let things be [fixed].
02/07/2004 11:08 p.m.
fixed . fixed . fixed . fixed
please let things be
fixed . fixed . fixed . fixed

i think we've finally
fixed
things
for now
I am currently Safe

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we all make mistakes.
02/07/2004 06:43 a.m.
the sky and i
had something in common tonight
[we were both crying]

every friend has a time where
they leave a friend for a lover
and every vacated friend has a time to
cry with a rainy night

tonight the rain sang through window panes
from where we were
and there were fingers tracing
spines and
thoughts of lips on faces and
discomfort and
awkward shifting and the
tension
building, but blending
i swear i could hear your thoughts through your fingertips, but
let's remember that some touches
aren't allowed

*

i think my limbs might cave in
sometime soon
because if i live another day
possessing thoughts i've trained myself
to never accept
i just might fall asleep
and never wake up

*

i can put on my
hello-i'm-a-nice-girl smile and
feign friendly conversation for the sake of
avoiding evil stares
but what it all comes down to is:
i'm the bitch who causes all the trouble
and you're the bitch who spreads the word

*

sometimes i'm ignored
and sometimes i'm unwanted
but i know for a fact
that those are my only two options

*

i could write all day about how fucking sad i am
and maybe i will. because honestly, no one
is stopping me and no one cares, anyway.

*

i could read you poems all day
and you could tell me they sound
so beautiful
and i'll say, "oh really?
that one's about when you
made me want to cut myself into
little pieces
of flesh and blood"

*

every day i'm a little
uglier
and every day i learn to
love it a little more
just because
hating myself
gets old

I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to silence

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thoughts don't get more scattered than this.
02/02/2004 08:36 p.m.
i don't write poems anymore 'cause i've got
nothing to say.
i guess being alone is pretty uninspiring.
but i can still write plain sentences
with interesting line
breaks
and pretend like they're poems.
that's all i ever do,
anyway.

*

i hope you hold her tight and i hope you
love her for all she is and
hate me for all i'm not
because i find myself as
less
and
less
each time my mirror says good morning.

*

my body
thick around the edges and
warm in the center
longs for a body
like your's
stiff and sexy
to share heat with.

*

often times i wish i spoke a language
more beautiful than this one.
I am currently Scattered
I am listening to ani difranco

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opportunities for all!
01/24/2004 06:35 a.m.
don't worry, baby, you'll always be my best friend
until, you know,
i find someone hotter or someone who
tells me what i want to hear.

--

sometimes a smile can
knock me off my feet
and i swear i won't be able to
get up until i
see you again.
I am currently Shy

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snow, cello, kiss.
01/21/2004 03:12 a.m.
there are children playing in
two-day-old snow
and they don't care if it's dirty or if it'll
ruin their clothes

--

when i was eight years old i learned how to
hold the cello
i learned how to let it sit against my chest
and between my knees
and how to feel the massive wooden frame
vibrate near my ribs and how to
listen to it hum.

--

a casual comes after
a first kiss;
casual kissing is for lovers who know
not for playmates who don't.
so please take your lips off my neck
and remember that
a casual kiss comes after
a first kiss.
I am currently Bored

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cry baby.
01/13/2004 02:44 a.m.
tears form under eyelids
because you can't cry until your eyes are
open.
crying is for the weak, and tonight
i'm as weak as they come.

I am currently Melancholy

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read me.
01/11/2004 07:02 a.m.
you say
you're the most beautiful girl i've ever met
and i say
you're the best liar i'll ever know

--

like a bedtime storyline
our relationship boring to talk about
and worse to experience.
we've got nothing to say to each other
and even the looks we exchange
aren't worth a second glance.

--

read me like a book
then tear out all the pages.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to bach cello suites

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roadkill.
01/08/2004 01:21 a.m.
be my dirty tires
and i'll be your roadkill.
together we'll create
a massacre.
i'll be the one left
on the double yellow line
while i am stared at in disgust,
like the ridiculous burden
that i am.

*

our conversations are bland as
dishwater coffee.

*

... because no one will hold my hand, and i don't want anyone to, anyway.
I am currently Bleh
I am listening to silence

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nothing, mirror, secret.
01/04/2004 04:36 a.m.
i don't have much to say about anything,
but i'd rather say something about nothing
than all those who say nothing about something.

*

sometimes i'll doll myself up
and talk to my mirror;
and she, my reflection,
always says the same things:
"you're a tough girl, babe,
and that's what scares him away."
and i tell her,
"it's not beauty he wants,
it's normality. and to me
that's as ugly as it comes."
and she nods.

*

there's no more secrets
not to tell,
and everyone knows
that things are better when someone doesn't know them.
I am currently Bored
I am listening to silence

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(to be continued at a later date.)
12/29/2003 05:30 a.m.
i'm not lonely, i swear. i'm just alone. there's a difference.

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