sleepover
09/01/2006 03:45 a.m.
i slept in his bed
last night.

it was
meaningless.

our backs
to each other
not even
touching
not even
close

seperate blankets
seperate dreams
seperate hearts

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when i touch him
08/30/2006 06:26 a.m.
i hate that
he flinches
when i touch him
but then he smiles
so i don't know
which manuever
to interpret

i hate that
he'll ask me to
keep him company
and then ignore me
once i'm there

i hate that
he can't just
look at me
like he's
keeping something
from me
like if i were to find out
how he felt
it would be a
catastrophe

i hate that he's so
afraid of me

*

dark rainy night
a street lamp
a cigarette

he blows smoke
into the night
and looks at the ground

i inch towards him
smiling

i think he is beautiful
i think he is scared

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study him
07/25/2006 04:25 a.m.
he
amazes me
in the way that
i could study him
like a novel with
a thousand characters
developed deeply
and with plots that weave
around symbols and themes
that circle around and
bring me right to

his eyes that
fall on me gently
with such innocence
that i dare not corrupt

so i
just smile
drawing imaginary lines around
his wavy hair
and his divine profile
and think:
i must not be the seductive creature i wish to be.
i must leave him virtuous and pure.

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younger boy
07/23/2006 04:47 a.m.
i fall in lust
with a younger boy
so i regress
and i feel
young again;
nervous, inexperienced,
but mostly
obsessive
and i pull my hair
frustrated, thinking,
i need this boy!
i need him!

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his virginity back
07/22/2006 04:34 a.m.
he's the type of asshole
who'd
try to act like
he's never seen me
before
act like he
never loved me
well i've got news
for him
there's no
forgetting
what we had and there's no
getting his virginity back

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i drive fast
07/20/2006 03:09 a.m.
i drive fast
because i see your car
pull out of the parking lot
a minute before
i get to mine, so i
buckle my seat belt and
tear out of there,
with a fire in me

i drive fast
because i miss you
already and wish
you wanted
to touch
the way i do

i drive fast
because i want to
be near you
and push the hair
out of your face
smiling, thinking,
i've got you
right where i want you

i drive fast
because i hope to
catch you at a red light
and glance into the other lane
saying,
"oh hey, how funny to run into you here."

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in love with you
07/08/2006 05:00 a.m.
in love with you
i am
not,
happy with you
i am

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which would scare you more?
07/06/2006 02:08 a.m.
which would scare you more?
if you
always caught me
looking at you
with a smile
and if you
always noticed me
coming up to you
spitting witty comments
to make you laugh
(not knowing what i was
secretly hoping for)

or

if i looked you in the eye
and confessed
i love you.
and i know there's nothing i can do about it.

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it is necessary to keep quiet/truth&confession
06/29/2006 02:35 a.m.
i have never had to
hide
how i felt
about anything
before

but when you decide you're
sort of, kind of, just a little bit
in love
with a woman who you shouldn't be with
for more reasons than you can count on your
fingers and toes,
it is necessary to keep quiet

but she makes me
want to sing
and scream
and laugh
and cry

none of which are quiet actions

and so at night
when the world sleeps
i make all the noise i want
and keep quiet
in daylight

*

truth:
i feel very close to you. in a suitable, appropriate sort of way.
confession:
it's not enough.

truth:
i wait patiently and quietly until you glance at me. when you do, it is perfect.
confession:
but i need more.

truth:
in the morning i rise because i know i will see you.
confession:
often nights i stay up and i
think about you and wonder
if i make an appearance in the
night sky of your thoughts
like a crescent moon or
a pale planet
in a black blanket of clouds

truth:
we don't belong together. we could never work.
confession:
i would kill
to tell you how i felt
only because i believe
there is a pale planet's chance
in a midnight sky
that you will
understand

truth:
i know what i want from you is wrong.
confession:
that won't stop me.

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i wish you loved me
06/08/2006 12:25 a.m.
i wish you loved me
all the time
not just when
i'm doing you favors
or
making you look good

do you have any idea how that feels?

i love you
all the time
whether you're
smiling at me
secretly
or won't even
let your eyes meet mine

i love you
anyway.

i wish you loved me
all the time
and i hope you cry
when i leave.

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