The Gang's All Here!
04/08/2009 03:05 p.m.

So, Jessica is here, Carla is here, Kate is here...my mother is coming for her birthday.

Can I just say? Yikes. "Death to the Nice Girl" must factor in here somewhere. Yet, I am the matriarch of my family these days (beating out the other would-be candidates of my mother and both of my aunts and even my grandmother on account of her feebleness)so I feel the responsibility of that. It will be a dance of balance, I'm sure of it!

Meme fell yesterday. It's the first time she's fallen since she broke her pelvic bone over two years ago. She didn't break any bones this time (thank goodness!!!), but she cracked her head on her dresser and has a skin scrap there and a lump. She refused to go to the ER, so we just had to watch her. I asked her, "What day is it?" and she held up her "let me think for a minute" finger and then said, "Tuesday!" Correct! And then I asked her, "And who's the President?" and she replied, "Of what?" LOL!! Then she answered correct for that, too. She wasn't any sleepier than usual, and she was alert and not dizzy anymore by suppertime. WHEW!!! But I missed my class, and esta no bueno.

I am currently: getting my head homework ready
Listening to: the dogs wrestle



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Death to the Nice Girl!
04/06/2009 03:56 p.m.

Our little dream group met last night. We have a new mantra to remind us that we do NOT have to be putridly nice to get by in life. Niceness is fine when it is authentic and it serves our needs as well as helping another person. But niceness for the sake of image, or for the sake of simply accommodating another instead of rocking the boat is not helpful at all. DEATH TO THE NICE GIRL!!!!

I am currently: Feeling empowered
Listening to: Niceness die a slow death

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My sister is here from Kansas
04/04/2009 06:13 p.m.

Life certainly is busy all of a sudden! I picked up my sister from the airport yesterday, and we've been having a blast. She's still in bed, crazy girl!!! She has been having a tough time, and is finally, really sleeping for the first time in weeks! She's been asleep for nearly 12 hours, which is a switch from at home, where she's only been able to sleep in little fits of 2-3 hours at a time. Not that her home life is the problem...her husband is AWESOME. But I'm glad she's resting!

It seems like this term is going to be full of LOTS of homework!! I mean, the first week of the term, and already I'm slammed and doing HOURS of it! And no poetry class to have to write for, so I'm wondering how much inspiration I'll be able to find for poetry in here.

I'm taking Intro to Accounting (LOTS of homework in there!!!), Philosophy of Religion (seems like LOTS of homework in there, too), an online writing course (Writing 122) and an online 10-key class. It's funny - I LOVE crunching numbers in accounting, but I also love philosophy! I would LOVE to turn my love of philosophy into a career path, but I'm not sure if there is really a choice there that would suffice.

I'm still really missing Miah, but I find that, lately, if I see him, I just end up crying, so it's best if I don't see him. I really don't understand why he didn't move back to California. All his friends are there. Better jobs are there. Life in the sun is there!!!! At the same time, I miss him so much that I end up wanting to see him. The last time he came by to pick up his mail, he seemed to want to hang around, but I told him it would be better if he didn't. So he didn't. *sigh*

Three Valentine's ago, just before Jeremiah came, there was a man I'd been speaking to for well over a year - Paul. In February of 2007, just before Jeremiah came here from California, I got two Valentine cards - one from Jeremiah and one from Paul. The weird thing was....Paul and I ended up buying each other EXACTLY the same card, AND we'd both spent hours trying to find exactly the right one. But, Paul was encouraging me to explore things with Miah, because, he said, if I didn't, I would always wonder "what if." Of course, I ended up exploring things with Miah.

"What if" with Miah didn't turn out so successfully, though, and now Paul and I are talking over the phone again. He is a very wonderful man, very kind, sweet, responsible, and handsome, too! We have all this history of having wanted to meet and such, but I don't want to do anything hasty. And even though Paul expresses enthusiasm about meeting, he has his own issues with fear, too. And I know I'm still healing from things with Miah. So, I'm taking things very slowly and may even consider discontinuing phone conversations with Paul until I feel I've sorted things out and I'm really available.

So, yes, life is busy but wonderful. I hope I don't stop writing altogether!

I am currently: doing laundry
Listening to: homework calling, calling




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Doph!!! It was April Fool's Day!!!
04/02/2009 03:38 p.m.


Geeeeeeze. Of course it was.

I am currently: feeling just a little idiotic
Listening to: Laughter in the ethos!

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Coffee in Portland with an old friend
04/02/2009 09:56 a.m.

