plain and simple.
12/28/2003 04:45 a.m.
it's plain and simple
like the way i'm stranded
in a place that's not as far as i could be
but far enough

*

i don't love you in a will-you-take-me-out-for-dinner way,
the way i love you is more than all of that.
it's more like love in a will-you-take-me-home-with-you sort of way
it's an i-want-to-hold-you-until-your-bones-break kinda love,
i-could-take-your-arm-and-show-you-the-world love,
i-want-to-be-your's-forever-and-never-see-another-male love,
i-want-to-marry-you-and-carry-your-children love,
let's-buy-a-house-with-a-white-picket-fence love.

and the way i love you is in an i'll-take-off-all-your-clothes-and-touch-you-everywhere way,
it's an i'll-make-you-more-man-than-you'd-ever-wished-to-be love,
your-mouth-could-be-my-tongue's-home love,
my-heartbeat-sounds-like-your-name love,
i-could-tattoo-your-name-on-my-face love.

it's the kind of love that is priceless
and immortal
it's the kind of love i feel for you
I am currently Blue
I am listening to silence

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dreamer, dreamer.
12/21/2003 11:00 p.m.
you have this habit of
visiting me in my sleep, and
it leaves me lonely
in the morning

i've had dreams that our lips
met
and dreams that we've
held hands
infact, i've had dreams about
all things impossible
for us
I am currently Disillusioned
I am listening to silence

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an encyclopedia of times rejected.
12/20/2003 12:02 a.m.
if i took all the words i've wrote about you
i could fill a dictionary
and i would call my masterpiece
"a thousand different ways to say 'rejected'"

i ask you if you'd like another round
but you tell me you refuse to drive in circles.
you tell me you're tired
(but what you mean is i'm tiring you)

i try to play our conversations like card games
i try to deal you a new hand every time
(one of these days our hands will match,
one of these days i'm gonna win)
I am currently Blue
I am listening to silence

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down the middle.
12/18/2003 10:44 p.m.
it tears me down the middle
when there's too much
awkward silence
and
too much
awkward laughter

i'll tap my fingers against the window
while your blinker signals a left turn;
and the tick.tick.tick.ticking
is like a countdown
until our time is over

i've trained myself to keep quiet
(just the way you like it)
because it tears me down the middle
when i talk too much
I am currently Insecure
I am listening to ani difranco

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rainshower boy. (flip and twist.)
12/17/2003 12:26 a.m.
he's got a name that sounds like rain
and i don't know much about him
but i know that he loves to make music
and i know that his music can make my stomach muscles
flip and twist

he's making use of his hands;
i know that they can make my notes higher
or lower
or vibrate
or bend

i can admire him with distance
but when i move too close
i can smell the alcohol of
nights passed and nights to come

i haven't heard the best things about this
boy with the shower storm name
but i will listen to his hands make music
to my every thought
and i will listen to the rain
that sounds like his name
I am currently Unsure
I am listening to bach cello suites .. yo-yo ma

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the most beautiful music.
12/15/2003 03:49 a.m.
i want to promise you
that if you hold me
for a minute
or two
you would not
regret it

i want to promise you
that together
you and i
could make
the most beautiful
music
I am currently Detached
I am listening to silence

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the gears are working against me.
12/14/2003 04:51 a.m.
fate times out everything perfectly
so that when i enter a room
you are simultaneously exiting
and when i'm saying things to you
you are simutaneously thinking of better things

i can feel your abscence;
like a fingernail cut too short,
or an itch impossible to reach,
or an uncurable headache that
will ring for eternity until i
smell your scent.

i remember when you'd
smile like you meant it...
do you?
I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to bach cello suites .. yo-yo ma

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a boy like a doll.
12/13/2003 06:46 a.m.
let me explore all your textures
and the way your threads are sewn up
to make shapes and pictures, invisible to the eye
and endless to imagination.
i could untangle and unweave you;
i could break your stitching and pry out your
cotton interior.

--

i can see myself in the passenger seat
with you to my left,
the window, open a crack, to my right,
and the air, dense with stifled "i love you on winter afternoons like this,"
surrounding us and our shifting bodies which
can never seem to get comfortable in your car.
the air seems to leap from outside to inside,
wisping through and cleansing me
of all that could make this car ride go by too fast to remember all the important details.
remember:
we're here to make memories.
everything is definate...
driving down this road,
there are no maybe's.
I am currently Thoughtfull
I am listening to bach cello suites .. yo-yo ma

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sing you lullabies.
12/12/2003 02:24 a.m.
i'll watch you under the
pink fluorescent
glowing;
as i am nothing but a breathing body
with a heart holding a vacancy sign.

i'll watch the way you
prop up your feet and
point your face upward,
and sigh and say how
sleepy you are.
i'll wish to myself that i could sing you lullabies
and tuck you in at night
and smell your sheets.

i can feel it all around me...
tonight will be a lonely one.
I am currently Gloomy
I am listening to silence

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three bodies of thought.
12/11/2003 03:06 a.m.
i said it in an exhale
and it was under my breath
but i said it;
i said
"oh god,
i love him."
and i don't think my brain, my heart
or any of my other important organs
know what they're talking about
but the words came out just the same.

--

there's something that happens
when my eyes are watching your fingers
and your fingers are swaying
and my eyes are swaying, too
and for that one little moment
it's like we're swaying together.

--

watch me, boy
watch me pour my heart into a drinking glass
and i'll watch you, boy
watch you decide whether to have a sip
or pour it down the drain.
I am currently Needy
I am listening to roll the tape .. soulive

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