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The Journal of Emily Davidson i cannot
11/29/2004 04:22 a.m.
i'm sorry for all the things
i cannot give you
i'm sorry that i cannot make you
as happy as i should
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nothing to say
11/29/2004 02:15 a.m.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i'm involved with someone who doesn't inspire me
i'm heartbroken over someone i've already wrote about thousands of times
so this leaves me with pretty much
nothing
to say
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not poetry.
11/27/2004 12:33 a.m.
i kiss one boy and think of another.
love is scary like that.
i can't escape the relationship i had with him. it's like it sits inside of me and holds me down and leaks into every part of my life.
i want to move on.
i think.
["it'd be better to forget you. but i don't really want to."]
this is sickening.
fix me.
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distraction
11/24/2004 02:30 a.m.
they call him a distraction
and they say they're happy for me
because now i can forget
about the boy who broke my heart
(the boy i really love)
and i feel bad that this other boy
is classified as
not love, not special;
just a distraction
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don't expect me
11/17/2004 04:52 a.m.
let's put our lips
against each others, but
let's not
open our mouths
just yet
and don't expect me
to keep on kissing you
if i change my mind
and let's hold each other
with our arms around
each other's ribcages
but don't expect me
to stay all night
if i change my mind
and let's confess
how we feel to each other
and i'll say i really like you,
or something like that,
but don't expect me
to feel that way
when i change my mind
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i put off writing about him for a week.
11/11/2004 11:22 p.m.
i'm sitting on his carpet
breathing in the scent of his room;
the one i used to smell on his shirt
when he'd hold me close
and i am amazed at his ability to
look me in the eye and
say exactly what he feels
even though it tears me apart
so i lose my self-righteousness
and cry into my hands
confessing
that i was wrong, and
begging him
to forgive me
"i have no place for you," he says,
and how can i argue with that?
*
i walked with him
and the 3pm sun
through a path of yellow and red;
our feet shuffled and crunched
over the carpet of autumn
the trees caved in around us
and the branches were a stencil for the sun
slowly, he speaks to me
about the way things have changed
and i wish i could
close his lips and
hold his hips
and make the truth dissapear
because in this beautiful place
i want nothing more than to
make the two of us beautiful together
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advice/criticism please!
11/10/2004 01:58 a.m.
i'll drop a rose into
the casket of our love
and say a silent prayer
wishing the love we had
a safe trip to heaven
*
should i use "casket" or "coffin"?
should i say "the casket(coffin) of our love" or "our love's casket(coffin)"?
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...
11/04/2004 03:52 a.m.
i am in an unbearable amount of pain and i am too numb to write.
but when i get over it, i will have poems.
boy, will i have poems.
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very important message!
11/01/2004 09:58 p.m.
everyone, really!
let's laugh at emily for having feelings!
ha ha ha.
it's poetry, you idiots.
it's supposed to be dramatic.
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october
10/29/2004 02:50 a.m.
you say my name carefully,
gently,
as though not to break it with
your tongue and teeth,
as though it is fragile, and
unfixable when broken
but i assure you that
you could say it like a dirty word
and it would still sound delicate;
i mean to tell you that the way you feel
is seen through the transparency
of your words
*
october sits heavy on my lap,
the air icy and smooth to my lungs,
and through my veins
and october used to bring
the warmth of your breath
and the grace of your secrets
(the silence of your words)
but leaves are changing
with each morning,
turning beuatiful and then crumbling to
a powder like dust or dirt
and you see me with new eyes
this october
and everything you've said
has had its luster weathered down
a yellow leaf in a home of grass tells me
i should get used to what it feels like
to be alone, but—
sometimes when i wake up
and october says good morning
i think i will still have
your secrets to keep me warm
(promise by november
things will be different)
*
haha. this is what happens when i'm forced to write in english class. things get drawn out like crazy and worse and worse and worse...
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