that feeling in my chest
08/20/2004 02:14 a.m.
our last day
tomorrow
twenty four
hours from
now
we'll smile, or,
somethingofthatsort
maybe we'll wave
if i'm lucky
and it'll be goodbye
just like that

and then i will spend night after night in bed
missing you
wishing for you
to say thanks for all the smiles
I am listening to stravinsky

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finally?
08/18/2004 02:32 a.m.
i met an amazing boy and i can't get over it!
... now i just need to get to know him.

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a day of remembering you
08/13/2004 05:46 a.m.
i thought of you last night
while in bed:
thought of how you used to lick your lips
before you'd kiss me goodnight

i thought of you this morning
while pouring coffee into my glass:
remembering how you'd watch me over your coffee cup
and tell me i looked beautiful today
and every day

i thought of you while jogging
in the sun:
sweat down my chest
between my breasts;
i remembered how you'd hold me close
(sweat and all)
loving me for all i was
[running there,
i missed your touch]

i thought of you while picking weeds
from the flowerbed:
how i used to manipulate
and destroy all your little oddities
and make you perfect
[standing in the flowers,
i felt sorry]

i thought of you while making my bed
and pulling back the sheets:
climbing in by myself
i thought of all you'd done for me
[in that bed,
i missed you]

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always stuck
08/08/2004 05:09 a.m.
i hate that no matter what happens
i'm always stuck
missing/remembering/crying over
you

*

there are some nights
where i want nothing more but to be drunk and
in your arms
happy, lovesick
and plenty of other emotions that you could never truly
make me feel

*

i can't write tonight.
i'm lonely/alone.
blah.


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she squints, she smiles.
07/29/2004 03:01 a.m.
"you smell like you used to,"
she'll say and breathe me in
remembering how she used to live in that smell
wet thighs and all
gasping for breath

her hips swing and she looks at me
she squints
she smiles
and somewhere, somehow i feel some kind of complete

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thanks for...
07/26/2004 10:04 p.m.
today i make my best effort
to forget you
today i learn
that you never deserved the satisfaction
of my misery

and as much as i hate to be happy
and deprive you from what you thrive on
i'm happy to say
thanks
for the good times, and
fuck you
for everything else
I am currently Better
I am listening to st. paul's suite

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six months.
07/17/2004 04:26 a.m.
it's been

six months
since you've told me that i was
your own little piece of heaven

twenty-eight weeks
since i've dialed your phone number
to tell you i love you
just because

182 days
since you've touched my shoulder and
told me i was beautiful
or atleast
beautiful to you

4,368 hours
since you've held me close with your
hands tracing my spine like
reading a novel in braille

262,080 minutes
since i've heard you say my name
like it was the most delicate and angelic word
your tongue has ever had the honor to speak

15,724,800 seconds
since i've truly felt
happy

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nightmare
07/11/2004 04:52 a.m.
kiss me and tell me
that all this time without you
was a terrible nightmare
and now i'm finally awake

*

last night there was an
interesting green bug
on the wall
and so i watched it
to keep from thinking of you

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remember november.
07/10/2004 03:12 a.m.
i remember autumn
like it was closer than three seasons ago
you touching me gently and removing my scarf
and putting it on you
(it looked better on you, anyway)
and i was smiling
i was thinking about how i loved you
and you were thinking the same about me
some things are perfect
i want november back

[i'm not feeling poetic.
just a little lonely.]
I am currently Bleh

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empty spots
07/06/2004 12:48 p.m.
you told me you don't need me in your life
you ran out of empty spots

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