Wow. I just have to say. Wow.

Why is it that a guy who is unavailable would love my hair, tell me I'm beautiful, tell me that he doesn't think I'm fat btw, be attracted to me so intensely.....life is just too weird these days!

Of course, since he's unavailable and my having any expectations was out the question, it must give a person a certain freedom with those kinds of proclamations.

It's a good thing it wasn't a more tempting situation, because, ohhhhhh man, I was sorely tempted. *sigh*

I am currently: getting ready to go to bed
Listening to: my sleepy eyes tell me it's time




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Invisible Destiny
03/31/2009 02:30 a.m.
The months and months
Of proclamations;
Soothing winds of whispers
Dripping with devotion
The final relief of forever
In your embrace.

These are the relentless apparitions
Dancing in the shadows of my days,
Visiting my dreams in the night,
Taunting accusations of my foolish
Belief that we would be.

How can this reality be truth?
It is irreconcilable
With those years spent
Speaking a different language.

I feel transposed,
Out of sync,
Drifting on those sweet winds
Of yesterday’s joy
Wondering about my journey’s
Final destination.

All the while,
Aware of this undeniable progression
Toward a new, invisible destiny.



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I don't know
03/30/2009 07:21 p.m.

This seems to be my mantra of late. I just don't know - where I'm headed, what I'm going to be doing in the coming months, who will be in my life.

And today, I am just "being" with not knowing. It's a very, very strange and foreign concept to me, to not have a plan, to not "see" myself and what I'll be doing in the near future, to not be able to picture what the summer looks like, or the months and years beyond.

A very interesting sensation. I'm not afraid. Just curious.

What will tomorrow bring?

I am currently: curious
Listening to: the void of tomorrows

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To the beach, and Beth's and back again...
03/28/2009 09:43 p.m.

Wow. What an awesome time Kate and I had at the beach. The weather was rainy, but beautiful. We chilled, and shopped, and had a blast together! We had nice long talks. We crocheted. We tripped. It was too short, but then again, just the right amount of time.

On Wednesday, I dropped Kate back off in Astoria with my son, Joe. Then I drive down to Corvallis to hang out with Beth. First, we met a group of women who've been meeting for about 11 years to discuss dreams and such. WONDERFUL group of women. Then we drove on to Beth's house in Eugene, where I had a peaceful and inspiring visit.

Too much reminded me of Miah, so I ended up trying to chill on the things that would remind me more of our time together.

But I'm good today. :-)

I am currently: rested
Listening to: the dogs

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Oh, but I digress
03/22/2009 05:08 a.m.

Look, you can see right in.
Guts and glory,
Frickin bleeding heart
Spilling life’s blood onto dirt.

I thought I was tougher.

I thought you might...never mind.

I thought you meant what you said
When you said it.

I thought our mountains were pebbles.

I thought forever meant forever.

I was wrong.

Again.

I am currently: crying for nothing
Listening to: my lame ass tears fall


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2012 - what do YOU think?
03/21/2009 08:58 p.m.

This paradigm will not remain.
There is a shift,
And it will slide new truths into place -
A time of great forging of hopes
And dreams.

It will be up to us to postulate those dreams
It will be up to us to allow
The new alignments to function.

“Hopi Predict a 25yr period of purification followed by End of Fourth World and beginning of the Fifth.
Mayans Call it the end days or the end of time as we know it.
Maoris Say that as the veils dissolve there will be a merging of the physical & spiritual worlds.
Zulu Believe that the whole world will be turned upside down.
Hindus Kali Yuga (end time of man). The Coming of Kalki & critical mass of Enlightened Ones.
Incas Call it the Age of Meeting Ourselves Again.
Aztec Call this the Time of the Sixth Sun. A time of transformation. Creation of new race.
Dogon Say that the spaceship of the visitors, the Nommo, will return in the form of a blue star
Pueblo Acknowledge it'll be the emergence into the Fifth World
Cherokee Their ancient calendar ends exactly at 2012 as does the Mayan calendar.
Tibetan Kalachakra teachings are prophesies left by Buddha predicting Coming of the Golden Age.
Egypt According to the Great Pyramid (stone calendar), present time cycle ends in year 2012 AD”

These are the prophesies.

“If you knew that 2012 was going to be
The end of time as we know it,
Would you do something different?”
And why aren’t we doing it now?

There is a shift approaching
My own heart has been telling me
My whole life,
As, perhaps, has yours.

We must listen.

http://www.timeofthesixthsun.com/


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