needed, wanted
08/29/2007 12:37 p.m.
sometimes
i became so passive i just
let myself be eaten up
by whoever wants a taste
just to feel
a little bit like
i'm needed, or
i'm wanted, or
i can make someone happy
(even if not myself)

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begun; sleepy
08/29/2007 12:34 p.m.
going to bed
after daylight
reminds me of how
you'd keep me up
until the sun rose
and then you'd say
let's not bother
to sleep
let's get some coffee
and the paper
because it's already
the morning and
the day has already
begun
*
he wants to sleep
with his arm around me
he wants my tired breath
on his chest
but if i fall asleep
right here
it doesn't mean a thing except
it was convenient
and i was sleepy
*

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one boy
08/04/2007 01:51 a.m.
i've only known one boy
who's ever truly loved me
and tomorrow
he's leaving for good

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a farewell poem
08/04/2007 01:33 a.m.
tomorrow morning he'll wake up,
bright and early,
grab his things,
take a deep breath

he's leaving, indefinitely
for greater things than this
and i know there are no words
that can make him stay

last night his eyes told me
all the truth that he'd been hiding
and now his departure is
not so simple

but i am symbol of the past
and he is moving forward

tomorrow morning he'll wake up,
bright and early,
grab his things,
take a deep breath

i will be thinking of him

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waltzed in
08/03/2007 07:13 a.m.
funny how
we mutually forgot:
two people
once in love
have abandoned the past
and forged ahead

but then you casually
waltzed in
and embraced me
for old times sake
and now

i am tugging on your shirt
burying my face in the warmth
of your neck, i am
feeling the security of your palms
and it becomes apparent
that you don't want to leave, either

but this is all wrong because
this was not our intention and now
we are bait in the spiderweb of our past
and missing all those sacred things we've lost

if i ask very nicely, will you stay?

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driver's confession
07/18/2007 10:47 p.m.
i never thought i would
but yesterday
i finally gave in

while behind the wheel i could feel
the weight in my ribcage
the yearning behind my eyes
and
i cried there, on the road
the tears creeping down under my chin
it's been months now
since i've seen you and although
it is no surprise
it was so liberating to finally admit
that i miss you

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rings a bell
07/08/2007 05:31 a.m.
familiar
in all the wrong ways
remembering the
demand for the lights be off
and all those
sloppy kisses
anxious grabbing
and then right
when i get comfortable
he starts
to make rules

recognizing
his sticky smell
on my hands
my face buried in his
armpit
our adhesive sweat
like glue on the sheets

comfortable
his voice low and calm
mine soft and honest
and i think
i don't miss this but it certainly
rings a bell

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the first
06/27/2007 11:43 p.m.
when he found me
i was insensitive
hard-shelled
cold-hearted
but seemingly
invincible

he said
he could see through that
(he was the first)

he showed me
it's okay
to not be so rough
around the edges
and it's okay
to open yourself
to the world

when i complied with his advice
he embraced the new me
with every ounce of himself;
he showed me love down to
my every pore

he was the first
to make me vulnerable
to strip me of my strength
(and show me it was okay)

but as soon
as i got comfortable
letting myself love
he threw it right back at me
and fled

he was the first
who showed me i deserved better
and he was the first
to take it back

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earlobes
05/09/2007 04:32 a.m.
he told me
that i had adorable
earlobes
and it scared me to think
he could love me down
to such insignificant details;
i couldn't believe
that this was real

and in the end,
it wasn't.

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directons for use
04/22/2007 03:47 a.m.
directions for use:

admire me
for everything i seem
to be
for all the strength
(you'll destroy later)
and all the self-righteous monologues
(you'll learn to see through)

desire me
for my stunning allure
for all the sex appeal
(that drew you to me)
for all the beauty
(that kept you around)

use me
to your advantage:
take what you want
screw me
let me be your queen
make me say nice things
leave me hanging on your every word

just be sure
that under no circumstances
will you develop any emotional attachment;
just be sure
that you will never fall in love with me.

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