A Ghost of Me and You
12/15/2003 10:34 p.m.
All I have is 25 more pages to go till my script is done. I played this song over and over again on my way to work. It's about a ghost of me and you. About how I regret saying those words and yet I walk down this path and all I can do is remember seeing you and me in the oddest part of my life. It's a ghost of you and me. I wish I could see you again. I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry, but all I can do is deal with what I have done. I guess punishment for all actions have to start somewhere, and I guess regret is one of them. If one thing is learned I took a risk. A risk is a good thing to take, but forgiveness should be given if you hold back then you will regret. Forgive is better then to be forgotten. I never forgave her and I treated her harshly for not accepting me for who I was. Hmm a decent punishment.
I am currently Brooding
I am listening to The Ghost of Me and You by Less Than Jake

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Writing
12/10/2003 08:13 p.m.
Well I decided to work on my drama script about a girl. A girl that I new when I was in my teens well late teens. She was my inspiration of most of my poetry even how dark and tragic they are. She was the epitomy of love and beauty. Out of jealousy and spite, I ended that relationship, but I still regret the fact I am no longer her friend. I wanted more, but everybody wants more in life. Anyways I was thinking about her a lot yesterday, and now today I am reaching the climax of my script. It took a while and my heart wasn't in it, but now it is. I can feel the longing and the sadness. This is my 10th draft of the same script, and I am totally satisfied with this one. It has all the darkness and heartache. It reminds me of how I felt when I was that age. Funny how I hated that age back then but now I miss it. Ironic how life is.
I am currently Amazed

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Big Scare
12/08/2003 09:07 p.m.
I have this verse in my head and I think it is my greatest fear. Some people fear rats and black cats. But I fear the fact that I will never have the chance to live my life. Always regreting what could have or should have been done. What I can and can not accomplish. To hate and love, but never to live. That is what I fear the most. Ample chances but never getting a chance to do it.
I am currently Detached

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Frustrated and Co.
12/05/2003 07:30 p.m.
Well today is just another day, and I hope tomorrow will be much better. It is Friday, and tomorrow begins my weekend. Yay for a job that requires me not to work on a weekend! I'll probably drink a glass of wine tonight and add an entry into my physical Journal. Ugh I feel so confused lately. Time seems to slip on by and I feel that I should be doing all these things yet I'm stuck in a deadend job.
I am currently Frustrated

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Weekend Wine
12/03/2003 11:41 p.m.
I can't wait for the weekend cause this week is sapping the life out of me. I don't plan to do much since after I am one of those boring type of people. I guess I'll get my hair cut and watch a movie. Sit alone and ponder over the meaning of life over a glass of wine. Hmm curious. I wasn't a big wine fan after I decided to give it a go. My favorite bottle is a spanish wine called Rioja. Very nice. Oh well.


I am currently Amazed

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Wine
11/30/2003 03:41 a.m.
So I went shopping at the Korean Market and picked up a couple bottles of wine from the organic grocery store. They have been out of my favorite red wine for about a week. I'm glad that I could pick up two bottles, and no I'm not going to get tanked. I just drink a glass when I feel down or in the mood. Other then that a glass a day for my health. Sometimes a glass for the past, and a glass for the burning red inside my chest. I bought some soft drinks and some sweet cakes from the Korean market. It made me think about how I liked them when I was a kid. You know eating sweets and drinking carbonated beverages. Oh well I think I'll add another page to my physical journal with a nice glass of wine.
I am currently Calm

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Reflect
11/29/2003 09:37 a.m.
It's early in the morning and Saturday is today. I started a journal in my little journal book that I started to write about my own thoughts. I think tomorrow I'll go to the Korean grocery hopefully with a friend. If not well I guess she wasn't much of a friend. Lately I grow tired of those who I surround myself with here in the City of Angels. Lately I feel that the only people that I can talk to is myself. I guess the only answers to questions and peace can only be solved by myself. Those who I consider friends who understand tend to be busy. Which I hold no ill grudge. Others that I have time for have little but to care for their own selfish needs. I think I'm going to go exercise tomorrow. It's good to have some quiet time to reflect on those who aren't worth my time.
I am currently Reflective

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Light and Dark
11/24/2003 07:26 p.m.
Do you know what is so funny about writing poetry through my eyes? I could die a million times with different words and different variables, and yet I continue to write these morbid tales. When do I stop writing about the end and begin writing about life. I guess this is what you get when you have a dark mind.


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Love equals Hell!
11/07/2003 08:10 a.m.
What is it with lovers and dreamers. Jeezes I swear you guys are to sweet for me. I think all my teeth are falling out. Anyways to hell with the idea of love. To hell with it all. I can give a two spits about it. I got tickets to see Less Than Jake in two weeks. At least they don't talk about love and all that icky stuff. At least they sing about being a lone and living in a boring town. Whatever! So sick of midnight serenades and star lite skies. If I could shot out all the stars I would make sure there was one over my head so I can tell everybody about how love sucks. If there was a money I would let packs of rats out on it. No more moon. If I had a deitykiller2000 Shotgun I'd stuff Cupid and place him on my mantle. If I had a way to destroy Valentine's Day I would make sure that the calenders skipped over it. If I had a way to block out the way blue eyes girls or green eyed girls stare at me. They would be wearing sunglasses. To hell with it I'm going to bed.
I am currently Feisty

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Last Night
11/05/2003 07:51 p.m.
Don't you hate it when people say "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I mean so what have I been doing before that? Am I dead? And you telling me this would make me feel alive. Hmm. I ponder. I hate the fact that I walk into a store and sometimes people do a double take. The guys ignore me, and the girls look and give me a look down then try to run into me again. I'm not vain. I'm just bitter. Is it in my head. I hope so. Cause i really don't want to deal with women again. I need my space. I'm tired of trying to understanding them. And no this is not women bashing. Just they are too complicated, and I just don't have the patience for it. I would rather just have tea and talk to them as people cause honestly. I'm tired. *sighs* Just an observantion of last night.
I am currently Detached

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