nothing cute
05/13/2008 02:00 p.m.
there's nothing cute
you can do to my name
to make it sweet
and endearing

nothing rhymes with it
or makes it sound
affectionately adorable

even if the others
had yielded lovely nicknames
perhaps
it's better that way

because my name
is just as it is
it's just me:
emily


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my heart never sleeps
03/05/2008 02:40 a.m.
sleepy mornings
i feel safe in the
warm space under his arm
my cheek to his chest,
the simple thump of my heart
pumping blood
gently, incessantly

the heart never sleeps;
it is always at work

and although i can fall asleep
under any circumstances
and i can deceive myself
with the glory of the moment
my heart beats all night
because it is scared

for him, i would abandon all expectations
of what "should" be;
that moment when
his eyes hit me, earnestly, or our
mouths meet, meticulously,
means more to me
than places or things

my heart never sleeps
it is always at work
my heart beats all night
because it is scared
that if i have to leave
he wont follow

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drink up, baby
02/24/2008 04:17 p.m.
drink up, baby.
make it all go away.

there's no remedy for hurt
or apathy
like a drink
or a drag

fill your lungs with smoke
your gut with booze
mislead your head and
deceive your heart

let go of reason
and rationality
speak your mind loudly
and belligerently

[i'll just listen
i'll just watch you go]

drink up, baby.
make it all go away
in ways i never could.

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explosive
02/21/2008 01:50 a.m.
because i don't want to scare you
i'm holding it in
so tight
i might burst

but it is no easy task
to keep my lips pressed
when the way i feel
shakes me at my core

when did such sweet fondness
become a violent, unrelenting passion?
where was i
when the simple gestures
became lost in complexity?

i'm holding it in
so tight
i might burst

a love
this explosive
could demolish everything

*

i love you with all
of my being
but clearly
it is not enough

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figured out
01/17/2008 04:59 a.m.
there's nobody
like him

nobody who can make me
speak
sing
scream
the way he does

nobody who can
twist me up
turn me out
pull me in
spin me around
the way he does

he'll have me on the edge,
toes curled
fingers clenched
mouth watering
eyes begging
heart longing

there's nobody
who does this to me
like he does
there's nobody else
who's got me so figured out

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empty ache
01/03/2008 02:36 a.m.
at dawn the sun
is banging on my door while
i am beneath the sheets
in a bed too large for one

i barely speak today;
i focus on mindless tasks or
the gentle walk of my feet
all minor distractions
from the silence

the draft from the back door
the sound of the sink running

the empty ache
of this house
without you

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mornings like this
10/19/2007 07:02 p.m.
i remember
gray mornings
like this;
the sky lifeless
the ground damp
all is silent
but the crows
that shriek
at the absent sun

beneath our coats
we were wearing
yesterday's clothes
fresh from your bedroom floor
outside, our breath
surrounded us like smoke
our eyes met
only briefly
in the dawn's dismal dark

scary how the weather
can prompt such memories;
can make me feel like we
still share
gray mornings

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gain a little
10/10/2007 03:36 a.m.
i can't believe
a year later
i'm still here
dissecting
every choice of words
any inflection in his sentence
just to grasp
just to surmise
some idea
of what he could mean

[i am scared that the truth
is obvious but
it is not what i want]

i keep losing so much
just to gain a little

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bit by bit
10/10/2007 03:26 a.m.
beneath the rain
my nose is
running
i am sick
the october air
and the smoke
from your cigarette
dancing
through my hair
my eyes
drying up
your bitter honesty
the bitter cold
killing me
bit by bit

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closed
09/15/2007 08:49 a.m.
he told me
"your eyes are so deep"
and so now
when i kiss
and when i make love
i keep them closed

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