show up
01/08/2007 07:50 a.m.
it should be snowing but the weather has been
defying all the regulations and so it is january
and i am surrounded by rain and puddles and
dark, dark night i am driving slowly with
the fuzz of the radio like a lullaby and i am
thinking of how much i'd like to drive the 125 miles
to your house, just me, the radio, and the downpours
to keep each other company as i think how nice it'll be
to arrive at your door, 4am, the sun considering dawn
in a few hours and you considering how much you have
missed me although it was not so apparent until i decided to show up

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little christmas eve miracle
12/25/2006 07:07 a.m.
you can spend your life
waiting
wishing
counting the days
savoring the moments
just hoping
just begging
that he'll come back

eventually you'll learn
that he won't

after saying too many things
after crying too many nights
after hearing him say
"get out of my life,
just get out"

you find someone new
you forget the old
all is bright

then it's christmas eve
and he comes to you saying,
"i am so sorry.
you meant the world to me."

(and then what do you do?)

*

and i thought i had the biggest asshole for an ex-boyfriend.

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home/bad habits
11/22/2006 04:48 a.m.
home;
the smell of my bedroom
familiar, comforting
but stirring
the past within me

the dried flowers on the
corner of the shelf collecting dust,
the left side of my bed
where he used to sleep,
the bathroom floor where he
sat and kissed every inch of me

i do not normally think of him
i do not normally miss him
but being home,
it is inevitable

*

he has me
drinking coffee
smoking cigarettes
polluting my body with
all sorts of bad habits

but the most toxic
of these addictions
is not the
caffeine or nicotine,
but the boy that
feeds them to me


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this just in:
11/15/2006 05:05 a.m.
intellect doesn't count for shit
if you're miserable.

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world of poems
11/14/2006 02:14 a.m.
the rain will not settle.

streetlights are bouncing off of the reflective pavement
righteous in its rich tar black
the wind, oppressive against
the glass of the window

tonight i think i'll
immerse myself in
a world of poems
and cups of tea
and solitude
and hopefully no
tears

he is not going to call
the rain wil continue to fall

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frost
10/27/2006 03:53 p.m.
the leaves haven't finished
falling, but
there is already frost
on the ground
the grass like ice
dormant, motionless,
frozen in place

he stayed long enough
to pollute my lungs
and leave the smell of smoke
in my hair
but not long enough
for the frost to melt

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basement
09/06/2006 03:48 a.m.
i look for you
in the basement

i walk through
damp hallways
with unusual equipment
covered in dust
and meaningless graffiti
like mona lisa on the wall

i walk
with only the sound
of my heels
against the concrete floor
and the sound
of my heart
pounding, yearning

i am unsure
if i should keep looking
for you

i know you're down here but
when i find you,
will it have been worth it?

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smoker
09/04/2006 07:14 a.m.
we are in
the warmth of his room
one of us against each wall

his eyes wander
conversation is bleak

and i wish and wish
and hope and hope
but it is pointless

he wants to go outside
and smoke in the cold
so i stand and i watch
as he inhales with such
hunger

i want to go inside but
i can't interrupt his
desire

he throws his finished cigarette
still lit
into the dirt
and takes out another

we're going to be here all night.

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waiting
09/04/2006 03:26 a.m.
at 11pm
i dial his number and
when he answers he says
he'll call me
later.

later,
whenever that
may be

and so now
i wait;
put on the stereo
or try to be
productive
just
don't look at the clock

and the minutes pass
slowly
as if they were dragging their feet
and the beat of my heart
is like
the ticking of a clock

i am waiting, waiting

the phone may not
ring tonight
and i may be
waiting forever

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we breathe
09/02/2006 05:42 p.m.
we breathe
and press our fingers
on each other's stomachs
as our feet
brush gently
against the sheets

as i kiss
his navel
he looks at me
and he is smiling

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