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The Journal of Emily Davidson nice people
04/16/2007 05:55 p.m.
i don't like "nice" people.
i don't like the way they're always
smiling, nodding their heads,
making all that
eye contact
i don't like the way they
ask how i am, or
ask how they can help,
in an effort to make me feel
significant
because what it comes down to is
they just want to be loved
by every soul they encounter
and the words and the comfort
are not genuine
i'd prefer an honest critic.
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with the memories
04/16/2007 03:41 a.m.
i'm gonna fall in love
with you
again
well,
not with you
but with the memories
because i know
everything's
spoiled now
but when i remember
that aloof way
you hooked me
and the way
you made me so
hard-shelled
(and then slept
with your head on my
shoulder)
i fall in love
with that rare sweetness,
that ironic benevolence,
that genuine kindness
that's gone now
i fall in love
with the memories
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triggered
04/10/2007 02:49 a.m.
i see him
with that same
slow-paced walk
that same
listless stare
as he is watching me
walk by
and i think:
i don't miss
the dissatisfaction
the look of disgust
that deliberate way he'd
pick me apart
his voice is sharp
as always
but his eyes are suggesting
that he misses my company
when he steps close,
i can smell
his dirty hair
and suddenly
[the memories are triggered]
i remember what it's like
to be in the passenger seat of his car,
the rain on the windsheild, the heat turned up,
saying nothing, understanding everything
i remember what it's like
to lay in his bed;
the december breeze sneaking through the window
as we're under the sheets
half asleep
i remember what it's like
when both of his hands are on my back
and he is looking at me
with eyes that say more than
his mouth ever could
and i am smelling
that dirty, dirty hair
he was never right for me
he was never perfect
but in spite of everything
i miss him
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blame it on brunch
04/09/2007 07:14 p.m.
it wasn't the sweet talk,
the flattery,
or the gentle pursuasion
that did it.
it wasn't the sex,
the warmth of our bodies,
or sleeping with your arm draped over me,
either.
i think it was
getting lazily out of bed around noon
and getting brunch;
squinting happily at each other
over our cups of coffee.
that's what did it.
yeah, let's blame it on brunch.
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wondering why
04/07/2007 01:52 a.m.
from far away
he comes to me
my eyes as gray and listless
as the sky
cigarette between his lips he
makes pathetic small talk
asking questions
he knows the answers to just so he can
be saying something
silently i am wondering why;
"i thought you despised my company,"
i say, quoting him directly.
"i do," he says with no hesitation.
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makes me blind
04/03/2007 02:41 a.m.
my eyes
noted for being
substantial and sincere
rarely fail me
as i can read street signs at night
or books in the dark
but there is this fog
called love
that sweeps in from time to time
and suddenly my lens can't focus
and i am blind
without a walking cane
my intuition
my insight
my clever, quick-thinking
all dissipates
love
makes me blind
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simply sex
04/02/2007 04:37 a.m.
there was no agreement
there was no contract
no place to put down your full name
and birthdate
no "sign right here
on the dotted line
next to the X"
it was simply sex.
"really good,
pretty meaningless,
no strings attached."
that's what he asked for.
that's what i delivered.
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emily, emily, emily
04/02/2007 04:27 a.m.
i think a man
can only say a woman's name
a certain amount of times
before he gets tired of it
and then addresses her with
babe or hun or
just a grunt
and he used to say my name
sincerely
letting it roll off his tongue
like a foreign language
but then
there was a night where we
made love
and he said it so many times
over and over
emily, emily, emily
until his heart stopped and now
he never speaks in that native tongue
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heavenly, virtuous, divine
04/02/2007 02:12 a.m.
graceful
at six foot six
with light eyes;
he smiles
and you can see the sun shine
through his pores
he is heavenly, virtuous, divine
i swear sometimes
when we lie in bed
and he puts his back to me,
i can see the wings
grow from his shoulderblades
but i am iniquitous and villainous,
my vindictive heart
like a mouse trap
i represent the shame, the scandal,
the devious seduction
and he shines light on me
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a poem about the smell
01/10/2007 07:28 a.m.
i made the risky decision to
let you in again
after all this time
you smiled sweetly.
you made me think it'd be alright.
i think this is a great idea:
we have both grown and we can
show each other what we have learned
(we are not 15 anymore)
but the night dragged on and my hands were tired
and i looked at you and i knew
you were somewhere else
i wanted to make everything okay but
it has been too long and now i cannot
sway your emotions left nor right
you leave uncomfortably
even though you had promised to stay
and i am alone
my hands smell like you and i feel
15 again
*
hardly a poem. mostly a rant.
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