it would age me more. I thought I would dread it. Maybe that's coming. But at the moment, I feel an excitement of my own as well as what I feel with the kids. A phase of my own long journey, that of caretaking, which I've actually been doing quite heavily since I was about 7 years old, is coming to a close. I feel it in my bones and it brings with it a feeling of anticipation for the next part of my journey that I can't seem to shake off so I can settle down and finish this.

Ahhh, but I must digress. They've all made it, each of them progressing to graduation and finding their way afterward. I know I don't deserve to take alot of credit for the success, but I am proud that we've all survived the last 25 years so well, and that for all the traumas and difficulties, the outcomes seem to be actually quite positive for everyone. I mean, there were times when I wondered if we would survive the years emotionally. Their dad divorcing me was soooooo painful and difficult for them (and me), and then the ensuing relationships that their dad and I, each, entered into....quite the lives of chaos and uncertainty, at times, that both their dad and I heaped onto their little lives.

Well, the summer went by so fast - I know the school year will fly by as well. I intend to enjoy each moment, relish it, cherish it...and then assess where I'm needed at the end of the year. I don't know what to expect, if Meme will still be alive and needing my care, if either of the last of my babies will be ready to head out into the world.

BUT, if I find myself free to move about the globe.....OH MAAAAANN!!!!!!!


I am currently Excited
I am listening to traffic

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