aklsdjfklsdjflsd
10/26/2004 12:20 a.m.
i'm walking and all i can see is
three feet in front of me
the rest is all darkness
that looks like you

the radio plays a blues song
and i hate the way i think of you

I CAN'T WRITE POETRY BECAUSE I WANT TO KILL HIM.


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ishouldveneverbelievedyou
10/21/2004 04:29 a.m.
i'm tired of this:
listen, let me tell you
i know you're confused
(more so than i am)
and you are a coward;
i want to hang myself
from a telephone wire outside your house
so you'll be forced to look at me
the way you don't have the bravery
to do now

*

everything you are digusts me
and what digusts me the most is how sickly
i am in love with you

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harshly imperfect
10/20/2004 02:25 a.m.
i'm harshly imperfect
and i'm aware, but still,
i'd like to warn you:
i don't look pretty when i wake up,
i don't listen carefully enough,
my lips are usually chapped,
i can think too highly of myself,
my hip bones stick out when you lay me down,
and i am not the girl of your dreams.
but i love you, boy,
isn't that enough?

i treated you terribly
but i'm sorry, boy,
isn't that enough?

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waxed&waned
10/18/2004 11:55 p.m.
my love for you has waxed and waned
but it has never dissapeared
trust me,
it will never dissapear

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two voices/ideas
10/15/2004 01:26 a.m.
i'm over
i'm in love
you now,
with you still
and it feels
and it hurts
like heaven
worse than ever
to have moved on
and i don't think
i'm sorry for the angry phone calls
i can live like this
but now i finally think i will
i don't think i can
survive

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change your mind
10/14/2004 09:46 p.m.
your room
the papers
piled high
on the
desk where
i lean
my elbow
and smile
at you
and you
lean over
to kiss
me but
then change
your mind

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my hands beg me
10/13/2004 11:51 p.m.
my hands beg me to stop
and my body cries for a bed

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sitting
10/13/2004 08:47 p.m.
sitting, my legs either propped up or
folded inward so my lips
touch my knees,
we'll talk
c a s u a l l y,
g e n t l y
about our days, or,
our weekends, or,
something simpleandshortandsweet

but i'd be lying if i didn't say
that i'd kill to know your secrets;
i'd be lying if i didn't say
there's so much more of you i want;
i'd be lying if i didn't say
that i plan to make myself special to you

and i am no liar, so
know that i am patiently plotting a way for us
to truly know each other

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i might hurt someone
10/06/2004 03:07 a.m.
i had this brilliant idea to
write you a letter
describing vividly how much i hate
who you've become
and seal it tightly with a
smack in the face and
a "fuck you" for making everything
harder than it had to be

*

if i could get my hands on you
i would not
kiss those lips i've dreamt of—
i would chap them with the wind of my words;
i would tear them with my teeth

if i could touch you
i would not
hold you in a sweet embrace—
i would shake and spin you dizzy and
break your balance

if i could be with you
i would not
tell you of how i cried your name—
i would scream it between punches and kicks;
i would say it to hide the tears behind the screaming

i have wasted months loving you
in a way you never deserved
and i refuse to waste another minute
on the selfish, arrogant creature you have become

*

[ not even a poem anymore. just ranting. ]

if you didn't love me you wouldn't have to waste so much time trying to prove it.

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5pm
10/01/2004 09:55 p.m.
i'm the bitter taste on your tongue
with 5pm blues and the need to go home;
when you're driving, know that i'm in everything
from the click of the seatbelt to the
bumps in the road

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