i should've seen it coming, right?
03/05/2004 03:55 a.m.
are you kidding?
oh, honey, you must be.
let you touch me with those hands?
when i know all the filthy places they've been?
when i know the cheeks they've held in place during a kiss?
when i know all the nipples they've twisted?
are you kidding?
oh, honey, you must be.

*

j'ai aimé que vous étiez sale.
maintenant... je veux être propre.

*

i know you love that you can
capture two hearts
and four lips
at once
but i am here for the game of subtraction
and i am here to take myself off of your list
I am currently Disillusioned
I am listening to silence

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girl next door.
03/03/2004 03:12 a.m.
i am no girl-next-door
i am no blonde-and-beautiful

...

i will never be a girl-next-door
there will always be too many houses
between us
I am currently Calm
I am listening to beethoven

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apologies and goodnights.
02/27/2004 04:14 a.m.
every time we come
so.close
we end up
so____far
because of things i do
or things i don't
and i am always left
naked and cold and
holding myself.

*

i get myself into the worst places, sometimes.
i have this problem forgetting
that i am better off
completely
alone.

*

one touch is too many.

*

stupidstupidstupid
sometimes i am so fucking
stupid!
I am currently Embarrassed
I am listening to beethoven

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old love poems that tell the future.
02/24/2004 03:36 a.m.
i would stare into space
just because i'd run out of things to
focus my eyes on.
you always convinced yourself that i was
thinking of something
greater
than this.

but honestly,
what could be greater than this bond,
this friendship,
this vaguely concealed
romance that we share?
i kiss the back of my hand
and imagine your voice in my ear.
this is what friends
(like us)
like to do.

we are all children.
we are all running out of time to play.

*

our current love ratio
is a thousand to three,
i've hugged you more times than you have
even looked at me.
but i don't mind because i know that
being held by you means more
when it happens less

[oh, honey, remember that?
i don't need to ask...
i know you do.
some stains don't dissapear
no matter how hard you try to bleach them.
some things only get bigger
when they're ignored.]

*

every day i hope a little more
that you won't hate me tomorrow
or give me one of those
"i'm-smiling-because-i-have-to" smiles

[funny how the worst thing you can predict
is exactly what happens.]

*

... " i know i'm staring into space
and i really think they believe
i'm not thinking about anything " ...


I am currently Nostalgic
I am listening to beethoven

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notice:
02/24/2004 01:04 a.m.
i'm really not as sad or as hurt as my poems say.
i don't really hate you, or anyone, that much.
let words be words and poetry be poetry.
nothing is wrong...
this is life.
right?
I am currently Content
I am listening to gregory and the hawk

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haikus and other.
02/22/2004 03:58 a.m.
i remember
touching my hand to your
stomach and saying
"oh, i'm so sorry
for all those times that i
hurt you"
and i remember
that i was wishing
that i could kiss your
stomach
and i could
take back everything
i had done to you
and to us

*

i need you to
come back to earth;
i can't sleep at night
when i don't know where your hands are
or what they're touching.
i need you to
come back to earth;
i don't want your fantasy to run out
and have to catch you when you
come
falling
down.
i need you to
come back to earth;
i'm getting so sick
and i'm getting so sad
without you.

*

[haikus]

you're the one who i
will regret not having
when i had the chance
-
i saw a woman
and she looked so beautiful
and she looked so sad
-
i am now a mess
underneath my polished skin
but no one can see
-
is this how we were
supposed to end? i think we
should reconsider.

*

you have made me into everything
i had promised myself i would
never be.
now get over yourself
and your lollipop lies.

*

the only way for me to survive is to
take a few deep breaths
and remember that you are living in your own
bullshit.
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to silence

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magnetism: it doesn't end.
02/19/2004 06:49 a.m.
sometimes, ani difranco says it best:
"she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it,
but you're perfect together.
so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place.
and who am i
that i should be vying through your touch?
say, who am i?
i bet you can't even tell me that much."
- untouchable face, ani difranco

*

i wish i could undo
all the beautiy instilled in you
so that you would not appeal to so many
and i would not be left so ugly.

I am currently Tired
I am listening to ani difranco

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insanity can be silent.
02/17/2004 05:40 a.m.
i want to sleep somewhere new
this bedroom has too many
dreams about loving
the person that you were

*

i wonder why there isn't much
to say about you - although you
provoke so much in me -
but i suppose that's because
it is a love brought about from
regret

*

violence is passion
and baby,
i could kill you.

*

"you know that when i hate you,
it is because i love you
to a point of passion that unhinges my soul."
julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespiannse (1732-1776)
letter; 1774

*

i am
so angry with you
so ready to light your fuse and watch you
explode
so eager to hear you
scream down my throat
so happy that you are
finally getting all that you
deserve,
and i am
in love with you
so much that it's
unquestionable
that it makes me unable to
"live and let live"
smiling when i think of all that you've earned
and smiling to know that it's all just
perfect
for you
and i am
hoping your next sleep
will last forever
or if not that,
you will decide that it is me
that you think of while you dream
and that it is me
that you have always wanted to
wake up to
wishing you the best with all that is new
(and all that is not me)

*

my lips are dry now that they are
alone, although i suppose they have not
graced your's in anywhere besides the
nature of my
electric thoughts; and it is
those thoughts that
ignite all that is
crazy in me

*

i only write poems to avoid
telling anyone how i
really feel.
I am currently Detached
I am listening to silence

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cupid and all of his effects.
02/11/2004 03:21 a.m.
this it not a poem, it is just a statement:
if you truly care about someone,
that care stays with you
through fights, and through everything else.

*

my wrists just want to say thank you;
because of you
they're never dry.

*

every day i am thankful for the
people in my life
who don't need a hard-on
to love me.

*

when i'm mad
i imagine a gun to your head
and when i'm loving you
i imagine a gun to mine

*

oh god,
i need something new.
please.
get all these old shapes and faces
of boys with boners and nothing to say
outoutout
of my mind.

*

cupid doesn't work for romance, honey.
he works for pain.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to silence

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cracking around the edges but sturdy in the center.
02/08/2004 12:37 a.m.
we'll be cheek to cheek
and eye to eye;
a beautiful composition
silenced
for a greater good

*

it can be our inhales or exhales
that say what is
off-limits
and maybe well just have to
hold our breath
from now on

I am currently Better
I am listening to bach cello suites

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