The Mood
10/13/2003 05:19 p.m.
Sorry to scary anybody who reads my journal. The past entry was just what I noticed a couple days ago. I'm not that violent to act out on it. Just a little tired and weary. Trust me if I do I would get the professional help I need. But for now don't worry. I'm just in a black funky blah mood.

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Nip and tuck
10/10/2003 11:04 p.m.
Yesterday was weird. Today is much worse.
I don't know why I'm having all these
morbid dark thoughts lately. Its just
getting hard lately. Yesterday on the drive
home from work. I actually thought about
slicing my wrist, and yes the right way.
I felt the blade enter and it hurt like hell,
but slowly the pain subsided and I sled the
blad down. I could actually feel the pain for
a moment. Ugh I really should get a hobby.
Or go out.

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Yourself
10/10/2003 12:47 a.m.
I must be really bored to write in you again. I don't mind writing in my journal cause I know nobody is going to read it. Maybe this is therapy for myself. Since I feel like crap today. Its hard to believe that you fool yourself that you will never fall in love with a blue eyed gal or a green eyed one. But deep down you hope. How ironic. But slowly you realize that the more you don't want it the easier it becomes not to feel the desire anymore. Scary huh. You live life for yourself and die by yourself. Hmm. I better stop...

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Diluted
10/09/2003 09:54 p.m.
Maybe I'll plan to see my friend's band play next month. They are dark and I was there when they began. Witnessed them grow and change. It's nice to know they are growing a following. Maybe it's best that I move on. I wasn't a big influence just an ear for them or a drinking buddy. I really shouldn't hang out with them much. It's better that way. I'm to much of a killjoy and they have so much potential. I wish I had hopes and dreams like that. Mine seem to be water down lately. Diluted by the industry and the hardships of my own choices.
I am currently Bad

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Sighs
10/02/2003 06:17 p.m.
I have an interview tomorrow, and I feel the weekend should come sooner. I miss my youth again. I don't know why I'm thinking about the past or what my friends are doing at this moment. I guess its drawing near to my favorite holiday when I had some good times with friends. Anyways I have job interview tomorrow, and I'm at work and I can't wait to get home.
I am currently Anxious

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Waiting in October
10/01/2003 06:31 p.m.
Oh I can't wait for Halloween to come. Maybe I'll do something exciting. Or maybe I'll stay home and hand out chocolate all night. I hope I go to a club that night. A chance to see ghouls and monsters and not hidden behind masks of humans and people. Get to see them for what they truly are. Ugh it is to soon to say since today is the first of October, but I can't wait
I am currently Excited

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Blah and more Blah
09/29/2003 05:57 p.m.
Ugh today feels so confusing. I mean I'm totally boggled at work. I have an interview today for another job. Which it pays better and is part of the company I work for. Besides that I'm not getting stressed out like I usually do? I guess things are chilling. But I do like the feeling. Anyways I feel so conflicted lately. It seems that the long journey to my career is making me question every move I make. I guess you have to have some sort of faith that it will work out. Well I'm totally clueless now.
I am currently Bleh

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Lifeless Ordinary
09/29/2003 06:09 a.m.
I have a goal after my career. I want to retire in somewhere in Europe. Probably France. A place just to see the world unfold. I want to paint, dream, write, tend a garden, and of course sleep. I want to see the crystal blue sky and drink wine. Well I'm going to have to learn to drink wine cause to me it's all bitter. Just me and myself living life in my own way.
I am currently Anxious

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Fresh out
09/25/2003 05:45 p.m.
Well I'm at work again. I'm starting to miss the fact that I'm single then I realize that I'm better off without a significant other. It's a headache and a pill. I mean yeah I'm a home body so what. I guess she is only in dreams. She will just float out of my grasp, but that is why I guess I'm no longer in the market.

Sells Clerk: your looking for a Chris Shin? I sorry madme we are just fresh out. Don't know if we will be in stock ever again. Sorry.
I am currently Bored
I am listening to Only In Dreams by Weezer

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Paradox
09/24/2003 08:12 p.m.
I'm in a weird funk lately, and maybe that is why I'm writing so many dark poems. Nobody seems to understand me lately, or maybe I'm not letting them understand me. Everytime I try to get close to people I push them away. It's reallly weird huh? I guess loners like myself tend to be a paradox unto ourself. We hate being alone yet we crave it. We want to be happy, but enjoy the misery. It's weird.
I am currently Unhappy
I am listening to Velvet from A-ha

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